


Dangerous Liaisons

by IWillSingWithYou



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Abusive Friendship, Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Artist Zayn, Bets, Bottom Louis, Car Sex, Cruel Intensions, Cruel Intensions AU, Dangerous Liaisons, Dare, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, Evil!Niall, Famous Harry, Famous Louis, Happy Ending, M/M, Mental Abuse, Mentally Abusive Friendship, Model Louis, Model!Louis, Movie AU, Not in 1D, PopStar!Niall, Popstar Liam, Popstar Niall, Popstar!Liam, Rockstar Harry, Rockstar!Harry, Smut, Writer Zayn, artist!zayn, bet, book AU, dangerous liaisons AU, writer!zayn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-01
Updated: 2015-08-08
Packaged: 2017-11-27 19:16:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 42,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/665500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IWillSingWithYou/pseuds/IWillSingWithYou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Niall is the master of deceit and Harry is the master of seduction. Louis is just a very strong willed male model who happens to be straight. When Niall tells Harry he wouldn’t be able to seduce Louis, the bet is on, but Niall’s schemes are hard to avoid.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue and Chapter 1: Masks

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: Niall's portrayal here has absolutely nothing to do with how I view him in real life. I think he is a wonderful person. Please don't kill me.
> 
> I've been working on this for ages and I'm really excited about finally getting it out there. This is all fiction. Nothing I write here actually shows what I think of the boys. This is (very, very) loosely based on the book Dangerous Liaisons by Chordelos de Laclos and its movie adaptations (Cruel Intensions, Dangerous Liaisons). 
> 
>  
> 
> **This story has gone through so many changes since I first started publishing. I'm glad it's almost over now because I've been writing for more than 2 years. If you read this before January 2015, you should probably look over the first 7 chapters again to understand the rest.**
> 
>  
> 
> A massive thank you to [Nike](http://readingallaboutit.tumblr.com) for inspiring, beta-ing and just making this possible. And to [Bec](http://danruperttom.tumblr.com) for beta-ing the first 8 chapters.
> 
> If you are interested, there will be some extras to this story, pictures, lyrics... on my tumblr as the story goes along. [Extras](iwillsingwithyou.tumblr.com/DLextras)

 

* * *

 

 

 

**PROLOGUE: SECRETS, RIVALRIES AND SCANDALS**

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

**Prologue: Secrets, rivalries and scandals**

** The dark side of bubblegum pop **

If you have a daughter under the age of 14, all walls of her bedroom will probably be ENTIRELY covered with posters of this pop star. His image is flawless and he is viewed as a role model for all those screaming pre-teens who follow him like lost puppies. But perhaps you should reconsider letting your daughter near this superstar. His wholesome image is nothing more than a mask. In reality, he is the exact opposite of what he pretends to be. Every night he brings a different girl into his bed — not all of them legal — and sometimes more than one. He consumes cocaine like candy and occasionally goes for stronger stimulants. Can you guess who a parent’s worst nightmare is?

_Blair Campbell for Blind Gossip 13/02/2015_

 

**Harry Styles enjoys breaking homes**

It seems that nothing is going to stop this young rocker from sleeping with any celebrity that crosses his path. On his latest tour across the US, all venues were sold out and he was applauded by the public and critics alike for his artistry.

The talented musician has definitely been enjoying all the perks that come with fame. Daily concerts and the constant travelling didn’t stop Styles from partying in every city and bringing both fans and fellow celebrities into his bed. More surprising though is the fact that the singer has never hidden any of his conquests, his bisexuality or his partying habits.

“I’m young. I like sex, I like partying and I love music. I have this wonderful opportunity to travel around the world doing what I love. I’m going to enjoy every second of it. There’s no shame in that,” he stated during a radio interview last week.

No shame indeed, as Styles seems to have taken a liking to pursuing women much older than himself — some married and with children. This seems to be the case for the last woman who was photographed leaving the singer’s hotel in the wee hours of the morning last Thursday. Sarah Michelle Prinze (née Gellar) — known for her charity work, versatile acting skills and a seven year marriage to Freddie Prinze Jr., was caught during her walk of shame out of the Hilton Harry Styles was staying in. Neither Styles nor the married couple have made any official statement. The Prinzes are parents of 5 year old Charlotte and 2 year old Rocky. Whether the marriage will survive this, only The Sun can tell you in time.

Harry Styles is now back in London and working on his new album.

_The Sun - Showbiz - 17/02/15_

 

 

** Footage from 6 of February 2015: Jupiter Ascending Gala Screening **

 

The footage shows a young man with brown hair and kind eyes, dressed in a perfectly tailored black suit, walking the red carpet.

 

“Liam! Liam!” The reporters’ shouts ring from within a burst of flashes from hundreds of cameras. The celebrity turns towards the press and smiles winningly.

 

“Are you excited about the Brits?” an interviewer asks, anxious to keep his attention on her.

 

“Yes, I’m very grateful to have been nominated. It’s been amazing!” It’s a practised response but the interviewer doesn’t give up.

 

“Are you worried about the people you are going up against? You are nominated in some pretty important categories.”

 

“Nah, I think I’ll be fine, my fans are awesome.” He looks straight at the camera. “I love you guys, thank you so much.”

 

“You are going up against Niall Horan for Best British single and British Male Solo Artist of the year. He has a pretty massive fanbase as well.” A flicker of distaste crosses Liam’s face before it vanishes again.

 

“I’m not worried about that either.” He answers simply.

 

“Can I ask why?” the interviewer insists.

 

“Let’s just say that I’m confident real talent will win this year. The voters will know who is best, and Niall’s singing abilities, well, they’re not up there with the rest of the nominees.” He shrugs and continues. “I’m more worried about Adele, she is a spectacular singer.”

 

The interviewer seems content with the answers she gets.

This video will be viral in a few hours and thousands of people will know about Liam’s opinion. Amongst them a blond Irishman who will break one of his TVs before starting to concoct his revenge.

 

**Liam Payne wins three Brits**

 

The X Factor winner of 2012 has proven that talent shows can actually produce superstars. His success overseas has been unprecedented. He had the fastest number one record in the States and is the first UK artist to get to this position with a debut album. Simon Cowell’s protégé has fully displayed his worth.

 

Last night, his talent paid off once again, winning him three Brit awards: Best British single, British Male Solo Artist and British Breakthrough Act. The pop star was overjoyed and was seen with tears in his eyes as he thanked his fans and his mentor for giving him the opportunity of a lifetime.

 

After an interview at the start of the month, in which Payne criticised Niall Horan’s singing abilities, the public was eager to see Horan’s reaction. However, the Irish megastar was very gracious. He smiled like a proud parent every time Payne was announced as the winner and even congratulated him profusely during the after-party. He was heard saying that he had always admired Payne, and that he had voted for him every week during the X Factor. It seems Niall Horan’s character remains immaculate even after years of fame.

 

_Feb 26, 2015 at 9:13pm — celebuzz_

_Written by: Juno Wright_

 

__

 

* * *

  

 

 

**  
CHAPTER 1: MASKS**

* * *

**Chapter 1: Masks**

 

Harry pushes away an arm that’s draped across his chest and, disturbing his head as little as possible, trudges into his bathroom. Thankfully no one is there. It is regrettable that he has to put clothes on just to meet Niall. His neighbours would probably raise one or two eyebrows if he were to strut around the complex in his birthday suit at two in the afternoon, but there are worse things he can do.

 

Jackie has already worked her magic on the first floor of his flat. She even has a light lunch ready for him. He originally hired her to do the cleaning when the tours and interviews made it impossible for him to take care of such things, but she quickly earned a place in his heart. Her small frame and slightly wrinkled face never fails to make him feel at home. She shakes her head when he tells her his plans for the evening. She’s never liked Niall and Harry can’t exactly blame her. The blond can be charming when he wants to be, but when he is with Harry he never really bothers to keep up the act. Harry, as always, tells her she‘s being silly.

 

\---------

 

Niall’s house is eerily silent. The two cleaning ladies, the butler and one of Niall’s assistants seem glad to see him, for a change. Niall has always been wealthy. He’s used to having people do stuff for him all the time. Harry never quite managed to get used to crowded houses that still feel somewhat empty, even after so many years of being Niall’s friend. They usher him upstairs urgently, mumbling about broken TVs and crying girls.

 

“Call that designer from last time and tell him to fire the guy who measured me or I will make sure no one else ever wears anything from him. That is, if you’re intelligent enough to pick up a phone. I wonder why I hired you. Oh, yes, you give good head.” He hears Niall’s voice before reaching the room. Harry leans on the doorframe and watches his friend’s new assistant take notes dutifully.

 

He smiles indulgently. Something clearly has his Irish friend in a bad mood. But angry Niall is one of his favourites. He clears his throat and waits until the girl has been dismissed to sit on his armchair. Niall sighs, taking a seat as well.

 

“So.” Harry prompts as he crosses his legs and leans back. “What’s going on?” The blond just looks at him in disbelief for a moment. Harry prods him with his eyes. Niall needs revenge. He has been ridiculed in public. Liam Payne isn’t even that good of a singer. And why is Harry laughing?

 

Niall gesticulates angrily as he speaks. He’s wired up; his movements jerky and unnecessary. He has a bit of a cocaine problem and Harry realises this was probably why the staff had been so glad to see him. When Niall is with him, he doesn’t snort so much — he still fucks around and drinks like the world is ending — but apparently he doesn’t feel the need to do coke as often when Harry is there.

 

Harry eventually caves and asks him what on earth he is planning to do to poor Payne. A bloke who is completely clueless about messing with someone who’d do anything — even taking on a whole different personality — to stay on top of the entertaining scene.

 

Niall smiles wickedly. “You're gonna help me bring that fecking gobshite down.”

 

The words send a shiver of unease down Harry’s spine.

 

“Do you have any idea how much a gay scandal would hurt his sales? He would lose America, for sure.” Niall’s eyes glint with mischievous pleasure. The curly haired boy can only think about how much he hates letting his friend down.

 

“Is he even gay? I thought he had a girlfriend last year.” Maybe there is a simpler way out of this whole thing.

 

That hope is crushed with Niall’s next words.

 

“I have reason to believe he wouldn’t be too disgusted by the idea. Besides, when has heterosexuality ever stopped you from getting into someone’s pants?”

 

“I’m flattered you have such faith in my abilities.” Harry deadpans. He is twenty-one years old and yet he still hasn’t figured out why it is so difficult to just say no to Niall — it is possible, though. Harry is an adult now, he has his own schemes and wishes. “But I’m not going to seduce Liam Payne.”

 

Niall squawks in outrage and demands an explanation. Harry does his best to provide one: he can’t be seen with a teen pop star. Liam is too new and too easy, it wouldn’t be a challenge at all. Harry has a reputation to maintain. He seduces the strong-willed and publicly upstanding people. Harry is a force of nature that destroys the lives of those who pretend to have a perfect one, and besides, he already has a new seduction plan and it’s going to take all of his time.

 

Niall is used to getting his way. But after a short rant in which Harry is called a filthy manwhore, a bad friend and even a traitor, he calms down enough to ask about his new devious machinations.

 

“Louis Tomlinson” Harry says simply, his skin tingling at the very thought of the model with the pretty blue eyes and the sinful arse.

 

Niall tells him, in no uncertain terms, that he is out of his bloody mind.

 

“Just a minute ago you were saying not even heterosexuality could stop me!”

 

“It ain't the fact he’s straight that’s gonna stop you, it’s his muleheadedness. I’ve met him, Harry, and believe you me, you ain't gotta a chance.”

 

Harry’s smile escapes his control at these words, he can feel it spreading wide enough for his dimples to appear. Niall does a double take as he notices. He shakes his head at him in despair.

 

“He’s gonna gobble you down for breakfast, that one.” The blond states. Harry shudders.

 

“I sincerely hope so.”

 

There is a moment of silence where they both stare at each other until Niall sighs and speaks again.

 

“Well, if you ain't gonna help me with my games then at least let me have some fun with yours.”

 

Harry gives him an inquisitive look.

 

“Just a wee bet. I know you'll never ride Louis Tomlinson and you seem pretty confident of the contrary, so it's only obvious to bet on it.”

 

Harry is always up for a bet, so he requests the terms.

 

“If I win, and Tomlinson rejects you for good...” Niall pauses for effect. “You'll owe me one favour, and you can’t object when I ask, whatever I ask. I promise it won’t be something permanently damaging for you, of course.”

 

“I imagine Liam Payne would have nothing to do with this favour.” Harry grumbles, rolling his eyes. “What happens when I win?”

 

“You know that sweet Ferrari California 2014 sitting in my garage?” Harry nods, of course he knows, it’s the most beautiful car he’s ever seen. “Well, if you manage to bag Louis Tomlinson, it’s all yours.”

 

It sounds like an awfully unfair bargain for Niall: there’s no way Niall values a favour from Harry as much as that car. The offer is tempting, of course, but the Irish lad has that way of manipulating people that is honestly frightening.

 

His greedy side wins over his reasonable side.

 

“Okay, you have yourself a deal.”

 

They shake hands.

 

\---------

 

It isn’t the first fashion show he has ever attended. But up until the moment when he saw Louis Tomlinson in a perfume ad, he never considered a menswear show to be all that interesting.

 

Harry decides it’s a sign of Fate that Louis is modelling for Alexis Knight, who coincidentally asked Harry — or Harry’s manager — for permission to use his music in her show a few weeks ago. Harry agreed after a brief web search on her. She is one of the UK’s top designers and she specialises in very eccentric menswear and extravagant runway shows. She is irreverent and new and people love her. She’s exactly the sort of person Harry doesn’t mind using his music.

 

The lights fade as everyone takes their seats. Harry has a pretty good spot, reserved for him by the designer herself. He’s almost at the end of the runway. It’s a perfect place to look at models as they turn. When the music starts, it’s a pleasant surprise. He thought Alexis Knight would have used one of his singles, but this song has never been promoted at all. It is, however, remixed with a very loud and heavy beat to suit the show, which he supposes is unavoidable. He huffs at that but let’s it slide. As the opening riff is repeated for a second time, a curtain on the other side of the runway opens to reveal an 18th century dance hall filled with masked men in colourful clothes reminiscent of the same era.

 

They all move in patterns around the stage, following the beat of the music. As Harry’s voice fills the room, one of the models breaks away and starts walking down the runway.

 

_Everyone choose a mask,_

_We’re going hunting_

 

Two models follow the first and on and on the models walk the runway and disappear through the sides of the stage.

 

Harry keeps an eye out for Louis but as his song is made to last for much longer than the original version, he begins to fear his intended conquest isn’t on the show at all. It seems his fears are coming true as the lights and the music dim. The models gather once more on stage but then they part to reveal a man with a very different figure to the rest of them. He is dressed in an elaborate suit in different shades of blue. It’s the most interesting outfit of the whole show, by far.

 

The man is looking down, his face hidden by his tousled fringe. As the music starts up again, this time the original version of the song, he looks up and Harry’s breath catches in his throat. He is magnificent. He’s very handsome, but it’s more than that: his stage presence is so strong that he has captivated the whole room with a single movement. As he walks the runway, getting closer and closer to Harry. There’s so much attention focussed on his steps that the room feels charged with electricity. He follows the slow, deep rhythm of Masks perfectly. Harry has never liked his song better than in this moment.

 

When he finally reaches the end of the catwalk he pauses, allowing the public to take a good look at him. Harry gazes up and their eyes meet. He knows he should do something, wink, smile, anything, but he feels paralysed by the blue eyes. The little smirk that adorns Louis Tomlinson’s face as he turns makes it clear that Harry looks very stupid with his flushed cheeks and wide eyes. He watches the model’s arse make its way to the far side of the catwalk and worries that Niall might be right.

 

Louis might really be out of his league.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are interested, the lyrics to Masks is part of this story's extras which you can find on my tumblr. [Extras](iwillsingwithyou.tumblr.com/DLextras)


	2. Judgement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry knew Louis was going to be a challenge but this is... something else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I struggled a lot with this chapter. I hope you enjoy this anyway!  
> Special thanks to Nike for being awesome, encouraging me and beta-ing this.  
> And massive thank you to Bec for correcting the second version.

**  
**

**Chapter 2: Judgement**

 

He lets himself be led from one Fashion Week after-party to the next by Alexis Knight, whose gratitude for Harry’s song seems to increase with the amount of drinks she downs. She’s draped over him telling him about her last girlfriend and how he should never ever date a model.

 

He’s laughing with her when her sudden exclamation of “Oh, Louis! I should’ve known he would be here, the stingy fool,” makes him glance around. Alexis’ star model is easy to make out, even in the crowded pub. He’s the centre of a large group of people who are laughing at what seems like an atrocious parody of Niall’s latest music video. It’s performed by Louis as Niall and a disgruntled-looking bloke as the bird falling helplessly in love with him.

 

Harry feels a boost of confidence at the sight. If Louis has hipster tastes in music, then it isn’t improbable that he likes Harry’s music. He has enough obscure demos and tragically slow acoustic songs on the internet to ensure his popularity in that sort of crowd. And once they like his music he’s already halfway in their pants.

 

“Stop your shenanigans this instant, Louis Tomlinson!” Alexis makes her theatrical entrance with only a slight stumble. Her hands shoot backwards and pull Harry from the crowd and into the attention of the group. “We are now in the company of a singer. You wouldn’t want to offend his kin in front of him, would you?”

 

“Are you comparing me to Niall Horan?” Harry bristles and the crowd laughs.

 

“No!” The shout cuts through the noise and Harry turns to see Louis leaning on the bar with the hottie from the impersonation beside him and a pint in hand. He points at Harry with his glass and continues louder: “I wouldn’t dare suggest Harry Styles could have anything to do with love, not even one as fake as that song’s.” His northern accent is heavy and harsh.

 

The uneasy laughter around them does poorly at covering Harry’s surprise at the unwarranted attack. He knows practically nothing about the man in front of him except that he’s one hell of a model. He has no idea where the hostility is coming from so he just waits and looks at him. Louis seems to get uncomfortable under the gaze and starts mingling with the people around him again. Harry does the same for a while but he can’t resist looking back at his ‘car-coupon’.

 

This Louis is very different from the otherworldly creature Harry had seen on the runway. He has permanent bags under his eyes, his stomach bulges a little, he’s too loud and brash. There’s something so sexual about him - the combination of the strong arms and broad shoulders, the belly, the narrow waist, the swell of his arse and his thick thighs - that is almost off-putting. It seems filthy and low in this drunken git when it had been sensual and breathtaking only a few hours ago.

 

Harry has the urge to leave then. He can just go to Niall and tell him to keep his car. He can seduce the silly Liam Payne and add another destroyed career to the list of things he’s given Niall. He could. Maybe that’s reason enough. He can.

 

He turns towards the exit door, hearing the grating sound of Louis’ laughter and feels the decision being made around him. Just as he’s taking his first step into Niall’s plans, someone steps right in front of him.

 

“Harry Styles! Harry, I’ve been trying to talk to you all night.” The owner of the slightly accented voice is an olive-skinned bloke with a blond-streaked quiff: the gorgeous lad from the impersonation. Yes, that’s enough of a treat to stay for a while longer. Harry smirks and can’t help the lewd grin that deforms his mouth or the answer that rolls off his inebriated lips: “I wouldn’t mind doing more than talking... what’s your name?” It isn’t smooth at all. The distaste that crosses the bloke’s face confirms that. Harry really should’ve gone home hours ago.

 

“Not interested.” Blond-streak’s voice is cold and cutting. “Just wanted you to know that Louis isn’t always like that, but I guess...” Harry isn’t about to listen to this guy trying to insult him, especially when he wasn’t the one at fault.

 

“Oh, yeah? Is he just like that with people he’s never met? Or is it just me? Who the fuck are you anyway?” Harry waits until Blond-streak’s about to answer before adding: “You know what? I don’t care. Go back to sucking up to shorty.”

 

The silence that follows him out is not embarrassing.

 

\---------

 

It takes him three whole days to gather enough courage to go see Niall after the fiasco of his first meeting with Louis. He has ignored his calls for long enough now to start feeling guilty about it. And he completely ditched him during the Brit Awards after-party. Niall will just assume he’s been doing interviews and partying with his official friends, which to be fair, isn’t entirely wrong, but it doesn’t include the Fresh Prince of Bel Air marathon, the four hour long conversation with Jackie about her son’s decision to marry a clearly unsuitable girl, nor the three new songs about empty people in his songbook.

 

But in the end, stumbling across an online article about Liam Payne’s victory at the Brits and remembering the pop-star’s giddy speeches makes him feel entirely too guilty about leaving his friend all by his lonesome for so long.

 

Niall hates when Harry comes uninvited to his home - something about keeping up appearances and not wanting to be seen with such company. Harry decides to ignore these rules because the humiliation of admitting defeat was enough of a kick in the balls that he doesn’t feel like letting himself be bossed around on top of it.

 

That’s how he ends up being awkwardly introduced to Liam Payne and Blond-streak. Blond-streak –Zayn, his name’s Zayn– seems very willing to continue the altercation from before but he’s on Harry’s ground now, about to be eaten alive in whatever way Niall’s planning. Harry doesn’t feel the need to make things worse for him. He is quite pretty, after all.

 

Harry sits in his chair, facing Niall and next to Liam, and makes small talk under the dark glare. The Irishman’s annoyance at his being there is soon dissipated by his charm though. He even manages to break Liam’s initial caution and has him telling him all about how happy he is now that he’s gotten to know Niall and how embarrassed he is by the horrible stuff he said before the Brits. Harry barely refrains from the urge to bow to the master-manipulator when he’s told that the two pop stars are thinking of a collab song, or even an album. He absolutely cannot, however, refrain from laughing at the proud smile Liam directs at Zayn when Niall compliments the lyrics in his songs and Zayn quietly offers to write some for Niall in the future.

 

The two glares that hit him then are nasty enough to almost stop his laughter. Almost.

 

“Are you high?” Is what Niall chooses to say to cover Harry’s sudden hilarity and it’s genius.

 

“Yes, I am.” He answers, the laughter finally dying down. “Zayn! I didn’t know you were a songwriter! I took you for a model.” He’s laying the sweetness on as thickly as possible. Niall rolls his eyes discreetly. He never could understand Harry’s need to overact.

 

“Oh, he has done some modelling. But now he mostly paints and writes. He’s very talented!” Liam’s pride and fondness very nearly tip the curly one into laughter again.

  
“Did you come here for something specific?” Niall enquires politely and Harry finds that, actually, he has nothing to tell Niall now. He can try for a little longer with Louis Tomlinson. He wouldn’t want to seduce Payne, have all of Niall’s drama be done with and thus be robbed the opportunity of watching this soap opera unfold. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are interested there are some Extras on my tumblr: [Extras](iwillsingwithyou.tumblr.com/DLextras)
> 
> Next chapter will be out on February 14!


	3. Moving Mountains

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The only way to get someone who doesn't like you to listen to you is by surprising them. Harry is good at that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentine's Day! I hope you all have a wonderful day! This chapter is a gift to the lovely Nike, my valentine, because she keeps me hopeful in life and gives me the strength to hold on. 
> 
> Just as a little side-note: I took some liberties with dates of some birthdays and events.

 

 

 

**Chapter 3: Moving mountains.**

 

After the little scene with Louis, Harry’s come to accept a few things: Louis Tomlinson dislikes him for whatever reason and if he wants to win that car, Harry needs to up his game big time.

 

It seems an in-depth online investigation is in order. That, of course, just means reading a few google-found articles, checking some Tumblr tags and cross-referencing with wikipedia and Louis’ personal webpage. After a while, a plan starts to form in Harry’s head.

 

Louis Tomlinson is the highest paid male runway model in the UK, and possibly in Europe. Exclusively runway models are a dying breed. They’ve basically been dying since the 90’s. Apart from a few very small and localised campaigns, Louis has never had a proper contract. The fact is, he isn’t known enough to the general public. He’s known in the industry, of course, but he’s just seen as a good runway model that happens to have a rather revolutionary body for the industry.

 

 **01/03/2015 15:33 @Harry_Styles:** Went to @AlexisKnight show on #fashionweek. @Louis_Tomlinson is sick! Completely blown away! :)

 

Ed’s call two hours later is highly welcome. Ed and Harry slept in adjacent couches for a few months when Harry moved to London and Niall was still playing the role of the good-boy son back home. Ed is one of those rare connections Harry considers completely real. He’s also part of Harry’s official group of friends, which is a nice change from all the hiding he has to do with Niall.

 

“What are you doing?” Ed asks with a hint of amusement.

“Hm?” He knows the smile shows in his voice.

 

“Well, then, if that’s the case, the help I was going to offer is pointless.” Harry laughs aloud and mentally thanks whoever gave him such cool friends.

 

“Okay, okay. I admit it, I do have something in mind...”

  
  


**01/03/2015 18:15 @edsheeran:** @Harry_Styles @AlexisKnight @Louis_Tomlinson I’m not usually into fashion but this is awesome. youtu.be/T4Y890tH302

 

 **18:37 @AlexisKnight:** @edsheeran @Harry_Styles thanks boys! for the record I like both ur music. :) xx

 

 **18:41 @Harry_Styles:** @AlexisKnight Well I hope so! Or did you just use Masks to lure me in for my looks?

 

 **18:45 @AlexisKnight:** @Harry_Styles Oh, absolutely! It’s the curls. Can't get enough of them! @edsheeran ‘s the true talent here. Shame Im not into gingers.

 

 **18:48 @edsheeran:** @AlexisKnight I’ll take that as a compliment.

 

 **18:49 @Harry_Styles:** @AlexisKnight Lies! My music was the soul of the show! Well, my music and @Louis_Tomlinson, of course.

 

 **18:55 @edsheeran:** @Harry_Styles @AlexisKnight @Louis_Tomlinson Ha! Someone’s got a crush!

 

 **18:55 @AlexisKnight:** @Harry_Styles Louis and the curls. that’s what made it work ;)

 

 **19:03 @Harry_Styles:** @edsheeran No comment.

 

\---------

 

The call at seven in the morning from Nick catches Harry off-guard, though it probably shouldn’t have.

 

“Hello, Harry Styles!” Harry groans in misery. He brought this upon himself. “Have you finally decided to show support to your very good friend and his job?”

 

“I’ve listened to your show a few times in the last few months,” he answers, still not quite awake.

 

“You didn’t! You haven’t listened in ages!”

 

“I did listen to it.” Harry moans and wiggles in bed.

 

“You little liar! Tell me one thing that has happened in my show recently.” Harry tries to think as fast as he can at such an early hour but comes up with nothing.

 

“I’ve been in a different time zone! I’ve been touring! This isn’t fair” He hears everyone laughing at the radio station and accepts how he probably had this one coming.

 

“Is anyone keeping you company this morning, little Harold?” Nick’s voice is smug.

 

“No.” He says, yawning.

 

“Are you working today?” Nick asks.

 

“Um... Yes. I have an interview at 10 and I’m in the studio all afternoon.” Nick laughs and Harry groans.

 

“I read,” Nick starts and it seems everyone holds their breath, “that you’ve developed a bit of a crush.”

 

“Nick.” Harry hears himself whine.

 

“What, Harry! Come on.”

 

“Okay, okay.” He sits up against the headboard a bit, in an effort to stay awake. “I just think he did a really good job at Fashion Week. He’s very talented.”

 

“Oh! He?” There’s some noise on the other side of the line. “So it’s Louis Tomlinson, then.”

 

Harry just shakes his head in confused agony. “What?”

 

“Well, you see, we were having a bit of a debate over who had won over your heart, the model or the designer, and you’ve just cleared it up.”

 

Harry snorts. “Won over my heart?” he mocks and they all laugh.

 

“Well, I must admit, Harold, you have good taste. He’s rather pretty.”

 

“Mhm,” he agrees, closing his eyes.

 

“You wouldn’t be falling asleep on me, would you, Harry Styles?”

 

“Nnn.”

 

“Fine! Fine! I’ll talk to you later, Hazza.” Harry agrees and hangs up, falling asleep while still half-sitting against the headboard.

 

\---------

 

He’s at Niall’s that night, and Ed calls to tell him that “Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson” is trending worldwide. Proudly, he presents his handiwork only to be met with slightly raised eyebrows.

 

“Are you sure this is a good idea?”

 

“You just haven’t seen the big picture yet,” Harry boasts and Niall looks highly doubtful. “You’ll see. I know what I’m doing!”

 

“Never seen you use these methods before,” the Irish lad comments offhandedly.

 

“Never been offered a car before.” Harry grins.

 

“Well, at the rate you’re going, I’ll have Zayn bending Liam over a chair and fucking him sideways in public before you even talk to your guy again.”

 

\---------

 

Harry never expected his social networking to work so perfectly or so quickly. He probably should thank his fans. And his friends, of course. Nick adopts Louis as a running joke on his show. Showbot has mysteriously developed an obsession with him. Cara instagrams several of his pictures and tags them as #somuchtalent. Aiden confesses to looking at videos of Louis on youtube. Ed continues his twitter campaign, encouraging rumours but never confirming anything.

 

But then come all the things that Harry definitely isn’t responsible for. Not one, but two BBC actors proclaim they are Louis’ fans. The Chatty Man brings up Louis in conversation at least five times.

 

However, even after all of that, Louis still hasn’t contacted Harry in any way. He has valiantly ignored Harry and Ed’s fans and barely answered two mentions by the Breakfast Show. Nevertheless, his twitter followers triple in a week.

 

It’s more than three weeks after the first tweet that success starts looking a bit more possible. Harry is shopping for groceries when he sees the front page of one of the tabloid magazines on display. It shows a poor quality picture of Louis and a long-haired girl having dinner at a posh-looking restaurant. The headline states: “Is Louis Tomlinson taken?”. Harry snorts. If Louis really is as straight as everyone seems to think, he definitely isn’t being straight with that bird. He looks bored and a little miserable. Harry wonders whom Louis Tomlinson owed a favour and how that person got the arrogant model to fulfill his promise as he buys the magazine. He ignores the knowing gaze from the cashier lady.

 

24/03/2015 22:57 @Stylesbabe69: @Harry_Styles how r u feeling now that @Louis_Tomlinson has a girlfriend? In need of comfort? ;)

 

23:02 @Harry_Styles: @Stylesbabe69 Absolutely broken-hearted. I like your name. :) x

 

23:03 @birdtattoos: @Harry_Styles can we make you feel better?

 

23:10 @Harry_Styles: @birdtattoos You could get him to tweet me :) x

 

Ed calls to praise him.

 

The “Get Louis to tweet Harry” campaign lasts for a whole week and reaches national news. Harry admires Louis’ willpower to last that long. Endurance is always good.

 

01/04/2015 21:25 @Louis_Tomlinson: @Harry_Styles There.

 

23:05 @Harry_Styles: Thanks @Louis_Tomlinson How magnanimous of you.

 

Harry’s more than a little ticked-off at being so publicly told to sod off, so the next weekend he finds himself curled up in a corner of one of Niall’s couches watching bad Sunday television.

 

He’s trying to ignore the snorting sounds coming from the corner of the room. He’s hardly surprised. He’s been staying at Niall’s since yesterday morning; he was bound to snort eventually. If Harry is holding his beer a bit too tightly, it doesn’t matter because no one sees. He’s so focussed on not caring that he almost misses the news being broadcasted in front of him.

 

“Louis Tomlinson will be the main model for Burberry’s campaigns for the next year...”

 

The voice continues but Harry isn’t listening anymore because he is crowing in victory. Niall comes up to him from behind and Harry smiles at him, leaning his head on the back of the couch. The blond towers over him and tugs at his hair too harshly.

  
“Smart boy,” he teases and Harry makes a show of using a cushion to remove any residue on Niall’s nose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're interested there are some extras to this story on my tumblr: [Extras](iwillsingwithyou.tumblr.com/DLextras)  
> Next chapter will be published on Saturday.


	4. Small victories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Massive thank you to Nike for beta-ing this. And to Bec for correcting the second version. 
> 
> I hope you like it!

 

 

 

**Chapter 4: Small victories**

 

When Nick calls to invite him to his Breakfast Show’s two-year anniversary party, Harry is being a little difficult. Mostly it’s because he just spent nine hours locked in a recording studio and hates every single note he recorded. But general annoyance at Nick usually covers any other excuse.

 

“Your boy is going to be there.” There’s smugness in Nick’s voice - he knows he has Harry.

 

Apparently after Nick interviewed Louis to promote him as the new Burberry man, he persuaded him to come to the party so they could celebrate together. Harry’s life would be much harder if he didn’t have such skillful friends.

 

\---------

 

He’s a bit tipsy and very involved in a debate about pop against rock with Rita Ora, so he doesn’t notice Louis until Nick brings him to their corner of the living room.

 

“This is the lovely Rita Ora. And, of course you know Harry Styles.” Louis looks at him. Harry looks back. Louis sneers.

 

“Of course.” He averts his eyes and looks at Harry’s companion. He greets Rita by shaking her hand and admiring her career and appearance in such a charming manner that Harry can only stare in disbelief. The bastard looks lovely when he smiles like that. Harry can feel some of his friends bristling on his behalf and remembers that this is his scene. He doesn’t need to be humiliated again. He looks for Ed and goes out for a bit of fresh air on the balcony, carefully avoiding any fashion-related topics.

 

He doesn’t run into Louis until much later, when the polite cocktail party has degenerated into a bit of mayhem. Harry sneaks into the kitchen to find some real booze. He’s almost successful in his secret mission when he realises that Cara is laughing her arse off at him from the other side of the kitchen.

 

“What?” He demands. Cara just keeps laughing. Finally she manages:

“You look like a twelve year old hiding from a crush.”

 

“There is no crush. It’s all a farce.” Harry likes telling the truth; it’s always amusing.

 

“I bet.” Cara answers and pulls Harry to her by the hand not holding the whiskey. Harry lets her and places his chin on her shoulder. “You’re the last person I thought I’d had to give the ‘don’t fall for the straight one’ advice.”

 

Harry snorts and disentangles himself from his friend. He sees the back of Louis as the model is leaving the kitchen.

 

“Oh! Hey!” he calls loudly. Louis turns and there’s nothing appealing about him.

 

“I don’t know you,” he says and Harry wants to slap him.

 

“Yeah.” He smiles widely. “I know! Isn’t that funny?” He pauses for effect and continues sweetly: “I don’t know you either!” He drops the act and finishes coldly: “So why you’re being such a bastard is sort of a mystery, isn’t it?”

 

He ignores Cara’s call on his way out.

 

\---------

 

Ed and Harry are sitting on the floor of the dining room, with a half-empty Johnny Walker between them, giggling like children. Harry loves this sort of reunion more than he loves clubbing. But it’s not good for his reputation. He tells Ed this and Ed claps him on the shoulder. Harry groans.

 

“He really infuriates me, a lot,” he complains and congratulates Ed in his mind when the ginger knows who he’s talking about.

 

“Then why do you keep needling him?” Harry thinks of the bum and then dismisses the idea. He thinks of the smile Louis directed at Rita.

 

“Because he infuriates me. A lot.” Ed is still laughing at his clichéd answer when they are interrupted by a polite cough. Harry turns and there he is, in all his glory. His right hand is holding his left arm and it makes his shoulders and biceps bulge a bit. Harry groans and lets himself fall to the ground.

 

“I’m too drunk for this,” he announces. Mostly, he feels entirely too sober for it. He still can’t believe he spent more than a month buttering up this man and has gotten nowhere. He takes another look from his new vantage point and oh. Ankles.

 

“No, you’re not. I drank most of that.” Ed states as he leaves. Harry doesn’t know if he loves him or hates him for it.

 

Louis walks around him. Harry’s hand shoots out without his permission and brushes his knuckles against one exposed ankle. Louis clears his throat as he takes a seat where Ed was a minute ago. Harry’s an idiot for making that bet. He forces himself to sit upright and look into shadowed eyes.

 

“I’m sorry.” His voice is soft and slightly raspy. Harry doesn’t know how he failed to notice before that it’s a rather pleasant sound.

 

“Apology accepted.” He blurts out and wants to kick himself until he sees a small smile tug on Tomlinson’s lips.

 

“You’re supposed to wait until I’ve explained myself.” His voice is getting softer and high-pitched.

 

“Okay.” Harry is a bit breathless.

 

“I’ve just been told,” he fidgets a bit, “that I should thank you.” He frowns. “Just, for the record, I don’t need your help. I could’ve gotten that contract on my own.”

 

Harry laughs at that, not meanly. Just. He’s charmed. “Noted.” He smiles widely and sees Louis blink at him for a second before he starts talking again.

 

“But you did.” He gestures widely, encompassing all of Harry’s actions. “Speed up the process. And I think it’s nice. That you did that.” There seems to be something really interesting on the far wall because Louis can’t seem to stop looking at it. Harry can’t seem to stop smiling so he doesn’t comment.

 

“Okay,” he says again and lets his knee touch Louis’ calf. When Louis doesn’t look away from the wall Harry prods his thigh with his finger. “Have dinner with me.” That gets the model’s attention.

 

He looks Harry right in the eye as he says: “I’m not gay.”

 

“Still.” Harry says and tries his most charming smile. “Have dinner with me.”

 

“Why?” His voice is losing the softness that Harry likes.

 

“For the pleasure of my company,” he tries and Louis starts to get up. Harry’s hand takes hold of a bicep and he gazes up with his absolute best puppy-eyed look.

 

“Then lunch! Have lunch with me.” Louis stares back at him, his face loses some of its sharpness. “I can cook,” Harry adds hopefully and sees the model’s shoulders drop.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Extras on my tumblr, they're good, I promise. I've worked hard on them ;) [Extras](iwillsingwithyou.tumblr.com/DLextras)


	5. Indirect Responsibility

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Start of the TMH Tour!  
> Special thanks to Nike, without whom this story would be unreadable. and to Bec for having a great eye for typos and grammar!
> 
> I hope you all enjoy this chapter!

 

 

 

**Chapter 5: Indirect responsibility**

 

“Niall…,” Harry calls in a singsong voice.

 

“I know,” the blond answers from the other side of his studio. The tapping of the keyboard doesn’t stop.

 

“Niall!”

 

“I know.”

 

“But you haven’t congratulated me.”

 

“I’ll congratulate when you’ve got your cock buried in his virgin manhole. It’s just lunch anyway!”

 

“How’s the Liam situation progressing then?” the young rocker asks, rather meanly.

 

“Slow,” the pop star growls.

 

Harry starts randomly plucking strings on Niall’s guitar and hears him groan and stand up. The curly-haired man is about to turn to smile at him when he realises Niall only stood up to make a call. Harry moodily drops into an uncomfortable chair and hears the name of the person on the other side of the line.

 

“Why are you calling Greer Campbell?” he demands as Niall’s phone clatters on the desk. Greer Campbell is one of the few people who never fails at making Harry feel uneasy. She’s some sort of entertainment journalist who specialises in great scandals. Harry can’t quite accept the fact that a middle-aged woman is so interested in the lives of people half her age.

 

“Taylor Swift.” Niall doesn’t even try being mischievous.

 

“Is that why you called me today?” Harry huffs. He’s had this recording of Taylor Swift bad-mouthing her latest fake relationship since his last stay in LA. He showed it to his mate almost as soon as he came back: Niall had more use for that sort of thing than Harry.

 

When Campbell arrives, with her dark red suit and dried up auburn hair, Harry immediately asks for the journalist’s number, wanting to get the transaction over and done with. Niall shifts uncomfortably at that but doesn’t comment, which Harry considers a major show of trust. He preens as Campbell leaves, tossing a greedy look in Harry’s direction. The rocker has no doubt that the woman is dying to have Niall’s complete story. She’s looking in the wrong place if she thinks Harry will be the one to give it to her, though.

 

\---------

 

On Sunday morning Harry is experiencing the first case of non-stage related nerves he’s had in years. He prepared a bacon wrapped filet mignon with a side of mashed potatoes and asparagus and a ten-year-old Cabernet Sauvignon. He also prepared a vegetarian lasagne in case Louis is doesn’t eat meat.

 

He also makes the perfect playlist made up of a lively mix of old and new songs. He hopes it meets Louis’ tastes at least on some songs.

 

It turns out Louis isn’t vegetarian, he knows how to appreciate wine, he is very polite and he is very good at keeping conversation well-away from any important or interesting topics. He doesn’t even acknowledge the music, which has always irked Harry in anyone, but it irks him even more when it’s someone he was trying impress with it. By the time they get to the chocolate cake-"did you bake this?”, “yeah, this morning,” “it’s delicious,”– Harry is ready to strangle his date. There is something special about Louis; he can feel it. This model is not just a pretty face. Yet, from the conversation they’ve had in the past two hours, it would be safe to assume the only things that fill his mind are the weather, the traffic and the royal family. It’s driving Harry slowly but surely insane.

 

They’re finishing dessert when he attempts at steering towards the best clubs in town - he can’t be blamed, he’s already tried music, movies, fashion, family, animals, internet, Egypt, Barack Obama, and the Kardashians - and catches a flicker of scorn in the model’s face being quickly schooled into blank politeness. It’s only then that he remembers Louis doesn’t actually like him very much.

 

“Why did you agree to have lunch with me?” the musician asks, trying to hide his annoyance.

 

“Because you made it easier for me to get Burberry.” He says it like it’s the most obvious thing in the world and, now that Harry thinks about it, it kind of is. He takes a deep breath in hope of it bringing him some calm. It doesn’t.

 

“Okay, let’s just stop here for a moment because I don’t understand what’s going on.” He gets a snort in return and it fuels his anger. Louis gets up, leaving his napkin on the table, and walks towards the living room. Harry makes an exaggerated gesture of invitation that goes unseen.

 

He finds Louis leaning against the back of his TV couch, with his hands by his sides. The afternoon light hits his face perfectly, making his skin seem golden. He’s a model, Harry reminds himself. He’s probably doing it on purpose.

 

“I don’t like you,” Louis states calmly. Harry goes to lean against the couch beside him. Chatting without visual input seems like a good idea at this point.

 

“Why?” he demands.

 

“Can’t you just assume I’m a homophobe and leave me alone?” The answer digs into Harry’s mind uncomfortably, clawing at his ego.

 

“I’m not gay.”

 

“Well, then, whatever it’s called when you hate bisexuals.”

 

“I’m not bisexual either.” Stalling is the only way he can think of keeping the other man where he is for a little longer.

 

“Ah, yes. The freedom declaration. I’d forgotten you’re obsessed with that. No labels, right?” Harry startles.

 

‘The freedom declaration’ is not something that is widely known about him. It is somewhat of an undercurrent in all of his music but he’s only seen a couple of blogs who’ve spotted it.

 

And there is a song he made last year. He recorded himself talking for hours about everything he could think of. He then reduced it to a fifteen-minute audio-portrait of himself. He played and mixed it all on his own; too personal to be handled by others. He never included it in any of his albums. He just made a small and subdued post on his website explaining the process of making it and providing a free download link. A week later he took it down, ashamed and embarrassed of his over-sharing. He knows some of his fans have it, but it’s not something a casual listener would know or even be interested in.

 

“Are you a disappointed fan?” He hates meeting those. ‘I thought you were this but it turns out you aren’t’ is what they always say and it’s so ridiculous. They don’t know him. He doesn’t know them. How could he disappoint them? How could he know what they want from him?  Why should he try to be what they want?

 

“No. I’ve never been your fan.”

 

“Then what?” His patience is running low now.

 

“Why do you not write love songs?”

 

“What does that have to do with anything?” He turns to look at Louis and sees he’s lowered his head.

 

“It doesn’t,” the model answers after a beat. “I was just proving a point. I ask you a personal question and you refuse to answer it. I can do the same.”

 

“I think I have a right to know why someone I've never met before is holding a grudge against me."

 

That makes Louis pause. Then he concedes:

 

"Fine. I'll tell you. But only if you promise to leave me alone. No more 'casually' running into each other. No more twitter nonsense. You just leave me alone." Harry hesitates before agreeing. He doesn't enjoy making promises he knows he's not going to keep.

 

"Okay, I promise." Curiosity is a powerful thing.

 

"Fine." The model walks around the couch and waits for Harry to do the same before taking a seat. "I have four sisters," he begins and Harry settles in to listen.

 

Louis has four sisters, all of them younger than him. The eldest, Lottie, has been a trouble child ever since their parents divorced three years ago. At first they thought it was just a phase, a bit of teenage rebellion, but then she started hanging out with older kids. Louis' mother had tried to intervene but it was in vain. She called Louis when someone told her Lottie was doing drugs. They had no proof, but Louis still tried to get the truth out of her. She justified everything using words her idol had sung. Her idol being Harry.

 

Harry protests then since he can't be responsible for what his fans do with his words or actions.

 

"But you are," Louis argues. "Most of your audience is in their teens and you just go and tell them stuff like 'this is me, I answer to no one'. You tell them to trash their bodies while they're young so that others can't do it for them."

 

Harry remembers those words, remembers being alone and hungry and needy. Remembers making the conscious decision not to need others. It had helped, back then, to pretend he was better alone. Pretending it was better staying always high so he wouldn't feel the hunger. But then Niall came to London and everything changed.

 

"Those words were real for me once."

 

"Does that give you the right to glorify self-destruction so that your fans can follow in your footsteps?"

 

"I don't!" Harry protests. Louis just looks at him skeptically and continues his story.

 

Lottie was very obsessed with Harry, considering him the only one who could ever understand her. However, that isn't why Louis dislikes Harry. After all, the rocker was mainly an excuse to hide the reasons why she was really behaving that way. But no matter how much they tried to talk to her she only got worse, fighting with their mother and spending entire nights away from home when no one knew where she was. In a desperate attempt to get her to slow down, Louis had offered her tickets to Harry's last concert of the Closer to Heaven and Hell Tour in the UK, in exchange for her to behave and get good grades at school. It had worked at first: for a few weeks she went to school every day and stayed out only with their mother's permission.

 

A week before the concert, however, she ran away from home. They looked everywhere, even called the police, but they didn't find her until two days after the concert. She was curled up on Louis' doorstep, clearly on something, scared and lost.

 

Harry knows what happened at that concert. It was mad. He was already drunk when he came out of the venue with his skin still buzzing from the excitement of singing on stage. He saw a group of fans waiting for him and just plunged right in, hugging them and laughing and just being very, very happy. He took all forty or so of them to a party tour with all of his friends that lasted until he was pushed into a plane by Linda, the caretaker his record label had assigned to him.

 

"She got a bit of party then," he tries. Louis glares at him.

 

"She's sixteen!" Harry's cringes.

 

"Honestly, I had no idea any of them were so young!" The glare doesn't ease up. "I didn't even speak to most of the fans I brought along; how was I to know some of them were underaged?" He doesn't get an answer. "C'mon, man! It's not like I slept with her!" Louis stiffens and Harry quickly checks his memory. He hadn't had sex with anyone that week. He clung to Nick a bit too much, which led to an awkward drunken snog, but nothing more. "I didn't!" He insists.

 

"Well, someone clearly did." Louis is grim now. "She called a few weeks later to ask me for money to get rid of it."

 

"It?" Harry echoes. The look he receives in return makes everything clear. "It wasn't me! It wasn't mine! Is that what she told you?"

 

"No." Louis admits, "I just... assumed... It doesn't change the fact that you took a sixteen year old on a three day party. She got pregnant and yet she still thinks you are a fucking role model!"

 

"I was just trying to be nice to my fans!"

 

"That wasn't nice! That was irresponsible."

 

Harry seethes in silence for a while, hating the way the model thinks himself superior to him. He isn't a child to be scolded in this way. He hasn't been a child for a long time. An idea pops up in his head and he has to restrain his smile.

 

"Now you know. You can leave me alone." Louis is already making his way to the door, pulling his coat on.

 

"Or," Harry ventures, leaning beside the door Louis was just about to go through. "I could talk to her. You know, make her see I'm not who she thinks I am..."

 

He likes the look of defeat on the model's face as he informs Harry that her birthday is next Thursday and still doesn’t have a good birthday present for Lottie.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Extras on my tumblr! With lyrics to Harry's songs and pictures and stuff. [Extras](iwillsingwithyou.tumblr.com/DLextras)
> 
> Also, this is the last chapter I published before the big writer's block, so it's the last chapter with significant changes if you read it before the 5th of October 2013.


	6. Learnt Wisdom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to Bec for beta-ing this! You've been so wonderful, darling, thank you.

 

 

**Chapter 6: Learnt Wisdom**

 

It’s not long after Louis leaves that Harry’s smartphone rings and he sees an unknown number on his lock-screen. Secretly wishing the fans found his number so he can have an excuse to change it, he slides his thumb through the screen. Sometimes he just wants to chuck it down the toilet. It’s a loaded weapon and he hates it.

 

“Hello?” he answers distractedly.

 

“Harry? Hi! This is Liam Payne. I got your number from Niall.”

 

“Right, Liam. How are you, mate?”

 

Apparently, Niall has somehow persuaded Liam to go to Harry for advice. Liam doesn’t want to specify what about, but he wants to meet with Harry at his earliest convenience. Harry is tempted to say no, just to tease Niall, but in the end curiosity - his cursed curiosity again - gets the better of him. He tells Liam to visit Harry at the studio the next day.

 

\---------

 

Liam arrives at lunch time with homemade sandwiches. Harry’s opinion of him is suddenly much higher than before. He compliments Harry on what little he heard of a new song and the rocker compliments his sandwich-making skills. It’s only half-an-hour later that Harry realises they’ve talked about everything except whatever Liam came for.

 

“You know, I’m rather enjoying our conversation but curiosity is killing me here.”

Liam blushes, making said curiosity climb higher and peak. Harry feels that he needs sweet release from it, right now.

 

“Okay, this is going to sound weird.”

 

“Right.”

 

“Niall told me I could talk to you about this.” Liam doesn’t seem to want to go on so Harry does his best to appear receptive. “You’re... you like guys, right?”

 

Harry can’t contain a laugh. “Not exclusively, but yeah.”

 

“So... I was wondering, how it works?” The pop star’s voice gets higher with insecurity at the end of the sentence.

 

“The sex?” the curly haired man asks, thoroughly enjoying the blush on Liam’s cheeks.

 

“No, not... that. I think I can figure that out by myself.”

 

“And google.” It draws a smile out of Liam and relaxes him a bit.

 

“Yeah, and google. No, well... I was just wondering how you... find out if someone is gay and if he wants to, uhm, go out?”

 

Harry has to chuckle at that because this man is probably the cutest thing he’s ever seen.

“Well, if you’re in a club or something like that, there’s always the three-second rule: you look into the guy’s eyes for three seconds and if he doesn’t look away it means he’s interested.” Liam nods thoughtfully.

 

“Yeah, I’d heard about that. But what if it’s someone you already look in the eyes on a regular basis?”

 

“I guess in that case you have to do it the old-fashioned way and ask. This part isn’t very different whether you like men or women.”

 

“But what if he doesn’t like me in that way? Wouldn’t I be ruining the friendship?”

 

“Honestly, mate, if you’re seeking advice from the first slightly gay person you know, its pretty obvious that friendship isn’t what you want anymore.”

 

The pop star bites his lip and looks chagrined. Harry sighs.

 

“I don’t mind. I’ve enjoyed your company. But you’re never going to find out if you don’t try.” He’s placed a hand on Liam’s knee now and it seems to have some calming effect along with his words.

 

“I just feel so stupid right now,” Liam confides, his eyes cast downward.

 

“Why? Don’t you think he can like you back?” Harry frowns.

 

“No... I mean, I don’t know. Sometimes... I think he might. Other times I just don’t know. I just never expected to fall for a man, you know? I used to mock the gay kids in school. I’d call them awful names. I just - I was bullied for being fat but at least I wasn’t gay. It made sense back then. And now look at me.” Shame makes him seem older. Harry has to swallow what tastes like bile before he can speak.

 

“I’m sure they’ve realised how insignificant you are to their lives now.” He knows it’s not quite so simple. Liam seems to know too, as he wipes his hands on his jeans and hangs his head. Harry’s hand left Liam’s leg without his conscious permission.

 

The silence is a bit heavy until the rocker shakes his head and smiles brightly at the other man. He goes back to telling Liam to try his chances at love with his friend. The brown-eyed man picks up on the conversation gratefully.

 

“So I should just tell him, then?” Liam looks so scared but eager. Harry gives him a friendly shoulder-slap.

 

“Yeah, mate, just tell him. Or kiss him. Actually with your eloquence I think it’s best if you just kiss him.”

 

Liam laughs and nods, just when Josh, Harry’s drummer, comes in, informing Harry his lunch time is over. The singers hug and make promises for a later meeting. Harry isn’t sure if either of them will keep them.

 

\---------

  


The ride to Doncaster isn’t as terrible as Harry imagined it would be. Louis insists on cranking up the volume of the pop music he apparently prefers and he sings along without seeming to notice he’s doing it. Harry’s sure the music is there as an attempt to bother him but he’s quite fond of almost all types of music so he just hides a smile and watches Louis’ fingers drum nervously on the wheel. He does protest when an awful, blood-curdling Justin Bieber song comes on but Louis doesn’t resist much before skipping it. (Harry’s sure even Louis can’t stand the ear-splitting wails of the Biebs.

 

Meeting the family is much more interesting. Louis wasn't lying about the four sisters, all very different from him, all blonde. The three youngest are introduced to him quickly, and Harry realises that they've been expecting him, that they've all got pleading shadows on their eyes and smiles. He tries not to resent Louis for raising the expectations of him. He probably wants Harry to spend the least amount of time in his house as possible.

 

He's led upstairs and stops at a door with barricade tape warning people off. It's so ridiculously clichéd Harry has to roll his eyes before he pushes the door open. He gets some flashbacks to horror movies that do nothing for his amusement level.

 

"Louis, I'll be down in a--" She's a pretty thing, Lottie, so young and wide-eyed as she looks at him. He feels a twist in his stomach when he thinks of her as a mother. "Shit. I'll call you later."

 

The phone falls heavily on the bed as she jumps out of it, fixing her hair and skirt as she takes the two steps separating the bed and the door. "What?" Her brows lower in confusion. "Harry?" And her voice is different now, has lost all its affectations of maturity in little swirls of wonder. Suddenly she makes Harry remember why he really loves his fans.

 

"Yeah. Hi!" He smiles his widest smile, the one that makes him look a bit maniacal. And she gets it and widens her own smile and bounces a little on her feet.

 

"How?"

 

"Your brother..." She drops the smile and settles for something more natural, but still full of fondness and shock.

 

"Oh. I didn't know he knew you, he never said..."

 

"We met recently," Harry assures her and stares at his own face gazing back at him from several places in the room. "May I come in?" He doesn't know if he's supposed to take her out of the room now or if he's allowed some time alone with her, but he knows from the look of her room that taking her out would only make his job more difficult. She grabs his arm firmly to pull him in, pushing the door closed behind him. "Can I?" he asks, pointing at the only chair in the room, she nods and blushes when he moves some books and a bra from it. She stands for a minute, looking a bit lost in her own room and then takes a seat on the bed. He has no idea where to start.

 

"Happy birthday!" he exclaims, making her jump a bit. She grins and thanks him. The silence reigns again.

 

It’s a while before any of them say anything so Harry starts looking at the posters in her room. There’s one in particular that draws his attention. It’s a fan edit he’s seen before. A picture of him mid-concert, sweaty and high on stage vibes, with the lyrics to The Bad Act on the side of the picture. She must’ve printed it specially, since it isn’t an official poster.

 

“You like The Bad Act?”

 

“Yes! It’s my favourite song ever,” she enthuses.

 

That’s worrying, he thinks. He avoids thinking about how some of his lyrics, especially the older ones, still affect people. He can’t think like that.

 

“Why?” He doesn’t want to know the answer. But he’s in too deep. It isn’t about Louis anymore.

 

“Because it’s so direct and honest, you know? People are always pretending and trying too hard...” She seems delighted.

 

“Yeah...” He resists the urge to close his eyes in despair. He always thought he would be okay with alternative interpretations of his words and he is, most of the time. At least he has a hook now to start the conversation they need to have. She doesn’t seem to have caught up with the existence of an agenda yet. “Do you think of anyone in particular when you hear it?”

 

She lowers her eyes, her face suddenly darkening. “Yes,” she looks searchingly at him and answers after holding his gaze for a few seconds. “My parents. My mum, especially. Sometimes even Louis.”

 

He nods as though he understands. Maybe he does.

 

“Were you thinking about someone when you wrote it?” She’s still eager, still the zealous fan.

 

“Yes,” he pauses for dramatic effect, mostly, but also to swallow the bitter taste out of his mouth. “Myself.”

 

Harry lets that sink in. Lets her understand it.

 

“Oh... Why?” And here is his chance, finally.

 

“Because I was trying too hard. I wanted people to respect me. I felt like the world owed me something. And then reality hit, really hard. And suddenly I realised what a stupid thing to think that was.”

 

She looks at him with wide eyes. He thinks she’s catching on to what’s happening.

 

“Your brother told me what happened when you went to my concert.” Her eyes are wide now. Fear, anger and confusion looking back at him. He stays calm and unemotional. “He thought it was mine.”

 

“It wasn’t!” She hastens to assure him and he has to laugh.

 

“I know that! How old are you?” She blushes at that. “Anyway, darling, it’s not something you can take lightly. What are you doing?”

 

“Oh, come off it! You’re not any different!” And now he sees the family resemblance to Louis in the fiery eyes and will.

 

“Yeah, well, there are no babies involved.” She seethes a little, but there’s no answer coming.

 

“Are you doing drugs? I don’t care about pot, but anything else?” Still no answer but her eyes shoot guiltily to the wall behind him. He turns. It’s covered in pictures and small objects. He sees more of himself, some fashion postcards and several special edition cigarette packs. He snorts at them, thinking she feels guilty about smoking for a moment before it hits him. Lottie’s cry of protest comes too late. He’s already up and opening the packs. Two of them have small plastic bags filled with white powder. One has a folded sheet of paper with brown powder inside. He wants to puke.

 

He doesn’t have words. He just shows her his open palm with the three items on it. She falls on the bed again, her eyes lowered.

 

“Are you trying to kill yourself?” He can’t help the way his voice wavers with disgust. She shakes her head. “Then why do you even get close to this stuff?” He points to the paper in his hand, feeling his whole body tensing at its presence.

 

“I haven’t tried that yet.” She says in a small voice. “It was for today... I was going to try it today.”

 

“Why?”

 

“I just... I didn’t want to deal with the shit that goes on in this house, okay?” She’s crying now and he can’t help it when his body makes him kneel in front of her. He tries to catch her eyes but she won’t open them.

 

“It’s just another way to die. Are they all that important that your life is worthless to you?”

 

“No! I just thought it would be fun! I can do whatever I want!” She looks at him again, still clinging to defiance, even through the tears.

 

“This is the stupidest way you can choose to revolt! Go party, dye your hair, get tattoos and read Nietzsche or Kafka. Don’t fuck up your life just to spite your mother!”

 

“Why is it okay when you do it then?” Lottie demands.

 

“I never said it was! Getting off drugs is probably the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do and it almost killed me. My best friend is going down that path. You don’t really recover from it, okay? It stays with you. You’re one of my fans. Like it or not, I feel responsible for you. Don’t do this. Especially don’t do it to follow in my footsteps or whatever.”

 

She swallows and looks a bit sick. Harry sighs. He doesn’t know if there’s anything else he can say. He stares at her hand. It’s gripping her arm so hard her purple nails are digging in her flesh, close to breaking it. He places the hand not holding the drugs on top of hers and counts it as a success when her fingers relax.

 

“Okay,” she breathes.

 

“Okay?” He echoes.

 

“No drugs. No babies,” she smiles weakly.

 

“Promise?”

 

She swallows again then looks him right in the eye. He sees strength in there. “Promise.”

 

“Good,” he hugs her tightly and she clings to him.

 

After making sure he has it all, Harry makes her lead him to the bathroom where he flushes the drugs down the toilet. As he turns to go out of the small room he sees Louis behind Lottie watching the scene with his eyebrows arched up into his fringe. His eyes meet Harry’s for a second before looking at Lottie. She notices his stare, or maybe sees Harry looking behind her, and makes a little aborted whimper.

 

“Lot...” There’s so much worry and fondness and love in his tone that Harry thinks he sees it break down any remaining walls in the girl. She runs to him and buries her face in his chest, her arms closing around his middle fiercely. Louis looks at Harry and for a moment the rock star feels out of his depth. The feeling goes away and he’s invited to Lottie’s birthday dinner. She’s reserved and still mad at her family, but at least she has a chance.

 

They make Harry sleep on a couch, which has never been a problem for him. Louis claps his hand on Harry’s shoulder as he goes upstairs to his own room and it feels like progress.

But it’s not until they’re back in the car, after a day of family games and lazy TV-watching, that the change is evident. They’re listening to the radio, a good station without any Bieber. Suddenly Don’t Look’s heavy guitar opening riff blares inside the car and Harry prepares to change the station.

 

“Don’t,” Louis says quickly, in his soft, high voice, turning up the volume. “I like that one.”

 

Harry sits back stunned and tries to keep his face muscles under control. Eventually, he loses the battle and just turns to smile at his window, where he sees reflection-Louis mouthing:

_So keep your eyes in the darkness_

_Get away from our light_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The complete lyrics to Harry's songs (The Bad Act and Don't Look) are on my tumblr! [Extras](iwillsingwithyou.tumblr.com/DLextras)


	7. The Other Players

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A million thank you's to Bec who beta-ed this! And my heart and soul to Nike who puts up with my lame wordings and punctuation.
> 
> And thank you to everyone who's left kudos, commented and read this. You're the reason I can write!

  

 

**Chapter 7: The Other Players**

 

Despite the apparent understanding that they’d reached at Louis’ childhood home, Harry doesn’t hear from him for two weeks.

 

He spends his time at Niall’s, writing songs while he hears rantings about Liam Payne. It seems the brown-eyed boy hasn’t managed to gather the courage to confess his feelings to his gorgeous writer friend. Harry can’t deny he’s slightly disappointed by it, but it makes him feel better about his current predicament. He spent two whole days in a painfully familiar gathering and it was all for naught.

 

He tries not to think about his own mum, back in Holmes Chapel, with barely an email every few months consisting of a couple of sentences that all say the same thing: “I’m alive. Are you alive?”. But after seeing Louis’ family all bursting with energy and worry and conflict and love, he can’t help the little nagging thoughts that pester him. And still his phone has yet to flash with the model’s name on the screen.

 

When it does, it’s Niall who answers it because Harry is in the toilet messing with his hair. Harry hadn't even realised his phone was on the table when he got up. When he returns he hears Niall's voice saying: "Oh, I'm sure he'll love to go. Yeah, don't worry, I'll tell him," and his stomach drops slightly at the sight of his phone in the Irish lad’s hand.

 

Rationally, he knows that you don't need the password to answer a call, but the mere thought of Niall getting to see the contents of his phone is alarming. It's not that he doesn't trust his friend. It's just that he knows from experience what Niall the pop star is capable of and the thought of ever landing on the wrong side of that had kept him up at night. That was, until he got some insurance. He kept it in his phone and in some hard drives under lock at home. Just a short video that had taken a lot of scheming and hiding, but it was just enough for him to know that if it ever came to that, he'd be safe. The more he sees his friend snorting that shit, the more he thinks he made the right call, but it doesn’t stop him from feeling he is carrying a ticking bomb in his pocket at all times.

 

He gets his phone back with a little sigh a relief that goes unnoticed. Apparently, he's being invited to a housewarming party Louis is hosting and Niall can't seem to resist the urge to tease him about it.

 

\---------

 

He gets to the address Louis texted him two hours after the time of the invitation. He doesn't want to appear overeager and he's still a bit ticked off about the two weeks wait.

 

The entrance is wide open, people spilling out into the hallway and there’s a girl eating pistachios at the door. One of her flowery Dr. Martens appears in front of him as he tries to make his way in and she smiles when he turns to look at her.

 

“Want one?” She offers the bowl.

 

“I’d rather have a drink, to be honest,” he answers with a smile and she shrugs.

 

“I can get you one of those too.” She leaves the bowl on the ground and takes his arm, guiding him inside. He notices something familiar in her features and annoyance is replaced by a vague curiosity and a nagging sense of missing something important. She calls him Hazza and stumbles a little as she hands him a colourful drink watching him eagerly as he takes a sip. It’s too sweet and strong, but it’s not bad. He tells her and she nods and rants about always missing the amount of sugar and he tries to shake off the feeling. Maybe he fucked her sister or something. She tells him her name is Blair and it doesn’t ring any bells.

 

She talks too fast and touches his arm a lot. He hasn’t even had a chance to take off his coat. It’s unnerving but also a bit endearing and eventually he accepts his situation. He looks around for Louis but only sees some unfamiliar or vaguely familiar faces. He drinks and then drinks some more. He tries to keep up with the conversation and to avoid the mental image of being drowned in overly sweet gelatine.

 

When she asks for his number he doesn’t even hesitate. He pulls out his phone, types his password in and gives it to her so she can program her number in and call her own phone. Maybe he’ll get to change his phone number after all. She types away on his phone, and he’s certain she’s leaving some silly message in there somehow. There’s a movement on the drink’s table — from which they haven’t wandered since his arrival an hour ago so his fuzziness is justified — and he turns to see the most adorable little kitten clumsily walking through the bottles of booze. Just as Harry sees it, the cat seems to sense his stare and looks back. Big green eyes fixed on Harry’s, the kitten sits right in between a rum and a whisky bottles and meows loudly at him. Harry blinks.

 

“Hello little guy,” he whispers, getting his face closer to the black and white cat. “Or little girl,” he amends and the kitten meows right at his face. He hears a snort and his eyes move to the girl whose name he already doesn’t remember. He sees his own phone pointed at him and suspects the picture will appear on his Instagram in a few minutes.

 

“Hey,” he complains and feels a warm little paw on his nose, demanding his attention.

 

“That’s proper adorable.” The girl points out and this time he hears the camera going off.

 

“I think I’m in love.” He replies just as the kitten starts to nose at his hairline. He scoops it up and holds it close as he returns to an upright position. “I might steal it,” he states and almost means it as the tiny little kitten makes its way to his shoulder and perches there, swatting at his curls.

 

“I think Lou might kill you if you do, mate. He fucking loves that cat.” Harry knows that voice. Sure enough, blond-streak Zayn is now besides the girl, an arm around her shoulder. The cat meows at him and Harry laughs, reaching up to pat its head. Zayn laughs with him, shaking his head.

 

Harry is pleasantly surprised to see him smile. He wonders if it has something to do with the auburn-haired girl currently whispering in his ear. If that’s the case, he feels a bit sorry for Liam Payne. The smile gets wider and Zayn looks at him with a strange glint in his honey-coloured eyes.

 

“How are you, bro?” The Bradford accent seems stronger.

 

“Fine... How are you?” Harry answers carefully, confused by the kindness in the other man’s voice. But then the kitten is standing with its hind legs on his shoulder and is kneading at the top of his head and Harry doesn’t need to see it to know it’s probably the most adorable thing that has ever happened.

 

People start noticing, too. They coo and aww around him and phone cameras make an appearance around him. Zayn and the girl are laughing at his sheepish smile and suddenly he thinks this crowd’s okay.

 

“For fuck’s sake, Storm, you’re making a spectacle of yourself,” says a soft voice with a heavy Yorkshire accent over the music and Harry feels the little paws pause mid-movement. He turns slowly, carefully, and finds himself face to face with Louis in all his styled hair, tight pants and low-neck red shirt glory. The model looks at him sternly for a second and then bends down, laughing his arse off.

 

“You look absolutely ridiculous, Styles.” He manages to choke out between laughs and everyone seems to agree. Harry shows off his dimples and blinks several times. It seems to increase the volume of the laughter around him. Louis shoots him a fond look — that he suspects is aimed more at the cat than him — and gets right up close to Harry on his tip toes to get the cat off his shoulder.

 

“C’mon, you little attention whore,” he whispers to the cat, just next to Harry’s ear, as he scoops up the kitten and takes it away. His voice is raspier and higher and Harry likes it. He really fucking likes it.

 

He stares as Louis carries the kitten through the crowd and away to where Harry assumes are the bedrooms. Then he sighs and gets his phone back from the auburn-haired girl.

 

He spots Liam nursing a pint and looking forlorn in a corner and decides to take pity on him.

 

“Liam, mate, that little scene got a smile even from Zayn and you’re still sulking in a corner,” he says as a greeting. Liam sighs and looks at the object of his affections talking in whispers with the girl.

 

“I think his smile had less to do with you than with Blair.” He groans.

 

“So, how long has she been around?”

 

“A couple of days. I don’t know. She came out of nowhere and now all he does is talk to her on the phone. And he locks himself in rooms to do so. He never used to do that!” Liam is almost whining now, so Harry wraps an arm around his shoulder and pulls him tight against his side.

 

Both of them look on as Zayn and the girl make their way to the bedrooms and cross paths with Louis who’s on his way out. His eyes land on Harry and Liam and soften in compassion.

 

Harry stares as Louis goes to the drinks table and pours three glasses of gin & tonic. His hands struggle to transport the three glasses over to them and distribute them. He claps Liam on the back with a sad smile.

 

“I’m sure it’s just a temporary thing, mate. I know he only has eyes for you.” He says in his soft voice. Harry tightens his arm around Liam and wonders if Louis is giving him false hope. It seems like a pretty shitty thing to do.

 

“You keep saying that, Lou, but clearly he has eyes for her too.” Liam laments. Louis sighs.

 

“I don’t know what he’s thinking. But I’ve never doubted his interest in you and I’m not about to start now.” He places his arm around Liam’s waist, making his hand press against Harry’s side. His hand is warm. Their eyes meet over Liam’s bent head and Louis’ fingers press more firmly against Harry’s side. The model smiles and it’s all soft and Harry feels it tingle all the way to the tips of his toes and back. He smiles a little and moves his hand from Liam’s shoulder to Louis’.

 

\---------

 

Only a couple of hours later, Louis and Harry are giggling as they try to get Liam to step down from a makeshift karaoke stage that, if they don’t succeed, will soon become a striptease stage. They get him to sleep in Louis’ bed and continue laughing and dancing among the drunk and loud people the model considers his friends.

 

Louis is the most amusing person Harry has encountered, probably, in his life. He comes back from his room with an enormous box of silly string cans and opens it while looking at Harry with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

 

“You ready for war?” He taunts and Harry would probably follow him to the gates of hell if he just asked with that look. They divide the contents of the box in two and start gathering allies for each side. It’s full out war and no surface is spared. He feels like he stepped into a four year old’s party and loves every second of it. When most of the cans are empty and people are lying on the ground, some playing dead, others genuinely asleep, Louis manages to catch Harry from behind and empties a whole can down his shirt. Harry screams and kicks until he manages to catch Louis by the waist and pins him to the ground. Louis just laughs and laughs. Harry can’t stop staring at the crinkles by his eyes and the beautiful smile. For the first time in what feels like a lifetime, Harry stops himself from kissing someone he really wants to. And it pays off when Louis makes Harry carry him to the drinks table on his back and then when Louis dances with him for the rest of the night.

 

They dance until they can’t anymore and everyone has gone and then they talk until their eyelids start drooping shut. Harry falls asleep with a smile on his face and the feeling he was just caught in whirlwind and still hasn’t managed to escape. He wonders if he’ll ever want to.

 

\---------

 

Harry wakes up thirsty and with a mild headache. Something small, warm and furry is prodding at his cheek. He opens his eyes in confusion and identifies the source of the touch as Louis’ tiny black and white cat. He remembers the name Louis called it, Storm, which seems entirely too big of a name for the minuscule ball of fur currently meowing piteously at Harry’s face. He caves pretty quickly and sits up on the couch he fell asleep on last night. He’s surrounded by the party’s chaos. Storm meows at him again and Harry picks him up, letting him climb to his shoulder again.

 

He walks into the kitchen in search of tea for himself and food for the kitten and finds Zayn in his underwear.

 

“You’re still here,” the artist and songwriter says as he shovels dry cereal into his mouth.

 

“So are you,” Harry rebukes, annoyed that the hostility seems to be back between them.

 

“I live here.” That makes sense… There was an extra door that Louis and him ignored during their silly string war. It was probably Zayn’s room.

 

“Right… Well, I won’t stay here long, if it bothers you. Can you just tell me where the cat’s food is?” Zayn points to a cupboard next to Harry and watches as the rocker pours cat food into the bowl on the floor, to the delight of Storm, who meows happily and brushes his tail on Harry’s ankles.

 

Harry ignores the dark look and drinks some water from the tap.

 

“See? I’m going now,” he tells Zayn and looks around for his coat.

 

“Good,” is his answer. Harry clenches his teeth and locates his coat on a perch by the door.

 

He goes straight to Niall’s but doesn’t find him there so he settles in his friend’s bed - even though he has his own room in Niall’s house - and sleeps for most of the day.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll try to update as soon as possible. As always, I'm on tumblr and there are extras. [Extras](iwillsingwithyou.tumblr.com/DLextras)


	8. Itchy Bones

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. This has been such a long wait. I am so sorry. I didn't want to publish anything more until the whole fic was finished. So now you can expect real regular updates, since the whole fic is done.
> 
> A million 'thank you's and my soul to Nike who beta-ed this.

**Chapter 8: Itchy bones**

His second time waking up is caused by Niall nudging his arm and snuggling beneath it. Harry obliges and holds him closer, his brain barely catching up with what’s happening. He slowly comes to full awareness with Niall’s breath rhythmically hitting his neck. It’s faster than normal.

 

“You alright?” he whispers to the blond boy curled in his arms.

 

“Not yet.” Niall answers. Harry tightens his grip around him with one arm and rubs his back with long strokes of his other hand. This isn’t normal behaviour for Niall, not by a long shot. Sure, they’ve cuddled from time to time, but that’s more because Harry is a very tactile person and Niall indulges him. This kind of vulnerability isn’t characteristic at all. It worries Harry a bit. Niall’s breathing slows down and he nods a bit, wordlessly telling Harry he’s ready to talk now.

 

“What happened?” Harry prompts.

 

“My mother,” the Irishman answers. Harry sighs. Niall’s family, especially his mother, are a real fucked up bunch. Harry has always hated them with a passion.

 

“What did she do now?”

 

“Nothing new… she says my sales are dropping. She thinks I didn’t work hard enough to promote this album.” His voice is small and wounded. Harry scoffs. It’s preposterous. No one works harder than Niall.

 

“Ni, you know you can’t control sales all the time. No one can.”

 

“No, I should. I’m starting to be old news. My audience is moving towards newer stuff… Like Liam Payne.” It breaks Harry’s heart to know how little his friend thinks of himself.

 

“They can like you both, you know?”

 

“No, this isn’t rock. My fanbase can only be obsessed with one thing, not two.” Niall looks up at Harry, willing him to understand. Harry shakes his head.

 

“I don’t like it,” is what he says, but he means: ‘I won’t help you with this, not this time’. Niall sighs.

 

“I know… I’m not trying to get you to…” He sighs again. “It’s okay, I’ll find a way.”

He burrows himself closer into Harry and eventually falls asleep. Harry is wide awake, though. He reaches for his phone on the bedside table. There’s a text from Louis.

 

 **17/05/2015 11:51 Louis:** Hey, thanks for feeding my cat :)

 

Harry smiles and types his answer.

 

18:05 Harry: No problem, mate. He was cute and persistent.

 

Louis takes his time answering. Harry isn’t surprised, since it took him 6 hours. He carefully gets up from the bed, leaving Niall sleeping and goes to piss and shower and brush his teeth. When he comes out of the bathroom he finds Louis’ response.

 

 **18:23 Louis:** He? Excuse you, Stormtrooper’s a girl!

 

Harry has to get out of Niall’s room to laugh that out.

 

 **18:24 Harry:** You named your girl cat Stormtrooper? That seems like a very boy cat name…

 

 **18:25 Louis:** How boring of you Harry Styles

**18:25 Harry:** Fair enough. So why did you name that miniature ball of fur such a big name?

 

 **18:26 Louis:** You insult my cat one more time and I’m not letting you see her again! And piss off, she’s fierce and magnificent.

 

 **18:27 Harry:** Right. Fierce and magnificent. Got it.

 

They continue texting for the next few hours. Harry watches Batman: The Dark Knight Rises and comments on every single detail with Louis making fun of him for his crush on Bane. Then Harry makes some dinner for him and Niall and they eat it in bed. Niall is subdued and kind. He doesn’t even comment on the constant texting.

 

Harry spends the night at Niall’s, in his own bed. The next morning, Niall is his scathing, scheming self again. The rocker doesn’t know if he’s truly relieved.

 

\---------

 

He gets home just as Savan is parking his car in front of Harry’s house. He greets him with a warm hug and they go inside. Savan has been helping Harry with his music ever since he was signed, so Harry is expecting a visit. He thought it would be a few days before it happened, though.

 

“So, how are you, mate?” he asks Savan over a cup of tea. They are sitting in Harry’s kitchen, which is too clean and white as he hasn’t been home for a while.

 

“I’m good, yeah. You?” He can tell something isn’t quite right. Savan’s smile is quick and thin.

 

“I’m alright, thanks. Is everything okay?”

 

“Harry… I’m sorry to say this, but you can’t use the songs you sent me.” Harry blinks a couple of times.

 

“Why?”

 

“They’re… far too similar to your second album. I’m sorry, it’s just… boring now.”

 

“Right.” Harry stares at a corner of the kitchen in silence. It’s not that he was unaware of the repeated themes in the new songs; he just didn’t think it was that bad. His fans liked the old songs. He feels like an idiot now. Of course they are too similar. He’s basing almost every song on experiences he had months ago, even years. “I’ll try to change it up.”

 

His voice sounds a bit dead. Savan hugs him and tries to tempt him to a game of FIFA to take his mind off things for a bit. Harry isn’t in the mood for company though, so he sends his friend and co-writer away to brood on his own.

 

\---------

 

 **18/05/2015 18: 23 Louis:** hey, wanna go get some drinks tomorrow w Liam? Need to get him drunk

 

 **18: 40 Harry:** On a tuesday? Should I be worried?

 

 **18: 45 Louis:** Just boy troubles, the usual

 

 **18: 45 Harry:** Zayn still w the weird girl?

 

 **18: 46 Louis:** Yes and being an arsehole about it

  


\---------

 

“So I get to his flat at six, like always, because it’s a tradition, you know? We always watch The Professionals together. And he just leaves. He tells me ‘Sorry babe, I gotta go see Blair.’ And leaves!”

 

Liam’s puppy eyes look up at Harry from where his head is hanging between his shoulders. Harry pats his arm awkwardly and pushes a glass of scotch closer to him.

 

“That’s shit, mate, I’m sorry.” He offers. Liam drinks up and makes a face at the taste.

 

“I just don’t get it! I thought he was mad about the Niall thing and that’s why he was being a bit distant, you know? But he can’t be this mad just about that. I must’ve done something…”

 

Harry looks at Liam inquisitively, having no idea what “the Niall thing” meant.

 

“He’s talking about Niall Horan.” Louis explains, unhelpfully. Liam pauses suddenly and looks at Harry with a frown. The curly haired man manages to make him see the tiniest shaking movement of his head. He’s not telling Louis that he knows Niall. Liam’s frown deepens a bit but continues:

 

“I get if he isn’t into me romantically, I can live with that. I haven’t even told him I like him like that anyway, so whatever. But I at least want to be friends!”

 

Harry watches Louis looking carefully between them for a moment too long before he bursts out: “We should go clubbing, yeah? The three of us, meet some people, make some memories, get our minds off things, what do you say?”

 

It doesn’t take much to convince them.

 

\---------

 

 

Funky Buddha is a weird place. Many celebrities and wannabes go there to make themselves seen and to see each other. That should make it a terribly boring place. It should be like Craig’s in LA, a place Harry doesn’t go to unless he absolutely has to. But somehow the fact that the Funky Buddha is closed off to the general public and that they can decide what pictures are taken on the inside makes it actually enjoyable.

 

It seems he isn’t the only one to think that. Liam is clearly flourishing under the attention of the mildly famous. He is new and strange. Models and rockers, they see that everyday. A teen pop star? Not so much. Especially one so nice and so clearly inexperienced in the scene. They take him from table to table, introducing the new pet and he looks elated.

 

Louis seems surprised by this development as they are left alone on their table.

 

“I never thought of bringing him here. I thought he’d hate it. I thought they’d hate him,” he admits to Harry as they both watch Liam dance with two different girls. Harry thinks he recognises them. Models, probably.

 

“Oh, they’re pretentious, but they’re not bad people. I’m sure they’ll tell stories about him, how nice and normal he is for a pop star.”

 

Louis laughs at that and offers his hand to Harry, indicating the dance floor with his head. Harry takes his hand and follows.

 

“Aren’t you bored of me yet? I’m sure half the people here want to sleep with you tonight. Actually, if you believe the papers, half of them already have,” Louis says loudly in Harry’s ear to be heard over the pounding music as they move in sync, facing each other but not touching.

 

“I’m not in the mood to pull today. And I rather enjoy your company,” he says truthfully. Louis beams and steps closer, placing his hands on Harry’s shoulders. Harry’s surprised he gets to this. With Louis’ insistence on not being gay, and the rumors about him, he expected him to be a no-homo kind of guy. However, they’ve danced twice already without any freak outs. Harry’s curious to see how far he can push Louis’ open-minded attitude. His heart beating a bit faster, he circles his arms around Louis’ waist and pulls him even closer, almost flush against his body. He feels a bit dizzy and closes his eyes, surrendering to the music.

 

\---------

 

He wakes up on Wednesday without a hangover and with his fingers itching for his guitar. He checks his phone before even getting out of bed.

 

 **20/05/2015 10:12 Liam:** hey harry thx for last night it rly helped.

 

 **11:30 Louis:** By any chance, do you happen to have my car keys?

 

 **11:36 Louis:** Nevermind, I found them.

 

 **11:37 Louis:** What are you doing?

 

 **11:38 Louis:** Don’t ignore me!

 

 **11:40 Louis:** Are you still asleep?

 

 **11:41 Louis:** Don’t you have things to do, people to see?

 

 **11:42 Louis:** Or the other way around, I don’t know

 

 **11:45 Louis:** Haaarrryyyy

 

 **11:45 Louis:** Wake up!

 

 **11:56 Louis:** I am so bored.

 

 **12:15 Louis:** Wanna watch a movie tonight?

 

Harry grins as he scrolls through his texts and answers quickly.

 

 **12:24 Harry:** Yeah, sure. What do you have in mind?

 

\---------

 

It's two weeks after they danced together and Harry still feels short for breath. They’re lying on the floor of Louis’ flat with the latest Arctic Monkeys’ album at full volume. Louis’ head is next to Harry’s, their bodies making a long line on the wooden floor. Stormtrooper is purring her little heart out on Harry’s stomach. Louis had been the one to come up with the idea.

 

“Do you ever think that music is underappreciated now? Like, before, there were just vinyls and people would sit around a machine to listen. Music had its own moment, you know? Now everyone carries it everywhere. And that’s nice and all, but there aren’t any music moments anymore. I think that’s sad.”

 

Harry had rambled and Louis had grinned widely.

 

“So, let’s have music moments. Why shouldn’t we? We’ll just lie on the floor and listen to a whole album without doing anything else.”

 

Harry wishes he could write songs like the Arctic Monkeys. His songs are okay, but what gives them life is his own energy and feeling. The lyrics aren’t all that powerful, not like them. He fervently wishes they’ll come back from their hiatus soon.

 

Louis’ head bumps against his, his nose tickling the little curls next to Harry’s ear. He feel a little high as he pets the little kitten to the rhythm of the song. It’s starting to get a bit too warm, summer is approaching, but he wouldn’t move for anything in the world.

 

“It’s really good, isn’t it?” Louis whispers, as if afraid to disturb the music. Harry nods, breathing carefully around a feeling in his chest and stomach that he doesn’t really understand.

 

_I wanna be your vacuum cleaner, breathing in your dust._

 

\---------

 

“So, you haven’t had sex in how long?” Niall asks with wide eyes.

 

“Um… don’t really know anymore. Couple of months, maybe,” Harry answers, playing around with Niall’s guitar, trying to ignore the fact that he can see a syringe in the trash can.

 

“Are you that obsessed about Tomlinson’s arse? Because if that’s the reason, then you better become a monk or something. You’re halfway there anyway.”

 

Harry groans and plucks a couple of sad notes from the guitar. Niall laughs.

 

“If it makes you feel better, I think I’m starting to get somewhere with that pain in the Payne situation,” he boasts.

 

“Really? Liam hasn’t said much lately. He did seem a little happier on Friday.”

 

Harry remembers how bubbly Liam was at the Funky Buddha last time they went; already part of the scene after only a few weeks and loving it. Harry felt quite proud of his achievement, but maybe he wasn’t the only cause.

 

“Yeah, Zayn has been hanging out with him again. I swear, this would be so much easier if Zayn wasn’t such a wanker. He absolutely hates me and I have no clue why.”

 

Harry shrugs. It isn’t the first time they’ve talked about it. Zayn seems to hate Harry too, always giving him the side-eye when he’s at his and Louis’ watching a movie or playing FIFA. Harry has a hypothesis that the man is just extremely jealous but Louis told him that Zayn was never like that and that he doesn’t know what is up with him.

 

“So, you think you’ll ever get into Tomlinson’s knickers?” Niall continues. Harry shrugs again.

 

“I don’t know. Don’t know if I even want to anymore. He’s a mate now, you know?” Harry mumbles, trying out a few chords.

 

“Then you owe me a favour now,” Niall reminds him with a smug smile. Harry grimaces.

 

“I was hoping you’d forgotten about that.”

 

“Have you forgotten about the car?”

 

“I kind of don’t care about the car anymore.” Niall stares at him in disbelief for a full minute.

 

“What the fuck has gotten into you?” he demands. Harry frowns. He remembers how just last night he was cuddled up with Louis watching The Hobbit. He clears his throat, uncomfortable.

 

“I think I… like him a bit.” The words feel weird as he says them. They must feel weird to Niall too, as he grimaces in distaste.

 

“So sleep with him, win a car, what’s the issue?” Harry’s hands are sweaty now. He puts down the guitar.

 

“I don’t really like that I made that bet. Doesn’t feel right.”

 

Niall looks angry now and Harry wipes his hands on his jeans.

 

“Fine. Then snog Liam and put the picture on the internet,” Niall says harshly. “Lose the bet and do that for me.”

 

Harry shakes his head. He is quite fond of Liam.

 

“Then don’t be such a pussy and sleep with your stupid model. Get him drunk and just do it.”

 

Niall gets up and fumbles around in his pockets to get a little bag with white powder and a banknote. Harry looks away, feeling sick. He takes his leave.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [I'm on tumblr](iwillsingwithyou.tumblr.com)


	9. Ocean Deep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your comments on last chapter. I hope you enjoy this one as well.

 

**Chapter 9: Ocean Deep**

 

_Zayn scratches lightly at his abdomen. There is some sort of dried up residue on his sternum and it itches slightly. His stubble feels dirty and slick. The smell of sex is strong all around him. It’s almost like a presence of its own, overwhelming and unsettling. His stomach is going to revolt eventually. He knows his body enough to understand that he has about twenty minutes before he starts shaking and vomiting._

_The thought of being that vulnerable when he isn’t home and can’t call for Louis to help propels him into action. He carefully gets out of the bed, leaving a tangle of auburn hair and bright blue sheets behind. He can admit the contrast of colours is appealing. Like autumn leaves on a sunny day seen while you rest on the grass, looking up. The floor is littered with clothes and dog toys. A very judgemental looking Boston terrier regards his process across the room. Zayn shoots him a glare before sitting down in front of the massive iMac and setting to work._

 

\---------

 

On the 20th of June, Cara calls him to remind him of their annual trip to the Glastonbury Festival. As if he could forget, given the fact that he’s playing this year. She then informs him that neither Nick nor Ed can make it. So each of them have to invite someone to use their tickets. He decides, after very little thought to take Louis. He’s pretty sure the model will jump at the chance. The line-up is incredible, and not just because Harry is playing. He’s excited as he calls Louis to tell him.

 

“Um… I don’t think that would be wise.” Louis answers, after Harry has enthused about the whole thing for five minutes. Harry blinks and shakes his head.

 

“What? Why?” He demands.

 

“Well, people are going to be taking pictures of you and if I’m there they’ll think I’m with you.”

 

It shouldn’t bother Harry as much as it does. This is the part that he really doesn’t enjoy about being famous. He hates not being able to go out with Niall, he hates that all of his friends are rumoured to be sleeping with him.

“Of course," he chokes out. "Sorry I didn’t think of that.” The rest of the conversation is weird and awkward and Harry wants to scream a bit when he hears Louis say goodbye in a small, tentative voice.

 

He goes to find Jackie when the call ends so she can distract him with her family stories.

 

The next day he gets a text from Louis.

 

 **21/06/2015 10:45 Louis:** Liam informs me I’m a prat and that I’m absolutely going to the Festival with you.

 **10:47 Louis:** I’m sorry I was a pillock yesterday.

 

Harry smiles and texts back the details of their trip.

 

Fortunately, Harry's show is on Friday, so he can enjoy the rest of the weekend with his friends. He's quite happy about the fact that they all agreed to go with him on Thursday afternoon to set up camp in the pre-erected tents and he can go take care of soundcheck and last minute set ups.

 

He's quite surprised when Cara arrives with Kendall, who is a Kardashian, no matter her actual last name. He wants to tease Cara about her ‘reality’ friend, but her eyes on his when he's about to open his mouth stop him. He then has to settle for exchanging meaningful looks with Louis as they make introductions.

 

"Is that a Kardashian?" Louis whispers as they get to their tent. Harry stifles a laugh and nods. He leans closer to Louis to whisper in his ear.

 

"Cara will have my balls if we make a comment about it."

 

Louis chuckles.

 

"She is quite fond of Americans, isn't she?"

 

"Oh, the scandal, Americans!" Harry says with a posh accent and Louis dissolves in giggles.

 

Their tents is made for four people and they have the option of making it a big space for four or dividing it into two smaller spaces. They decide to divide it, to give Cara and Kendall some privacy.

 

"It's not like we're going to be having sex with you just half a meter away!" Cara murmurs but doesn't debate the arrangement.

 

So far, Louis has shown absolutely no signs of being uncomfortable with Harry sharing with him, or with being with a lesbian couple. In the months Harry has known him, he seems entirely comfortable with any cuddling, touching, dancing and even sleeping in the same bed Harry has tried with him. It's not that he thinks it impossible for a straight guy to be that open, but he still can't reconcile the harsh tweets and vehement public denials he'd seen from Louis before he met him.

 

They walk around for a bit after leaving their bags in the tent, just to see some of the stages they'll be visiting later. Harry stays at the Pyramid stage and leaves them to it. He finds his band already there and apologises for making them wait.

 

That night, a lot more people arrive, and almost all the tents around them are occupied. Some of them recognise Harry and invite him to different camp sites to get the party started. His friends are all in the mood for something a little calmer, though, so they wander around talking to people for a while and then go back to their own tent and set up a small fire with their neighbours.

 

They cook some pasta with sausages and carrots for the few who’ve decided to stay in too. There is a middle aged man called John, with his two teenage daughters, Laura and Becky. They sit around the fire and discuss which groups they'll be seeing during the weekend. Laura seems quite excited about sharing a meal with Harry, so he makes sure not to touch Louis too much, going as far as to sit on the other side of Cara and Kendall.

 

"Have you been in the UK long?" he asks Kendall, struggling to make conversation. She tells him she's just passing through for a few photoshoots. She confesses she's quite looking forward to his show and they start talking about music. After almost an hour of conversation, he is sorry to have dismissed her so easily when he met her. She is a Kardashian, but she's smart and funny and keeps up a good conversation. He shoots a look to Louis, wanting to share this insight, but the model is in deep conversation with Becky, Cara, and John. From what Harry can make out, they're talking about Doctor Who, of all things. Kendall smiles when she notices where his gaze is going.

 

"Cara told me you're in full-on wooing mode with him." She waggles her eyebrows at him which makes him laugh.

 

"Just waiting to see if I have a chance, to be honest," he confesses and she nods understandingly.

 

"I've seen a bit of how his media is handled. Do you know if it's an image thing?" she inquires. Harry thinks about it. It probably is. He feels stupid for not thinking it before. Niall would be disappointed in him.

 

"It's just that all my senses tell me he's gay. I could be wrong but…," she continues, making her hair fall to the side of her face, giving their conversation an illusion of privacy.

 

"I don't know," Harry answers truthfully. They both stare at Louis for a while until he turns to them and raises an eyebrow enquiringly. Harry smiles at him and feels stupidly giddy when he smiles back. Kendall covers a small laugh with a cough, fooling no one. Harry pushes her lightly with his shoulder and turns the conversation back to music.

 

It's probably Harry's favourite show ever. He hasn't performed in about two months, not since a charity event back in London, and that adds to the excitement of it all. There is also the fact that Louis is cheering and dancing along to his songs at the front of the stage. He knows he's trying harder than ever to give the best show he can. He had Cara braid his hair, he's wearing a see-through black shirt and a clip-on earring. He dances and spits water into the air and grinds on Dan, his guitarist, and smiles until his cheeks hurt and then some.

 

His stage high is intense. He’s horny and wired. Cara, Kendall and Louis wait for him at the side of the stage. He barely manages to take a shower before he’s falling into Louis’ arms. He smells like sweat and soap and Harry feels intoxicated as he noses along the stubbly jaw.

 

“That was so good. Fucking hell, it was amazing,” Louis screams in his ear and threads his fingers through Harry’s hair, hopelessly destroying what was left of his braid. Louis pulls Harry’s hair to the back of his head with both hands and brings his face up so they can press their foreheads together and grin at each other. They are both breathing fast, and Harry is almost sure he sees his own desire mirrored in Louis’ eyes. But then Cara and Kendall decide to congratulate Harry too and the moment is gone.

 

“Who’s next here?” Louis asks, craning his neck even though they can’t see the front of the stage from where they’re standing.

 

“Jack White,” Kendall informs them quickly, and starts walking towards the crowd without looking back to see if any of them like him too. They all do, anyway, so they follow her and plunge into the crowd.

 

Harry gets cheers of welcome in the crowd and they even push him to the front of the stage. He gets hugs from more people he could ever wish to remember, but when the music starts again, they leave him be so they can all enjoy the show together. It's quite beautiful.

 

"You really love your fans, don't you?" Louis whispers when they're lying in their half of the tent. Harry can barely see the outline of Louis' hair against the light filtering through the tent's fabric. He smiles wide even though Louis can't see it.

 

"I really, really do," he whispers back and gets closer to Louis so they can talk in quiet whispers and not disturb Cara and Kendall. "Most of them are insane, but they're the reason I can do what I love, you know? Well, one of the reasons." Harry thinks of Niall and his fierce promotion of Harry in all the right circles. Louis seems to perceive that there's something unsaid there because he asks:

 

"What other reasons are there?"

 

Harry hesitates for a long moment but then starts talking. He can feel Louis' warmth so close to him and there is a longing in his veins that he doesn't quite understand.

 

"When I came to London I was... well, I didn't have much of anything. I had a bit of money but it ran out really quick and then I had to sleep on the streets for a while."

 

He can hear Louis exhaling air loudly, but he doesn't interrupt Harry.

 

"Fortunately, I made some friends and one of them took me in and let me sleep on his couch. So he's one of the reasons; his name's Kurt, and he's now a producer in America working for Sony. But no matter how much Kurt or Ed tried back then, they couldn't keep me away from drugs. I even started stealing from them to get my fix. I was just going down. I still made music, but no bar wanted me in the state I was in."

 

He stops talking for a long moment again, giving himself time to back out of what he is going to say. He feels Louis' hand search for something in the dark and takes a wild chance by letting his own hand glide into its path. It pays off, as Louis tightens his fingers around Harry's. Harry takes another wild leap and tells him the real story.

 

"That's how Niall found me. Niall Horan."

 

Louis makes a surprised little sound.

 

"I didn't know you knew him," he says, a little too loudly, then whispers: "Sorry. I would've never thought..."

 

"Yeah, we like to keep it that way. He likes his privacy, so we're never seen in public together." It's the truth even if it's not the whole truth.

 

"Oh." Louis breathes. "Are you together then?" His voice is thinner and it makes Harry smile a bit.

 

"No, we're really just friends. Tried it once when we were 14 and it was horrible."

 

Louis snorts a bit at that. He squeezes Harry's hand again, urging him to go on, so he does.

 

"We met when we were like 7, I think. His family lived in Holmes Chapel for about 10 years and then they returned to Ireland. We sort of lost touch when I moved to London and he found me by calling everyone he knew to ask them if they'd seen me around."

 

"That's one hell of a friend," Louis notes. Harry nods, a gesture lost to the darkness.

 

"Yeah, and he didn't stop there, not by a long shot. He got me clean and made me have discipline when it came to music. When I was put together enough and had written enough for an album, he paid the best rock producers he knew to record it."

 

"Wow. I had no idea," Louis says. "You must really be grateful."

 

"I am, so much." Harry's voice breaks a bit and he's the one squeezing Louis' fingers this time. "But I repaid him in the worst way possible."

 

"Why? What happened?" Louis scoots even closer and Harry can feel his breath on his face.

 

"I relapsed, not long after he got me clean. I made it look like it was all under control, but it wasn't. We started partying together a lot and eventually he got hooked too. He's stronger than me, of course, so it didn't pull him down and destroy him like it did me. But I think..." He can't go on, his throat seizes and his eyes fill with tears. He gets the words out through sheer strength of will. "I think it will, eventually."

 

"Oh, Harry," Louis murmurs before scooting even closer and hugging him as tightly as their sleeping bags allow. Harry lets a few tears fall onto Louis' shoulder and lets himself enjoy the comforting hand on his back even if he doesn't deserve any of it.

 

Eventually, Louis falls asleep, curled around Harry. When the lights of dawn start seeping through the fabric of the tent, Harry falls asleep for a couple of fitful hours.

 

Second day at Glastonbury is made up of incredible music, and Louis all around him. Louis hugging him, holding him close. Louis making jokes and being completely ridiculous just to make Harry laugh. Louis touching his hair and his hands whenever he can. Harry's sleepiness dissipates under Louis' care and gives way to an almost permanent smile and a terribly giddy feeling in his stomach. He refuses to think of anything but the amazing time they’re having. Kendall and Cara shoot him several knowing looks throughout the day but don’t comment at all. They even leave the boys to their own devices when they decide to go to some Latin American group called Bomba Estereo instead of George The Poet, which both Harry and Louis deem as insane.

 

They spend most of that night talking in whispers, pressed together on the far side of their half of the tent. Louis tells him anecdotes about his sisters, like the time the twins decided to redecorate the whole house by painting flowers on every wall. Or how Lottie used to turn all the clocks in the house back so that their parents thought that Louis had arrived at curfew. Or how Louis had decided to start reading Harry Potter to the twins to get them to sleep one day, but it had turned into all of the siblings hiding out in their rooms reading until 3 or 4 am for weeks so they could finish the whole series.

 

Harry tells him about Gemma, how she used to take him to parties so he wasn’t alone all the time in his awkward years. How she was always the one who knew when he was upset and how to make him happy. How their fights were so vicious sometimes his mum had to lock them in separate rooms until they cooled.

 

Somehow, when all the noise has faded and the darkness surrounds them in a safe and comfortable cocoon, they end up talking about what they want in the future. Louis wants to act; it’s always been his dream even though he loves modelling. Harry wants to sing until people wonder how he’s still standing on his frail, old legs. They both want kids, many of them, and as many pets as they can look after.

 

Harry falls asleep first, exhausted but smiling.

 

The last day of the festival is Alt-J’s day, because even if they go to several other shows, that’s the one that matters. In the throng of people Louis’ back ends up pressed against Harry’s front and they sway to the rhythm of the music, letting it fill them completely. Then Joe Newman starts to sing “A flood of blood to the heart” on repeat and Harry hold Louis closer and mouths the words against the skin of his neck. He feels maybe he could just start flying and not notice it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be out on Wednesday. [I'm on tumblr](iwillsingwithyou.tumblr.com)


	10. Roots

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to thank Nike again, for going to incredible lengths to make this story better.

** **

 

**Chapter 10: Roots**

**Harry Styles’ busy weekend at Glastonbury**

_Mary Blake for Metro.co.uk Tuesday 30 Jun 2015 5:46 pm_

Harry Styles has been keeping himself entertained with models lately. This weekend at Glastonbury Festival the rocker was seen with Kendall Jenner, Cara Delevigne and Louis Tomlinson. Photos popped up on Tumblr showing Harry looking very cozy with the three models.

**[ _Photo shows Harry and Kendall sitting close together in front of a bonfire. Both smiling._ ]**

**just friends? Harry Styles engages Kendall Jenner in intimate conversation.**

 

**[ _Photo shows Harry and Cara from behind. Their arms are around each other’s shoulders_ ]**

**Long rumoured to be dating in secret, Cara Delevigne and Harry Styles enjoy some live music.**

**[ _Photo shows a shirtless Harry giving Louis a beer. Louis is sitting on a blanket. He is smiling up at Harry_.]**

**Seems like Harry Styles finally got Louis Tomlinson’s attention after his relentless Twitter campaign.**

So, who do you think was lucky enough to enjoy Harry’s attention back in his tent?

**  
  
  
**

**New dates announced for Liam Payne’s Around the World Tour!**

Are you one of the unfortunate fans that got left out of the mad rush to get tickets for Liam Payne’s new tour? Fret not! You have a second chance to go see your idol.

Liam has announced second dates in Los Angeles, New York, Chicago, Fort Lauderdale, Mexico City, San José, Bogotá, Rio de Janeiro, Buenos Aires and Santiago. Additionally, he has announced an Asian leg of his tour. The dates and countries have not been specified yet, but they will be in October.

This is Liam’s third tour, but it is the first time he’ll be going to Asia and South America. On the subject, the popstar tweeted:

 

 **28/06/2015 10:45 @Real_Liam_Payne:** Im so blessed to be given the opportunity to travel around the world and meet so many fans

**28/06/2015 10:47 @Real_Liam_Payne:** A massive thank you to everyone who bought tickets!!! Love you loooaaaddds

The tickets for the new dates in the Americas will be on sale on Liam Payne’s webpage on the first of July at 10 a.m. The dates and ticket prices of the Asian leg will be available sometime next week.

**June 29, 2015 at 7:10pm — celebuzz**

_Written by: Ikbal Sadik_

**  
  
**

**Screenshot of Niall Horan’s official webpage taken by his mother**

The picture shows the Events page of Niall’s official webpage. There is a list of dates and places. All the places are in the UK, USA or Mexico. Most show the same message on a column to the right: TICKETS STILL AVAILABLE.

**  
  
**

\---------

The smouldering look Louis sends his way has Harry feeling shivers all the way from the back of his neck to the back of his knees. He doesn’t look away, though. He sends back an equally hot look that unfortunately turns into a grin far too quickly. The photographer scolds Louis as the model laughs and Harry mouths ‘sorry’ at him.

It’s Louis’ fifth photoshoot with Burberry and Harry is tagging along. Niall is on tour across the UK and Ireland. Liam is in the States. Zayn doesn’t seem to spend much time at home, mostly working in his studio. Everyone is working except for Harry. He hasn’t even opened his song book in two weeks.

The last song he wrote is very different from anything he’s written before that he feels a bit lost. He hasn’t recorded it. Hasn’t even sung it all the way. He feels it needs more than what he is capable of putting into music. It needs some jazzy sounds and a woman’s voice and trumpets or something similar. A lot more complexity than he usually uses in his songs.

So for the last few weeks, since Glastonbury, he’s simply been tagging along with Louis. It’s a comfortable kind of routine, one that is entirely new to him. They go out some nights to get some drinks or to party, and other nights they stay in watching the strangest movies they can come across. It’s fun.

He knows now that Louis always wanted to be famous, to be the centre of attention. He knows how he likes his eggs in the morning and how much he cares about his family. He also knows that there is more than that. He knows that there is a rift between him and his mum that has something to do with his stepfather. He wants to know everything.

Harry hasn’t talked to Niall about the bet again. He holds the remote hope that the whole thing will just resolve itself if he ignores it long enough. Even if he misses his friend, he feels more settled when he doesn’t have to deal with everything that comes with that friendship. Louis is easy and relaxing, especially compared to Niall.

When the photo shoot is over they go to a little pizza place near Harry’s home since Louis is feeling rebellious about his diet. Harry indulges him, of course; he thinks it’s crazy that anyone would want to change the wonderland that is Louis’ body.

“Ugh, I’m so full,” Louis complains as he leans back and pats his stomach contentedly. Harry hums in agreement, drinking some water.

“I might have to go with you on one of your insane workouts to burn this off, but it was so worth it.”

Harry smiles softly and tilts his head a bit. “You could join me for a jog tomorrow. It’s always so lonely.”

Louis laughs a bit.

“Harry, I don’t think I’ve ever met someone so in need of company as you. Your workouts and my photoshoots are the only times we’ve spent apart for the last couple of weeks!”

Harry looks away, suddenly feeling vulnerable. He always does this, always latches onto people until they have to tell him to step back. He didn’t think Louis minded but obviously he was wrong.

“No! No, I didn’t mean it like that!” Louis reaches over the table to touch his hand. “I’ve really enjoyed it, I’m just surprised you haven’t grown bored of me!”

Harry feels relief enveloping him like a cosy blanket.

“I don’t think I’ll get bored of you,” he says truthfully. “You’re cool.”

Louis laughs, obviously pleased, and they ask for the bill. As they wait for the change, Louis’ phone rings and he picks it up with a little frown.

“Lottie? Hi! What’s going on?” Louis’ frown deepens. “What’s happening?”

Harry waits, worrying about what might be wrong, but not wanting to interrupt. Louis seems more and more troubled as he listens.

“Okay, calm down, please. What do you want me to do?” There is a pause. “I could pick you up, if you want… Yeah, for a few days… It’ll be alright, we’ll manage somehow. Yeah, love, it’s no trouble… Okay, see you in a few hours. Love you too.” Louis hangs up and sighs deeply.

“Everything alright?” Harry asks, worried.

“Yeah, it’s okay. I just need to go get my sisters.” He starts to get up, so Harry follows.

“To Doncaster?”

“Yeah, long story. I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?”

“It’s almost eight! You’re going to drive up to Doncaster and back now?” Harry asks. Louis just nods and shrugs a bit as they make their way out of the restaurant.

“Louis, wait! I’ll go with you, we can switch while driving.” Louis smiles at him gratefully and agrees.

There are more cars on the road than he expected. He wonders why all these people need to travel this late. Louis is too still beside him. His gaze is fixed to the corner of the window. The light of the setting sun makes him glow golden. Harry clears his throat.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he ventures.

“Yeah, maybe…” Louis’s mouth barely moves as he talks.

“What happened?”

“My parents are getting a divorce, I think. They’re fighting right now. The girls can’t stand it anymore.”

“I thought your father left…”

“No, yeah, my biological father left when I was a baby. My stepfather adopted me. I have his last name,” Louis explains dismissively. “The girls are his, though.”

Harry nods, prompting him to continue.

“He wants to move to New York. He has a job offer there waiting for him. They want him so much they told him he can go whenever. Mum’s life is here, though. That’s not the reason they’re getting a divorce, but if they do, I don’t think he’ll stay.”

“Does he want to take your sisters with him?”

Louis nods.

“I don’t think my mum would allow it, so it’s just a big mess. They’ll be caught in court and they can’t really afford that.”

“There’s no chance for them to stay together?”

“No, I don’t think so. They’re too different and…” Louis pauses and sighs. “Let’s just say that there are differences in opinions about certain things that make it really hard for them to get along.”

“I’m really sorry,” Harry says, not knowing what else he could say.

“Thanks.”

“I haven’t seen my family in three years,” he admits, trying to make Louis at ease by being as vulnerable as he made himself. “I ran away from home when I was 16.”

Harry had told Louis about being young and moneyless in London, but he had never explained why he had ended up there. He doesn’t know why he needs Louis to see him with all the flaws he’s tried to hide so hard from everyone else but Niall, but the need is real and unstoppable.

Louis breathes out.

“Why?” he says softly, as if he can’t believe Harry would answer.

“Because I was an immature little shit. My mother had a new boyfriend and I felt like that was betrayal or something stupid like that. And well, I was being bullied quite severely at school because I’m not straight. And Gemma was away for college so I couldn’t really go to her. It’s not an excuse but I was already keyed up, you know?” Harry speaks haltingly and painfully.

“One day I came home after being beat up and just wanting some peace. But he was there, Robin, and I just lost it. I called my mum a whore and said I didn’t want to live in a place where someone so disgusting lived.” He stops, unable to continue retelling his greatest shame.

Louis’ eyebrows rise progressively higher as he listens to Harry.

“Fuck,” he mutters when he realises Harry isn’t going to continue.

“Fuck is right.”

“Have you apologised to her?”

Harry stares at the road.

“No, I was too ashamed at first. I still am, but either way, I don’t think she would forgive me. I sent a few emails, letting her know I was alive. Her answers were less than warm.”

Louis half-shrugs as if to say: “What else did you expect?”

“I think you should go there someday, apologise for real. Family is important, you know?”

Harry shakes his head. He’s not ready for that. He doesn’t know if he’ll ever be.

The conversation dies down for a while and then turns to music. Louis seems to relax a bit as they listen to Cage the Elephant’s Come a Little Closer.

The house is dark and ominous at the end of the road. The street lamps give off enough light to make out the huddle of girls sitting on the front lawn. They make a pitiful picture, the twins curled up around Lottie and Fizzy and all around them their small bags spread on the grass.

Fizzy is the first to see the Range Rover and she squints at Harry suspiciously as she rouses her sisters. He feels like an intruder as Louis steps out and they surround him in one of those real family hugs of shared pain. He vaguely remembers what that felt like. It felt like support.

Lottie is the only one to acknowledge him. She squeezes his shoulder briefly as she sits behind him and murmurs “thank you” under her breath. They all remain silent after that, as if any word could break something precious. The girls, except for Daisy, are asleep by the time they drive through Newark-on-Trent. Daisy just stares out the window, shifting around on Lottie’s lap. In Grantham, almost half an hour later, she starts crying. She tries to muffle the sound but Louis still hears her. He stops the car and asks Harry to switch places again so he can hold her on the passenger seat.

Harry drives them all the way to London. When they get to Louis’ flat, it’s 3 a.m. and Harry’s eyes are falling shut. He yawns widely as they put the girls in the guest room, on the other side of Zayn’s room; the eldest two on the queen bed and the twins on a mattress on the floor.

“Stay here tonight, yeah? It’s late and you can’t drive anymore,” Louis whispers and Harry nods.

He doesn’t put up any resistance as Louis takes his hand and leads him to his room. His tired mind doesn't really register what’s happening until he feels Louis’ hands moving up from his chest to his shoulders, pushing his leather jacket off and onto the ground.   
  


“Lou?” He asks, confused.

Louis kisses him.

It’s soft and heartfelt. Harry shudders all over from it. He circles Louis’ narrow waist with his arms and brings him closer. He feels warm and breathless. Louis’ tongue and mouth against his are slow and wonderful.

They break apart. There is a tiny, beautiful smile teasing Louis’ lips as he presses a quick peck on Harry’s tingling mouth.

“Oh.” Harry breathes, eloquently. Louis’ smile grows until his eyes crinkle and Harry blinks.

Louis guides him to the bed, since his brain has turned into a mush of tiredness and exclamation points.

They sleep curled around each other, with Stormtrooper balancing on Harry’s hip. When Harry wakes to find Louis’ face inches from his, Louis’ hair is a mess and a strand is lightly brushing his cheekbone. He breathes through the panic in his chest and the numbness in his arms. He can’t fuck up, he can’t fuck up.

Louis wakes and smiles gently at him like he’s telling him he won’t. Deep down, Harry knows Louis is wrong. Fuck.

\---------

Harry makes chocolate chip pancakes for everyone the next morning. Fizzy was a little wary of him until she tasted the first bite and then she started talking to him animatedly.

They were all understandably subdued but seemed to be coping as well as could be expected.

As everyone is finishing up their pancakes, Fizzy raises her voice slightly to call to Louis sitting on the other side of the table.

“Lou, how is Eleanor doing? I haven’t seen you in a while.”

For some reason, this question seems to unsettle Lottie most of all. Louis just smiles quickly and replies: “She’s doing fine, she’ll graduate from uni in about a month.”

Fizzy nods, satisfied and Lottie looks down at the chocolate chip bits on her plate. She pushes it away.

Harry doesn’t pry. Obviously, whoever Eleanor is, she isn’t liked unanimously by the Tomlinson children. He doesn’t want to meddle in family conflicts.

Louis has a meeting with his manager so Harry offers take all his sisters wherever they want to go. They decide to go to the zoo, the only option that appealed to the twins and the eldest sisters.

It’s a warm and sunny day and they enjoy it fully. Harry enjoys the monkeys particularly, and the twins seem to agree with him. Lottie decides that Harry must try and talk to every single snake, just in case one answers back. At 2 p.m. they decide to get lunch. As the twins run ahead under the supervision of Fizzy, Lottie turns to Harry, suddenly serious.

“Harry, I don’t want you to take this the wrong way, but is there anything going on between you and my brother?”

Taken by surprise, Harry just flounders for a bit, not making sense. She cuts him off.

“I’m just asking because I want you to be careful with him. He can’t be in a relationship with you but you seem to be a bit in too deep already.”

Harry has no doubt she means that. Maybe she is right; he may be in too deep. However, Louis was the one to kiss him, so clearly it isn’t completely one-sided.

Just as he’s about to answer something, anything, his phone rings. He picks it up quickly, grateful for the distraction.

It’s Niall. He’s in London for two days and he refuses to not see Harry at least once before going to Edinburgh. Harry agrees easily, suddenly noticing how much he misses him.

He drops the girls off at Louis’ and texts him to say that he’ll be back tomorrow. Louis’ message comes when he’s parking the car at Niall’s.

**03/07/2015 17: 22 Louis:** Sorry, I was thinking that I’d like to spend some time with the girls.

 **17: 23 Louis:** I have most of next week free so I want to take advantage of thst while they’re here.

Harry ignores the little discomfort the thought of not seeing Louis for a whole week wakes inside him. Of course he wants to spend time with his sisters. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

**17: 25 Harry:** Okay, don’t worry about it!

\---------

Niall is jovial as he offers Harry a beer and starts telling him stories of the tour. Niall loves going on tour. He loves meeting his fans and entertaining them. It’s one part of his public persona that isn’t contrived at all. After a riveting telling of an encounter with a couple of fans at a bar, Niall turns the conversation towards what Harry’s been doing.

Harry tells him he’s been spending time with Louis and it’s been quite pleasant. Niall’s gaze turns sharp all of a sudden.

“Have you written at all?” he inquires abruptly. Harry looks away, embarrassed. Niall waits for him to shake his head before leaning closer and murmuring: “You can’t do that, Harry.”

He sounds so disappointed that Harry feels his stomach contract painfully.

“I don’t know what to write about anymore,” he confesses.

“That’s an excuse. You just haven’t been taking the time to sit and write.”

Harry nods, knowing that even though he had sat down a couple of times, he hadn’t been doing it regularly or long enough to work through his block.

“You have to write. This is what you do. You can’t not write.” Niall’s tone allows no argument and Harry has none.

“I think,” Harry pauses, ashamed, “I need rules.”

Niall takes his hand and there it is. This is why Niall is his best friend and will always be. He knows Harry. He knows exactly what he needs.

“Two weeks. No social outings. Minimal phone use. At least 3 songs a day, doesn’t matter if they’re shit.”

Harry feels a weight he didn’t know was there lift from his shoulders. He nods gratefully and places his forehead on their intertwined fingers.

“Thank you,” he whispers and feels a hand petting his scalp.

\---------

He informs his closest friends and Louis about his creative lockdown through a collective text. It goes a lot better than he dared to expect. The songs start pouring out of him almost as soon as he touches his guitar. It just proves how his creative process is not a free and wild beast that needs no control. Most of what he comes up with is rubbish, of course, but some of the songs have promise. They’re different. They explore his thoughts about friendship and connections to people. He tries to pour out his feelings of longing for something he can’t quite define yet.

Jackie keeps him fed and hydrated when he doesn’t do it himself. For the first five days he follows Niall’s rules strictly and consciously.

On Thursday morning, however, he finds that he can’t stop thinking about Louis. He hasn’t seen him since Friday, almost a week. His skin is itching from the lack of contact and he hears Louis’ voice singing in his mind every time he listens to Jack White’s Lazaretto, which he now has on repeat.

He makes it through Thursday and most of Friday before he gives up.

He’s in the car park of Louis’ building without having made an actual conscious decision to go. He feels quite foolish, standing there, waiting to be buzzed up, dressed in sweatpants and a ratty old t-shirt.

Louis comes out to greet him in the dark car park, though. His hair is flat and shiny, without any shaping products, the way Harry likes it best. When he sees Louis smiling at him with his eyes all crinkled up, he can’t resist just taking the smaller man in his arms.

“Weren’t you supposed to be on lockdown for another week?” Louis laughs in his ear. Harry shivers happily.

“I couldn’t stay away,” he replies truthfully and feels Louis tug at his hair in a way that could quickly destroy his sanity. “Is that alright? You said you wanted time with the girls.”

Despite his efforts, his voice still reflects some measure of insecurity.

“Yeah, definitely. I just meant a couple of days! Now I think they’ve grown bored of me. They’ll be thrilled to see you.”

They spend the night watching Disney movies as the twins braid flowers into Harry’s hair and Lottie shows him her Twitter notifications. He’s been out of the loop for a while and he didn’t even know that pictures of them at the zoo had made their way onto Twitter. Lottie is now officially rumoured to have slept with him. As is Louis, of course, since pictures of them during the first day of Glastonbury have surfaced. Louis hasn’t mentioned it, though, so Harry doesn’t either. He laughs along with her at the most outlandish comments and clicks to follow her. She didn’t ask him to, but when she notices, her eyes grow wide and happy and Louis nudges Harry’s leg with his foot to smile at him.

\---------

On Sunday, when Harry is making lunch for everyone, Louis hops on the counter next to him and calls his name softly. Harry shuffles closer immediately when he sees how nervous Louis looks.

“Everything alright?” he asks.

“Yeah, more than alright, actually. I got an audition for a secondary role in a series. It could be a scene-stealing role.” Louis’ face shows a disbelieving kind of awe that pierces through Harry’s heart painfully.

“Louis! Congratulations! That’s so awesome! I’m so happy for you!” he gushes as he steps forward to take Louis in his arms. Louis hugs him back fiercely.

“Um… It’s just that, I hate to ask, but it’s tomorrow and I kind of told my mum I would take the girls back…,” Louis mumbled as the hug ends.

“Of course! Don’t worry, I’ll drive them.”

Louis presses a kiss to the very corner of Harry’s mouth. Harry has to bite the inside of his cheek to stop his grin from breaking free.

After they lie down on the bed to sleep, Louis holds Harry closely and whispers:

“One of the main reasons my parents are getting divorced is because of me.”

Harry lets out a surprised breath. “What? Why?”

“When I was growing up I was… well, I wasn’t the most boyish of boys, if you know what mean.”

Harry furrows his brows.

“I was really effeminate, okay?” Louis explains. “My mum never liked that. She always tried to make me change the way I spoke or held my body. It was exhausting, I didn’t understand what I was doing wrong. I didn’t even notice how I acted, you know?”

Harry nods, feeling a lump in his throat. They are face-to-face, and Harry can see the way Louis’ bottom lip trembles as he speaks. His eyes are dry, though.

“My dad -my stepdad– always got very angry at her when she did that. I would often hear them fighting about it. I heard her say ‘he better not become a shirt-lifter’ a couple of times.”

Louis closes his eyes and Harry knows he’s not going to talk anymore. He can piece out the rest though. Louis didn’t want to be gay. He didn’t want to disappoint his mother. And his father would’ve seen this struggle and hated it even more. Harry can only imagine how complex the situation was, since Louis isn’t his biological son.

“Oh, Lou.” He whispers and kisses his cheek as he fits his body closer to Louis.

“Does your mum know about you?” Louis murmurs hiding his face in Harry’s neck.

“Yeah, I told her as soon as I knew. She was very proud of me for that.” He feels horrible as he says it, a sharp stab of longing makes his chest ache.

“You shouldn’t waste that. If you feel up to it, you could make the best of your drive up north and visit her.”

Harry swallows and nods even though he knows he won’t do it. He is not brave enough.

\---------

As he’s standing in front of the door of his childhood home, ready to press the doorbell, he knows that it wasn’t about courage at all. It was all about shutting his brain off and just not thinking about what he had to do. Because after spending a whole weekend with Louis’ family, he understood that he did have to do it.

The door opens before he rings. He feels a dizzying swoop in his belly as he sees her.

“Hi, mum.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [I'm on Tumblr](iwillsingwithyou.tumblr.com)


	11. Mending and Breaking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO HARRY!!!
> 
> If you haven't and you have some extra money, go donate to the birthday drive for Switchboard. It's a great charity that takes calls from LGBTQIA people who need someone to talk to.  
> [ Birthday Drive](http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/fundraiser-web/fundraiser/showFundraiserProfilePage.action?userUrl=HARRY21)
> 
> As usual, a massive, gigantic thank you to Nike, who still likes me even with my infernal run-on sentences and braid kinks.

****

 

**Chapter 11: Mending and breaking**

The walls are covered in Pink Floyd and Nirvana posters. Books and assorted little items rest on the bookshelves. All the little trinkets used to mean something to him; each one of them symbolising an important event or thought or person. He remembers feeling sad about leaving it all behind. Now he can’t even remember what most of them meant. He never thought he’d see these things again and yet here he is, in his old bedroom, waiting for his mum to come home from work to find the dinner he’s made for her and Robin. He can’t believe he’s been here for several days already. He can’t stop going over the first day he’d been here, replaying every bit of conversation in his mind, just to make sure it wasn’t a dream.

When the door opened and he saw her there, looking so much older than he remembered, he wanted to run. Anne stared at him for a long time and then reached for him and gave him a fierce hug.

"What took you so long?" she asked in a furious whisper and he couldn't hold the tears back.

"I'm so, so sorry, mum. I was such an idiot. I'm so sorry."

There was a noise from inside the house and Robin's broad silhouette came into view in the corridor. Harry swallowed and said in a louder voice:

"Hello, Robin. I came to apologise."

Anne took his hand and lead him inside to the living room. Robin didn't follow them. They sat facing each other on opposite ends of a long couch that hadn't been there when Harry had left.

"I am really sorry, mum. I had no right at all to say any of the stuff I said," he gets out in a rush. His hands are sweating and his heart is beating incredibly fast.

"Do you think maybe you could try to explain why you did? I've been going over everything since you left. I know I wasn’t the best mother I could be. I made so many mistakes, darling. I just want to hear it from your side." Anne's voice was calm and soothing.

"I can try." Harry had said and in between mumbles and silences, he managed to explain as best as he could.

Niall, his only friend at the time, had left. He had kissed a boy at a party and the boy had then spread it all over school. Everyone had started looking at him in disgust and made horrible comments about him under their breaths. Then Gemma had left too and he really had no one to talk to. Anne had been with Robin all the time; he never felt like they could talk at all. And then he'd moved in and Harry was supposed to just accept him like family instantly, even if he always talked a little too loud at the table and got angry at Harry often. Anne had spent more time nagging Harry about being nicer to Robin than actually talking to Harry. And then Anne and Robin had thrown an engagement party just the day before his last A Level exam. He hadn't been able to sleep until very late because they insisted he stayed until the end and help them clean up. The next afternoon he had been beaten up while he was returning home from his really bad exam and arrived to be lectured for not having made his bed that morning. Anne hadn't even noticed he could barely walk. That had been when he'd gone up, packed his bags, and came down to scream unforgivable things at his mum.

Anne was openly crying when he finished his story. He had tried to be as mild as possible, so she wouldn't feel like he was accusing her. But even after three years, he could still feel anger roiling in his stomach.

“Oh, Harry. I was such an idiot,” she sobbed and he started sobbing too. He gathered her in his arms. “I am so sorry. I should’ve been there for you. I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too, mum. I had no right. I should’ve talked to you.”

They hugged for a long while, forgiving themselves and each other. They had been doing that for almost a week now. Talking and crying and hugging in between bouts of laughter and a slow rebuilding of their family life. He had talks with Robin too, getting to know him better without the strain of having to live together. They quite liked each other now.

Harry feels like he’s starting to heal wounds that had seemed to have festered irreparably. He thinks of Louis often, of how much he owes him. He has told him mum about him, and she is very happy for him. However, he hasn't heard much from Louis in more than a week. Just as he sighs and decides to listen to some John Newman to lift his spirit, his phone rings.

"Hello?" he answers without looking who is calling, hoping to hear Louis' raspy tones on the line.

"Harry? This is Lottie Tomlinson." Harry's brows furrow; he doesn't remember giving her his number, though he supposes she must have gotten it from Louis.

"Hey, Lottie. How are you doing?"

"Um... I have something to tell you, Harry, and you're not gonna like it. But I think you should know."

\---------

Harry feels tremors in his hands and his stomach as he waits for the lift to get to the fifth floor. His mind is going in circles, not able to grasp onto anything. He knows he's not being rational. He knows when he gets like this he makes mistakes. He hates it. Absolutely hates feeling this vulnerable. And yet he can't stop. He doesn't even really notice taking his steps as he nears Louis' door and knocks.

The door opens quickly; clearly Louis was waiting by the door since he buzzed Harry up.

"Harry, are you okay? You look a bit pale," Louis says softly as he reaches for Harry's face.

Harry resists the urge to pull his face away. He feels cold. Stormtrooper climbs her way onto his shoulder and rubs her head happily against Harry’s cheek. Harry takes strength in the soothing motion.

"I'm okay. You?" He knows his words sound forced. He's not an actor. Not like Louis. He's never been good at hiding his feelings when they are strong. He's not Louis.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Come in, sit down." Louis leads him to the couch and they sit on opposite sides of it.

Harry takes a deep breath; he puts the kitten on the table, where she stares at them curiously.

"I wanted to thank you. I've been in Holmes Chapel with my family. I would never have gone there without your advice."

Louis smiles wide. His eyes crinkle at the sides and Harry feels like he could punch him.

“Oh, Harry,” Louis sighs and crosses the distance between them to hug him. Harry forces his body out of its stiffness and hugs him back. Then he realises he's going to do something very stupid. He tries to stop himself, but it’s all in vain. Fuck. He has no self-control when he gets like this.

He turns his head in the embrace and catches Louis' mouth with his own. He's desperate, he wants to cry, to hold and never let go. Louis responds easily. He gives as good as he gets.

Harry pushes Louis until he's lying back on the couch with Harry's hips between his legs.

Harry deepens the kiss and feels his own hands turn rash and demanding on Louis' thighs and sides. Louis moans and circles his hips, pushing even closer. And then suddenly the painful pressure of Louis’ body against his is gone and Harry is on his side on the couch staring up at the dusty ceiling.

"We can't, Harry, I'm sorry."

Harry asks brusquely, “Why not?”, as he makes a grab for Louis’ arm and begins to roll on top of him again, but Louis shoves him away.

"Yeah, I figured your soon-to-be-fiancée would object to it." Harry can feel tears of rage and hurt and anger and agony collecting in his eyes and wants to hide his face. He doesn’t have to, since Louis is the one to hide his own face in his hands.

"Fuck. Who told you?" he whispers, muffled by his hand.

"Lottie. She didn't want you to hurt me. Funny how she thought of that and you didn't."

"Hurt you?" Louis repeats, obviously confused. "Why would it hurt you?"

Harry feels those words like a physical blow to his sternum. He's an idiot.

He thinks of the long hours in the darkness of their tent, of lying on the floor listening to whole albums, of driving all the way to ugly Doncaster, of kisses he’s now afraid were only ever in his head. It was all meaningless. Fuck.

"Right," he manages and gets up and starts to walk away.

"Wait." Louis catches up to him and turns him with a firm hold on his arm. "You... You're not saying that you..." He can't seem to find the words.

Harry isn't going to provide them.

"I'm not saying anything, Louis. Just... good bye. Have a nice life with her."

He wants to make a dramatic exit, but he stumbles over something and looks down to see Storm looking up at him with her big, sad eyes. He pets her head quickly and whispers “Bye Bye, little Miss” before leaving with his heart in his throat.

\---------

He goes to Niall. Of course he does. There isn't anyone else he would willingly be with when he's like this. He somehow finds himself in Niall's arms. He vaguely notices the still unpacked bags on the floor and the slight stale smell of the house and he realises that his friend has just arrived from another leg of his tour. He must be exhausted. He doesn't know how long he spends there, not crying, just absorbing Niall's strength. There has never been any doubt about who is stronger between the two of them. Harry wishes he could steal some of that strength permanently. He wishes he knew how to control his feelings.

He's not like Niall though. And he has just realised that he was right about romantic feelings all along. They are definitely not worth it, worth anything in the least.

Niall doesn't pressure him to talk. He eventually gets him in bed and doesn't leave until Harry manages to fall into a fitful sleep. Harry doesn't remember his dreams as he wakes up but there are tears dried in his eyelashes. He swears to himself that those will be the only tears he sheds for something as silly as a crush.

Niall is waiting for him in the dining room. Breakfast is served. Harry manages a few bites.

"Louis is getting engaged in a week," he says, sounding quite casual. He is proud of that.

Niall nods.

"Oh, that's too bad. Is it a girl?" Niall asks, imitating Harry's tone.

"Yes. They've been dating for about three years now."

"He kept it well out of the media, didn't he?" Niall seems impressed. It's not so surprising, though, Harry thinks. Louis isn't that famous. Or he wasn't until recently.

"He kept it well out of our conversations too."

"Really?"

“Yeah.”

They eat in silence for a few minutes.

“So, did you manage to have sex with him?” Niall asks all of a sudden.

Harry shakes his head; he hadn’t been thinking about the bet.

“Well, you owe me a favour now, don’t you?”

“Fuck, Niall, you’re still hung up on that? Can’t we just let it go?” Harry gets up from the table, suddenly angry.

“You lost, Harry. A bet is a bet. You couldn’t stick your prick up Tomlinson’s pucker, so now you owe me a fucking favour!”

Harry hears a shuffle behind him and turns towards the door to see George, the butler, closely followed by a wide-eyed Zayn.

Niall explodes.

“How many times must I fucking tell you to announce people before you let them in?” he bellows at George. Harry’s eyes catch Zayn’s as the handsome man turns to leave.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [I'm on Tumblr](iwillsingwithyou.tumblr.com)
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> Next chapter out on Friday.


	12. Some Truths

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to Nike, who is amazing.

 

**Chapter 12: Some truth**

 

“Zayn, wait!” he calls. They reach the entry hall before Zayn turns and glares at Harry. He can’t even properly process the amount of disgust directed at him.

 

“Fucking hell, I knew you were slimy bastards but I never took you for such a child. A bet! A fucking bet! What are you? Twelve?”

 

“I know. I know it was stupid. I wasn’t thinking,” Harry tries to plead. He feels panic beginning to spread through his body. Louis cannot find out. “Please, please don’t tell Louis.”

 

It turns out Zayn can get more disgusted with him.

 

“Fuck you! What the fuck? Of course I’m gonna tell ‘im. You don’t get to fuck my mate to win a bet!” Zayn’s voice is passionate, steady and deadly.

 

“I’m not going to - I just don’t want him to know because it doesn’t matter.”

 

“Doesn’t matter? You’ve been pretending to be his friend for months!” Zayn’s fist are curled and he looks ready to strike.

 

“I wasn’t! I wasn’t pretending. The bet stopped mattering as soon as I started to get to know him.”

 

“Of course. You just didn’t care enough for his feelings to call it all off!” Zayn shakes his head in disbelief.

 

Harry wishes he could explain everything, how he was unwilling to hurt Liam. Surely that would count for something in Zayn’s eyes. But he wouldn’t betray Niall like that. Zayn starts to turn towards the door again.

 

“His feelings were never the ones in danger,” Harry calls, thinking at least he should make that clear, if Zayn tells Louis. Zayn glares at him.

 

“What is that supposed to mean?” he demands.

 

“I mean, he has Eleanor. I was never in a position where I could really hurt him. Her feelings might have been at risk, and certainly mine were, but not his.”

 

Zayn asks, “You know about Eleanor?”

 

Harry nods.

 

“Is that why you don’t want to sleep with him anymore?” Harry shrugs. “That’s bullshit, I saw the pictures of the Buffy actress, Sarah M-something. Whatever. You’ve never cared about couples!”

 

“I’m not a home-breaker.” Harry hates that people believe this about him. “Don’t believe everything you read in the news.”

 

Zayn continues to glare at him. Perhaps the glare is weaker.

 

“What do you mean, your feelings were at risk?”

 

Harry looks away, embarrassed to have exposed himself like this.

 

“Ugh.” Zayn huffs.

 

“You have feelings for him,” he states, he doesn’t ask. “Good. Too good.. Harry Styles finally grows a heart and develops feelings for someone and it’s Louis Tomlinson. Fucking karma, heh?”

 

Zayn laughs.

 

“Please don’t tell him… about the bet and… the other stuff,” Harry pleads, desperate. The emotion on Zayn’s face is no longer disgust; it’s pity.

 

“Alright. I won’t. But I have one condition.”

 

Harry agrees too quickly. “Stay away from Louis and Liam. Don’t talk to them unless it’s work-related.”

 

Harry feels a stab in his chest.

 

“Fine,” he manages to force out through his dry throat.

 

\---------

 

Harry deleted Liam from his contacts a week ago, just after his lovely conversation with Blond-streak. Somehow, it bothers him; the fact that Zayn has a blond-streaked quiff. He shouldn’t be allowed to have a cool hairdo. And how dare he be gorgeous.  

 

He grits his teeth as his phone starts ringing, again. He doesn’t have Liam in his contacts, but he can recognise vaguely whose number is on his screen. He doesn’t pick up and hates himself for it. Liam and Harry had spoken almost everyday for the last two months. Even during his creative isolation period, Harry had made time for Liam. And now Harry has to cut him off. He doesn’t even know if he could explain it to Liam, so he stops trying to contact Harry.

 

He could say, ‘Your best friend forever slash love of your life doesn’t want me to talk to you or he’ll tell his other best friend forever slash roommate that I made a bet to sleep with him’?

 

He tries to steer his mind away from ‘the roommate’. He doesn’t even dare think his name.

 

A notification sound rings through his murky thoughts. He looks at his phone’s screen. Liam left a message. There are no rules against listening to messages as long as he doesn’t talk back.

 

“Hey mate, how’s it going? We haven’t talked in a while but Niall said you were just busy in the studio, so I guess you can’t pick up right now. I just wanted to tell you that things with Zayn are much better now. He’s stopped seeing Blair, and we’ve been talking a lot lately. You’ve helped me so much along the way, even if it was just by keeping me distracted. So, I want you to be the first to know that I’m planning on telling him real soon. Anyway, there’s a party on Friday at Niall’s to celebrate our birthdays since we’ll both be on tour for the next few months and it’s the only weekend we have in London together. You should come, yeah?”

 

Harry sighs and puts the phone back in his pocket. Josh pats his shoulder comfortingly.

“Should I go again?” he asks.

 

Harry nods and watches him sit at the drums for another try at figuring out this song.

 

When he’s not at the studio, he’s at Niall’s, usually. It wouldn’t be weird for him to be at the party. He is Niall’s friend. If Liam happened to be there, well, he can’t ignore him. That would just be rude. Surely, Zayn will understand.

 

\---------

 

The party is already spinning out of control when he gets there. He is glad for that. In the chaos, the chances of running into Zayn are greatly diminished. The whole house is full of people; each room providing its own atmosphere, varying from calm and filled with serious conversations to rave-like dancing.

 

He goes straight for the drinks in the dining room and finds Liam in a drinking off with Niall. No one holds their alcohol the way Niall does, so Harry knows it won’t end well for Liam.

 

The brown-haired pop star is already showing signs of severe intoxication. His eyes are unfocussed and he is slurring his words as he says: "I can't believe you're not even feeling it a little bit."

 

Niall laughs. "You should not try to out-drink an Irishman!"

 

"He's right, you know? It's never worth it," Harry inserts himself in the conversation. "If I were you, Liam, I would give up now."

 

Liam pouts and there is a chorus of laughter around them. Finally, he gets up and bows to Niall, admitting defeat.

 

"Okay, then, coward. Who's next?" Niall calls and a voluptuous woman takes Liam's seat in front of him. "Oh, m'lady, I'll be kind!"

 

Harry sees a devilish glint in her dark eyes and thinks maybe Niall has found his match. Or at least she seems to think so.

 

Liam suddenly leans against him, clearly unable to stand straight. Harry holds him with an arm over his shoulders.

 

"You okay?" he asks, a little worried. Liam smiles happily.

 

"I'm great, Harry. Really great. I'm so great."

 

Harry is about to say something great when he makes out Zayn's blond-streaked quiff coming towards them. He drops his arm but this unbalances Liam slightly and he leans more heavily against Harry.

 

Zayn's brown eyes narrow at the sight of them and then meet Harry's in accusation. Harry pushes Liam softly away and shrugs a bit, as if to say: 'it couldn't be helped'. Zayn's stare softens as he takes in Liam's condition. He takes Liam by the arm and mumbles into his ear. Harry can't make out the words, but the tone is kind and loving.

 

He's glad for them and knows Niall will ruin everything as soon as they act on their feelings.

 

He watches Zayn take Liam away from the drinks and steers him towards the stairs. There are cameras in some of the rooms upstairs. Harry doesn’t call out to warn him. He makes himself a cosmopolitan instead.

 

\---------

 

He is well and truly hammered. There are bodies all around him, dancing, grinding, sweating. He remembers going out with Louis to dance, how fun it was. Dancing with Louis was somewhat of a revelation to Harry. The flirtation and sensuousness was incredible because it didn't need to go anywhere. They were safe up to the point when they decided to act and went somewhere that led to nowhere.

 

But this is different. Everyone around him is expecting something from him. The dark-skinned girl with those deep black eyes who beat Niall at the drinking game is grinding her arse against his cock and expects it to react to her. The long-haired boy behind him is running his hands over Harry's nipples through his shirt as he mouths filth right into his ear.

 

Harry doesn't feel safe. He doesn't feel in control or even like he is having fun at all. He feels dizzy and sweaty and nauseated. He hates every minute of this. The girl kisses him and he feels bile rise in his throat. He manages to crawl his way to an upstairs bathroom and is just about to close the door when she comes in behind him and presses him against the wall. She smells of alcohol and her warmth would be comforting if Harry was in any way into her.

 

But all he can think of is Louis. Louis who is probably engaged by now. Louis who never thought Harry could have feelings for him. Louis who does not want to be gay. Louis who never even cared about him.

 

He is kissing the girl back. His surroundings swim in and out of focus and then he sees Zayn standing by the open bathroom door. She never closed it.

 

Zayn shakes his head at him in what looks like disappointment. Harry throws up on the closed toilet lid. She helps him clean himself up a bit and apologises for following him when he clearly wasn't feeling well. He goes to sleep on the white tiles.

 

\---------

 

He wakes up far too early with his head feeling like it has exploded. His mouth tastes of rot and he hates himself. He gets his phone from his pocket. He has one message from Louis; the first he has gotten from him since he said goodbye to Stormtrooper.

 

It's a very simple message with a very simple explanation.

 

 **01/08/2015 07:25 Louis:** u ducking wanker

 

Zayn told.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [I'm on tumblr](iwillsingwithyou.tumblr.com) Next Chapter out next Friday.


	13. Mistakes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As special thank you to Nike again, because she put hours and hours of work into this.

** **

 

**Chapter 13: Mistakes**

 

There is a cold mist over Harry’s thoughts and feelings. All he can think of now is what he must do.

 

He must make Zayn Malik hurt. The problem is, he doesn’t know that much about Zayn. He knows what he does for a living, but Harry doesn’t have the connections to ruin that for him. He knows he’s very close to ‘his roommate’, but Harry can’t steal Louis away from Zayn anyway. The only thing that could really work is Liam.

 

Harry knows that Zayn loves Liam. Maybe not romantically but enough to be fiercely protective of him.

 

There is only one thing Harry can do now, and that’s to hurt Liam enough that it hurts Zayn too. Underneath the mist he can feel the stirrings of protest but he stamps down on them. He has some planning to do.

 

\---------

 

Liam is a mess. He obviously hasn’t showered, probably since the party, two days ago. Harry wrinkles his nose at the smell. The pop star’s flat is littered with dirty dishes. Liam is subdued as he greets Harry and apologises for the mess. Harry waves a hand in dismissal and asks what’s wrong. The brown-eyed lad smiles sadly.

 

“It’s nothing,” he says. “I just realised that I really have no hope with Zayn. He doesn’t like me that way.”

 

Harry feels pity blossoming in his gut but it’s quickly enveloped by the cold mist dominating his mind. He presses Liam for information, trying to seem sympathetic.

 

It works. Liam tells him how he finally gathered the courage to kiss Zayn at the party. But Zayn told him to stop and left him at Niall’s alone. He hasn’t called since. Liam is mad at himself for ruining a great friendship, probably the best he’s ever had. And how could he be so stupid to think that someone as talented and kind and wonderful and beautiful and thoughtful and intelligent and delicious and gorgeous as Zayn would ever want someone as pathetic and stupid and pitiful like him.

 

Harry listens in silence and pats Liam’s arm at the appropriate pauses. By the end of Liam’s ranting, Harry gets up from the couch and pulls the other boy with him. He takes him to the bathroom door and says authoritatively:

 

“Shower. Dress. We’re going out.”

 

Liam seems grateful and he hugs Harry tightly before doing as he’s told.

 

Harry fiddles with his phone for a moment, considering. Then he scrolls through his contacts until he finds the one he’s looking for.

 

“Jane? Hello, this is Harry.” He’s said the same words so many times before. They bring a tugging to his stomach and sweat to his palms. His heart beats quicker.

 

“Harry? It’s been a while. I thought you’d forgotten about me!” Her voice is familiar and kind. He thinks maybe he loves it a bit, maybe he hates it.

 

“Oh, I could never,” he says truthfully. “I was wondering if maybe we could meet up in about an hour.”

 

“Yeah, love, of course! At the Orange?”

 

“Yeah, if that’s alright.”

 

“It is. See you there, darling.”

 

“See you,” he whispers before hanging up.

 

His hands are shaking as he sits back down on the couch and breathes. Breathe, he reminds himself.

 

“Everything alright, Harry?” Liam asks, standing fully dressed in front of him. Harry didn’t hear him get out of the shower. He nods, smiling too widely and a bit maniacally.

 

“I’m taking you to one of my favourite clubs. It’s called the Orange.”

 

\---------

 

She seems genuinely pleased to see him. He hates the way his body answers to her presence. He hugs her before introducing her to Liam. She eyes the pop star curiously but without surprise. Harry supposes she lost her ability to be surprised a long time ago.

 

Liam watches their transaction with slight alarm. Harry is sure Liam has never been involved in anything seedy in his whole life. Harry feels superior somehow, which he knows just proves how twisted he really is. He smiles at Jane as big as he can and he stuffs the little bags in his pocket.

 

"Trust me," he tells Liam. It is quite possibly the worst advice he has ever given anybody. "It'll make you feel better."

 

Liam nods. "I'm actually a bit curious."

 

Harry takes him to the toilet.

 

He lets a few of the bigger rocks in the first bag fall to the counter. He uses a credit card to break them into a powder. Liam watches him. Harry feels something like peace settle over him. He misses this the most: the careful preparation, the shifting and sliding of these white lines. The contrast against the dark counter makes them even more appealing, more sinful. He feels like he’s fingering someone’s arse, carefully and thoroughly, lovingly, even, preparing for the act. He can hear his own heart beat loud in his ears.

 

He takes a banknote, rolls it and hands it to Liam. The pop star takes it and places it just under his nose. He looks at Harry questioningly.

 

"You have to put it in a bit deeper. That'll make it easier. And place a finger over the other nostril. Take one line with this one and one with the other."

 

Liam does as he's told. He does exactly as he’s told by his friend. Harry’s stomach feels like it’s full of beautiful, angry butterflies. There is a buzzing in his ears, in his brain, that won’t stop. He's breaking into a cold sweat. He takes out another bill, rolls it, and makes the mistake he promised Niall he would never make again.

 

\---------

 

They dance and dance until they are taken in by a crowd of people clearly on something stronger than them. They sit in a booth with them. Three girls and one guy. One of the girls laughs at them as they try to get up for the toilet again.

 

"Don't be silly," she whispers to Harry. "No one cares if you do it here."

 

Harry had almost forgotten. He nods and gestures for Liam to stay. They take their lines on the table. Straight white lines that he prepares with everyone watching.

 

The girl bats her eyelids at Harry and he invites her to his second line. He takes his phone out. Pretending to read a text, he takes a picture of Liam, hunched over the table, the 20 pound firmly in his nose, some white powder on the table and some white dust on his upper lip. The feather tattoo on his arm is perfectly visible even in the dim light. It's the perfect picture.

 

Harry locks himself in the toilet and looks at his own reflection. His hands are no longer shaking. He feels the energy coursing through him, filling him with the need to dance, to talk, to live.

 

He doesn't go back to the table. He finds people to dance with and gets lost in them.

 

He doesn't know how long it is before he sees Liam again. When he does, he knows instantly that something's gone terribly wrong. Liam is slumped against the guy in the group Harry left him with. His breathing is too fast. His pupils are wide. Harry places his hand over his forehead: burning.

 

"What the fuck?" He rounds on the four druggies. "What did you give him?"

 

"Nothing! He just kept snorting and drinking. We told him to slow down."

 

Harry tries to think. First, get Liam out. He takes him by the hand and drags him outside. Liam pukes all over himself and Harry as they reach the exit.

 

"Fuck." Harry can't think. He never thought Liam would be so weak. He never even considered telling him to take it slow. He wanted to achieve something; he can’t remember exactly what. He tries to think again. This isn’t what he wanted at all. What is he even thinking? And what had he been thinking? Why would he ever want to hurt Liam? Liam is his friend.

 

Harry looks at Liam and at all the puke. Liam was his friend. Harry can't breathe. It takes Liam vomiting again, this time on the pavement, for Harry to be able to take out his smartphone and speed dial his first emergency contact.

 

Three rings.

 

"Niall. I need your help. Now." His panic makes his voice quiver and the butterflies in his stomach fly up into his skull.

 

"Where are you?" Niall asks fast.

 

"The Orange."

 

"Stay. Don’t move. Why? Just stay where you are! I'll pick you up."

 

Harry obeys.

 

He tries to keep Liam upright but they are both trembling too much.

 

"Liam, stay calm. Help is on its way. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Fuck. I should've never brought you here. I'm so sorry," he rambles, but Liam gives no sign of hearing him. His skin is so hot. It’s scalding metal against Harry’s hands.

 

It feels like several millennia before he sees Niall's car.

 

"What the fuck?" Niall exclaims when he sees Liam. "What's he on?"

 

"A shit ton of coke," Harry answers as they load Liam into the back of the car. "You can call someone to help, right? He can't go to a hospital."

 

"He has to!" Niall is almost screaming, the car is already moving.

 

Harry feels his panic bubbling right underneath his skin.

 

"No, Niall, no! He can't. Please, no. It will be the end of him."

 

Through the thick fog inside and around him, he sees the triumph in Niall's eyes. The bet. Why did he make that bet? Harry starts to breathe strangely. He agreed to the bet because Niall wanted revenge. Liam’s trembling is getting worse.

 

"You can't do this. Please. If not for him, then for me. Niall. For me. Don't. I'm begging you. Help me. I won't be able to forgive myself. Please. Niall! For me! Please!"

 

They drive and drive before Niall nods.

 

"Harry," he spits and throws him his phone. "Call Dr. Bailey. Tell him it's an emergency and he needs to meet us at my house as soon as possible."

 

Harry sighs in relief. He does as he's told. The doctor agrees to meet them in fifteen minutes.

 

"Thank you," he tells Niall after he hangs up. Niall shakes his head.

 

“I fucking need to leave for Paris tomorrow,” Niall states, beyond annoyed. Harry breathes strangely again.

 

\---------

 

The doctor has an air of contempt about him as he explains that there is very little he can do other than try to get Liam's heart rate and temperature down and supervise him during the night. He warns them that if Liam gets seizures, or if his temperature gets too high, they have to take him to the hospital. Harry agrees and stays besides him.

 

At around 3 a.m., Liam starts talking nonsense. He thinks the doctor is going to kill him. He gets so agitated that Dr. Bailey has to leave the room for an hour.

At 4 a.m., Liam asks Harry if he has any more. Harry gets up and cries in the bathroom after flushing all he has left down the toilet.

 

Finally, at 6 a.m., Liam falls into a fitful sleep.

 

An hour later, Harry texts Ed.

 

 **03/08/2015 07:05 Harry:** I relapsed.

 

Harry pukes, showers, checks on Liam and then sleeps for a couple of hours.

 

When he wakes up, the first thing he notices is the heavy feeling of shame and loss in his stomach. A year, three months and five days. He just lost a year, three month and five days. He tries to hurl again, but only the taste and smell of bile comes up to his mouth. His phone is dead. He plugs it in and goes to check on Liam.

 

Someone is already there with him, apart from the doctor. Zayn has Liam's hand firmly in his own and his forehead is resting on the mattress.

 

"I called him," Niall whispers into his ear, making Harry jump.

 

They take a few steps away to avoid disturbing the scene in the room.

 

"That was really kind of you," Harry admits, feeling sick and angry.

 

"I didn't tell him who he was with," Niall continues in his typical conversationally threatening manner.

 

"Thank you," Harry grits out, "and thank you for not taking him to the hospital."

 

Niall nods.

 

"You took pictures of him, didn't you?" He says it with such conviction that Harry feels like an open book.

 

"No," he lies.

 

"I know you did, Harry. I know you. You're so much more like me than you're willing to admit. You wouldn't let a chance like that escape you."

 

Harry stays silent. "You've always been so much smarter than you give yourself credit for. You're such a survivor. I love that about you."

 

Against his will, Harry feels the words calm him and he feels better. He likes that Niall admires him. He craves it.

 

"I took one," he whispers and is happy when Niall smiles.

 

"I knew it. You're so good." Niall strokes his fingers through Harry's curls, untangling them softly. "Can I see it?"

 

The request pulls Harry out of his daze. He takes a step back.

 

"I don't think so," he says carefully.

 

"Harry, you do owe me a favour. I want that picture." Niall's voice is so kind; it makes Harry want to cry again. He wants to give him anything.

 

He's hurt Liam and what for? He can't do it. He can't be Niall's good little soldier boy anymore. He won’t. Fuck. He can't think of a way out of this.

 

"And if I get Louis to sleep with me?" He hates that that thought just came to him. He hates how small his voice sounds.

 

"You already know you can't. He doesn't want you."

 

The words feel like one or two knives through his heart. He's hurt. He's fucked up and awful and he can't be what Niall wants him to be. Louis doesn't feel anything for him. He relapsed. Scum. Just scum.

 

"I can.." He takes a step closer to Niall again. He just wants to stop hurting people. Louis doesn't care about him. It won't hurt him.

 

Niall sighs.

 

"You have two days."

 

————

 

He has showered and got himself dressed and even shaved his face. He is as presentable as he can be in his current situation. He leaves his phone in the car, ignoring the incessant vibrations coming from it. He waits by his car. Louis refused to let him into his flat. He will only talk to him for a couple of minutes in the car park and then he'll leave. Harry needs to make those minutes count.

 

Louis is unfairly beautiful as he steps out onto the concrete floor and looks around for Harry. He spots Harry and quickly walks to the car. He is wearing a white shirt with a scoop neck that shows off his collarbones and exposes a chest tattoo that reads ‘It is what it is’. That's new. Harry takes a deep breath.

 

"Hi," he manages and feels absolutely raw.

 

"What the fuck do you want?" Louis spits. He looks larger than life, terrifying and awe-inspiring.

 

"Apologise. I want to apologise. I was an idiot. I should never have made that bet."

 

"No, you fucking arsehole, you shouldn't have. You shouldn't have made me believe we were friends. You're sick, Harry, and disgusting."

 

Harry wants to crawl down a hole and never come out.

 

"I didn't pretend to be your friend. That was real."

 

Louis pushes him roughly. Harry’s back slams into the car. It wasn’t hard enough to hurt, but it does take his breath away. He looks down at the ground.

 

"You deserved that," Louis states. "What else was real?"

 

Harry raises his head slowly and looks Louis straight in the eyes.

 

"Everything since we went up to Doncaster to talk to Lottie."

 

Louis pushes him again. He doesn’t stumble against his car this time and just looks to the side. His eyes are watering in shame.

 

"Don't fucking say her name."

 

Harry looks back.

 

"I'm sorry."

 

He knows Louis is going to hit him again, but then he doesn’t know anything anymore because Louis is suddenly kissing him. It's so hard that Harry falls back against the car once more. Louis bites his lip cruelly and Harry can't help but moan and kiss back just as hard. He grabs, really grabs Louis's arse and pulls him close, making the slightly shorter man go on his tiptoes and wrench Harry's hair harshly for support.

 

Harry turns them so Louis is pressed against the car and feels the other man's legs lift and go around his hips.

 

"I fucking hate you right now," Louis whispers against his mouth, tugging far too hard on Harry's hair.

 

"I know," Harry answers as he holds Louis's weight and opens the car door.

The door stays open. Harry makes quick work of taking Louis' vans off and dropping them on the car park’s floor. He goes for the trousers next.

 

"Fuck," Louis murmurs when Harry palms his half-hard cock through his pants. They have a Superman motive on them and Harry refuses to even let that information permeate his brain. He needs to save Liam. He hurt Liam and now he must save him. This doesn't mean anything to Louis, so it won't mean anything to Harry either.

 

He takes the Superman pants off without looking too much. He slides Louis' cock into his mouth. He gives it all he can, all he knows. He wants this to be over before his feelings catch up to what’s happening.

 

Louis lets out a broken little sigh and it's too late. Harry can almost see emotions creeping up on him, climbing out of his chest. It's not what he expected. He feels drowned in Louis, in his thighs and his voice and his smell.

 

But what he feels the most is anger. Anger at himself for doing what he did to Liam, and for doing this to Louis. Anger at Louis for not even once considering Harry might feel something, for finding the thought so ridiculous.

He swallows the ire the best he can, along with Louis' dick.

 

"Do you have anything? Condoms, lube?" Louis asks, letting out a moan just as he finishes the question. Harry’s eyes widen. He thought he’d give Louis a blowjob and be done with it.

He didn’t expect this. What did he expect? Did he truly expect that his feelings would stay under wraps?

 

Harry straightens and slowly takes a tiny bottle of Moist and a Trojan out of his jacket pocket. He’s prepared more on principle than hope and it feels tasteless. Louis huffs.

 

"Of course you do." His voice sounds accusatory and Harry wants to hit him.

 

"Shut the fuck up, mate. You're the one cheating right now," he replies vindictively.

 

Louis looks murderous, but then turns his head to the side and opens his legs. Harry gets the message.

 

He lubes up his fingers and starts to spread the moisture around Louis' hole. He wants it. They both do. As much as they hate being here, in this situation, in this position, he knows neither of them will stop. He plunges his middle finger in, up to the second knuckle. It's tight. He expected less tightness. He said that he wasn’t gay, but Harry had expected and thought he was. He hadn’t been the only one. Kendall had said it too. It must all be a front. A closet. Surely.

 

"Have you done this before?" he manages to whisper. Surely.

 

But Louis shakes his head and still does not look at Harry. It feels like Louis hit him again; this time properly. Louis insisting he wasn’t gay. Louis afraid of being what his mother hates. Louis living in the closet. So deep in the closet that he was having sex with a man for the first time at 23. Having sex with a man who made a bet. A stupid, horrible bet.

 

Harry can't. He can't do this to Louis. He can't keep fucking up.

 

"Shit," he mutters as he takes his finger out. Louis looks stricken as he finally locks eyes with Harry.

 

"No, I want to," he tells Harry, his expression pleading. Harry can't look at that expression. It makes Louis look so lovely, so beautiful and they're in a fucking car park.

 

"Louis," he whimpers and feels familiar tears in his eyes. He will not let them fall. "I'm so sorry."

 

Louis takes Harry’s face in his hands and makes Harry face him.

 

"Fuck me. I want you to. Please."

 

Harry nods, swallowing around the knot in his throat. Louis might want him now, when he's hard for it and doesn't know how much of a fuck up Harry is. He won't want him later. He will hate Harry even more.

 

So, this is his only chance to be with Louis. Harry is scum and he takes this chance. He knows he shouldn’t and he can’t resist.

 

He looks into Louis' blue eyes before slowly kissing him. He kisses him with everything he feels for Louis almost bursting out of him. He remembers all the times they spent together talking about anything and everything. He remembers how sweet his voice could get when he talked about acting or his sisters. He remembers the crinkles at the edge of Louis’ eyes when he really meant a smile.

 

He can't stand the onslaught of feelings. He hides his face in Louis' neck and breathes him in. Louis' hands reach up and around his shoulders.

 

Harry reaches down and resumes what his right middle finger had started. He kisses Louis' neck over and over again, willing his mouth not to say anything. He has to keep control of it.

 

Even as he enters Louis and hears his moans get louder and louder. Even as Louis pulls lightly on his hair and even as they look into each other's eyes. Harry keeps the tears in and the words unsaid. He hugs Louis close to him and tries to merge their bodies beyond their physical boundaries. He bites and marks and is bitten and marked in return. He gives it all he has, but he doesn't break.

 

Louis comes first. He is far too loud and his voice echoes in the car park. Harry kisses him to shush him and fucks into him a couple more times before he comes too. He aches all over as he falls from his high. He doesn't feel liberated or calmer than before. He feels completely on edge.

 

He takes the condom off, ties it and chucks it on the car’s floor. He can keep it in case Niall wants any proof of how fucked up he’s made Harry. He tucks himself back into his pants and trousers, gets out of the car and picks up Louis' clothes from the floor. He can't help but look at Louis as he hands them over.

 

Louis looks amazing. He is flushed and sweaty and his chest rises and falls rapidly with his breaths. He gazes back at Harry with eyes that are still darkened with passion. Harry could crawl back between those lovely thighs and pound into that tight arse all over again. He could kiss Louis again. He doesn't. He leans against his car as he waits for Louis to get dressed.

 

Louis finally emerges from the Range Rover and stands in front of Harry. His hair is a mess. There is a big, fat bite mark on his neck. Harry looks down. Louis just stands there, obviously waiting for something. Harry doesn’t know what it could be.

 

"You're not going to say anything?" Louis asks, his voice dripping with disappointment. Harry doesn't look up. He can't say anything or everything will come out.

 

"You’ve gotten what you wanted, then?” Louis shoves him, and Harry wants to scream in denial, but he can’t make the muscles in his throat work.

 

“Nothing. Right. Cheers. You won your fucking bet."

 

Louis turns and stalks towards the door leading to the lift. Harry wants to call his name, to go after him. He doesn't. He waits until Louis is inside and flinches as the model slams the door. He looks around to make sure no one is there. There are only three other cars, all empty. He doesn't see any security cameras pointed his way.

 

He takes his phone out and dials Niall's number. He's probably in Paris already but he picks up anyway.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't kill me. 
> 
> Next chapter will be posted next Friday.
> 
>  
> 
> [My Tumblr](iwillsingwithyou.tumblr.com)


	14. End of Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A massive thank you to Nike, once again, because she stood by me on this story for two years. And because she indulges my talk of Apollo's powerful penis.

**Chapter 14: End of Love**

 

"It's done," Harry says.

 

"You fucked him? Really?" Niall seems surprisingly pleased. "I didn't think you still had it in you to put it in someone"

 

"You'll leave Liam alone now?" Harry's voice is dead. He feels dead.

 

"Well, at least I won't ask you to be involved in his demise anymore. I get that you're friends now. I'm sorry I didn't see it before. I thought you were just playing around. He didn't tell Zayn what really happened, you know? Just told him he had gotten the drugs from people he barely knew. He protected you."

 

Niall's words seem far away and unimportant. Harry feels so numb. "You can have your car now. I'll call George to have him give you the keys and the papers."

 

That wakes Harry up a bit.

 

"No. Keep the car. I don't want it," he manages.

 

There is a long silence.

 

"What?" Niall demands, a note of fury crawling into his tone.

 

"I don't want your bloody car, Niall. We should've never made that fucking bet." Harry feels the anger starting to come back. He is surprised at how much of it is actually directed at Niall. So much hurt could have been avoided if Niall had just stopped for a second.

"Don't be such a geebag! You got to deflower a hole you've been wanting for ages and you got a car for it! What the fuck is wrong with you?"

 

Harry wants to kill something.

 

"I didn't want to do it like this. I told you we should stop with the fucking bet. I tried to get out of it so many times. I didn't want it to be this dirty. I didn't want you to ruin this. I didn't want you near him. I wanted him for myself. I wanted it to be me with him and for a while it was perfect. But all I could feel when I was fucking him in a filthy car park were your nasty claws in me. You're my friend, Niall. We've been friends for years and you couldn't let me have this one thing for myself." He is trembling with anger now. He feels broken, sucked dry. He has nothing left.

 

"Oh, don’t be so dramatic. It was a game we were playing. You agreed to it. If you had just bangged Liam when I asked you to, this wouldn't have happened."

 

"Fuck you!" Harry screams into his phone. "I'm not your property or your slave. I don't have to do anything just because you say so."

 

It seems so obvious now, how Niall was controlling him, always trying to keep Harry in check. Harry hadn't minded before. He had needed it. But this was too far.

 

"That's where you're wrong, Harry. You're mine. I created you." Every word is a shard of ice, piercing Harry's heart. "I was the one who taught you to sing. I was the one who taught you to write and to look good. I was the one who pulled you out of your self-pity and made you famous. I did that. And you’re mine. You didn’t even think about lying to me, did you? You never even considered just not doing what I told you to. You never even considered that you could just lie to me about having fucked Tomlinson. Harry, you’ve always been mine."

 

It is true. It is all true. When Harry met Niall, he was an insecure, little kid who was afraid of being who he was. At the tender age of ten, Niall sneaked him into his music classes and encouraged Harry to play and to sing. When Niall returned to Ireland, Harry was seventeen and he was devastated.

 

Life without Niall was the worst time of his life. He ran away from Holmes Chapel and to London in the hopes of finding something to make him want to live again. But he had met drugs instead. He let himself crumble and he would be dead if it wasn't for Niall moving to London and finding him. He wouldn't have a career if it wasn't for Niall lending him money for recordings, or finding him a manager and paying everything for him.

 

Harry can’t breathe. He doesn't want to lose Niall. He loves him. He doesn't know if he can live without him. But it seems equally impossible to continue to live under his rule.

 

"I know," he says, gasping for air. "I would be nothing without you."

 

Niall sighs on the other side of the line. "It's alright, Harry. You're going to be fine. I forgive you."

 

But Harry doesn't want forgiveness. Not from Niall. Niall should be the one apologising. Harry is the one who needs to beg for forgiveness from Louis and Liam. He takes a deep breath.

 

"I didn't ask for forgiveness," he forges on. "I'm not yours, Niall. I will always be so incredibly grateful for everything you've done for me. I love you. You've always been the most important person in my life. But I can't just turn myself off to do your dirty work. I can't be yours. I can't hurt people anymore. I don't want to. I think you need help. The more drugs you take, the more you hurt the people around you. I know you are under pressure too. I know your parents pushed you too much. But you don't need to always be on top. You don't need to do what they tell you either." Harry's legs can't hold him anymore, he slinks to the ground and just sits there.

 

"Harry." Niall sounds toxic. "You don't get to defy me like this."

 

Harry freezes in terror.

 

"I'm going to have to punish you."

 

Harry can't believe his ears.

 

"What?" he demands.

 

"What did I tell you about having sex in public places? You used to be smarter than this. Greer Campbell had a trail on you, per my request."

 

Harry looks around again. There are two cars now, apart from his own. He didn’t notice one of the cars drive away. He doesn’t let himself panic. He has done enough of that.

 

“I hope you get help soon, Niall.” He hangs up and gets inside the car. He takes a deep breath and thinks. He curls his hands on the wheel to stop them from trembling.

 

He can’t let whatever pictures Greer Campbell has go public. Louis is getting married. He hasn’t come out to anyone. Harry can’t let this happen.

 

But what can he say to someone like Greer Campbell so that she returns the pictures? She won’t surrender an exclusive like that easily. He has to offer her something in return.

 

There is only one thing that he can offer. He doesn't have a choice. He searches his contacts until he finds her. He doesn't hesitate.

 

"Hello." Her voice is just as he remembers it.

 

"Ms. Campbell, this is Harry Styles. I know you have a photographer with pictures of me on their way to you. I want them."

 

He hears her chuckle on the other side of the line.

 

"A video taken in a public place, Mr. Styles. I must say I didn't expect to get so much out of you. And that heterosexual male model really doesn’t look like he has the stamina either!"

 

Harry ignores this.

 

"I can give you something by far juicier than a sex tape of a man whore and a rather unknown model."

 

"Really? What could you possibly have that I want?" The interest in her voice is poorly disguised.

 

"A sex tape of Niall Horan with a young girl. There are sex toys and drugs involved." There is silence for a few seconds, and for those seconds Harry dares to hope this is going to work.

 

Then Greer Campbell starts laughing.

 

"Oh, Styles. You really should keep your best bargaining chips in a safer place than your phone. Call me if you get something better."

 

Harry wants to throw his phone out the window. It's not possible. His phone is locked. He never lost his phone. But obviously someone had hacked it somehow.

 

The memory of Zayn's girlfriend comes into his mind. He found her strangely familiar because of the colour of her hair, and the lines of her face were so close to someone else’s. It seems so clear now, how similar she is to Greer Campbell. She is probably her daughter. Fuck. Harry was so stupid to let her have his phone for so long. He has lost his only fail-safe. Now he has failed Louis as well as Liam.

 

"Fucking shit!" he screams as he hits the wheel savagely.

 

He takes his phone again. He has to try everything. He can't give up. Liam doesn't pick up. Harry tries again.

 

"Hi, Harry." Liam's voice sounds so small. Harry hates it.

 

"Hi, Liam," he answers, trying to stay calm. "Hey, I need to apologise to you, but I need to do that in person."

 

"You don't have to apologise at all, you know? I was the one who didn't stop." Liam sighs. "I just wanted to be happy. It made me feel happy."

 

"Fuck. I should've been with you the whole time. I shouldn't have given it to you in first place." Harry can't do this right now. He needs to talk to Zayn. "Hey, Liam. We'll talk about this, I promise. I won't leave you alone on this, but I really need to talk to Zayn right now. Is he there with you?"

 

"I didn't tell him!" Liam assures him quickly.

 

"Oh, I know, thank you. I think we should tell him later. I just really need to ask him something. It's kind of urgent."

 

"Well, I can text you his number. He left a minute ago, got an urgent call."

 

Fuck.

 

"Yeah, can you, please?"

 

He receives the number a few seconds later. He calls and there is no answer. He has no idea where Zayn is going, but Liam's place isn't very far away, so maybe he'll see him on his way.

 

He barely knows what he’s doing as he drives down Louis’ street and turns a corner. He vaguely thinks that he shouldn’t be driving like this, that his conscious mind should be more involved in the process of driving a car. But all he can see flashing before his mind’s eye is Louis being outed in The Daily Mail.

 

He almost misses the dark figure walking fast in the opposite direction Harry’s going. Out of the corner of his eye he recognises the blond streak contrasting with the ink black hair and he steps on the brake far too suddenly. The tires make a screeching sound as he veers the Range Rover to the side of the street. It’s lucky that there are no other cars around; he doesn’t need to manoeuvre between cars to park. He hits his knee painfully on the door as he tries to close it before he’s completely out of the car.

 

Limping slightly, he runs after Zayn and calls his name at the top of his lungs. The writer hears him right away and turns back instantly. It only takes a couple more steps in for Harry to notice that something is terribly wrong.

 

Zayn looks feral. Harry can’t think of any other way to describe it. His eyes are bright and wild and his lips are curled into a snarl as he stamps over to Harry.

 

Harry stops running and almost thinks about turning back, some primal survival instinct screaming ‘run, run, run’ in his mind. He doesn’t get to act on it, though. He’s not fast enough. Zayn’s fist connects with his jaw so hard that he feels a muscle pull on the side of his neck before the back of his head hits a life-saving shrubbery fence. He feels pain travel up his spine from where he hit the ground with his behind and grits his teeth.

 

Zayn grabs him by the lapels of his leather jacket and slams him against the fence twice, very hard. Harry feels the branches give and break against his back, poking him painfully in the ribs.

 

“I could fucking kill you,” Zayn spits in his face.

 

Harry pushes Zayn back, feeling his own anger rising, despite the shame and the knowledge he fully deserves whatever the writer wants to throw at him. He manages to step a couple of paces back and Zayn just looks at him, his hands curled into fists and his arms trembling with unreleased tension.

 

"I need to get in touch with the girl you were seeing. Blair?" He isn't sure about the name but Zayn obviously knows whom he means. He snarls at Harry.

 

"You can go fuck yourself. I know what you did." Harry just nods.

 

"Niall called you," he states, refusing to let defeat incapacitate him. He won't let Niall win, no matter how much power he is wielding right now. He won't hurt Louis any more than he already has. He will find a way to make everything better.

 

"Yeah, he did. You know? I always thought he was the worse out of you two vipers. Now I can clearly see who the real scum is. You really don't care about anything but yourself, do you?"

 

Harry knows that reason is not likely to penetrate Zayn’s fury, but at least he is talking and not hitting him again.

 

"You don't know what you're talking about. Niall is playing you." Harry has to take a step back. Zayn is coming closer and closer.

 

"Don't I? Did you give Liam coke?"

 

Harry's eyes fall to the ground as wave of shame crashes over him. It's all the answer Zayn needs before he punches Harry again. This time, however, he isn't saved by shrubbery. He feels his heel fall into empty space and has just enough time to realise he is falling off the pavement and onto the street before everything goes black.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [I'm on Tumblr](iwillsingwithyou.tumblr.com)


	15. Can't stop trying

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So so sorry for the late chapter. I have so much stuff to do for uni that I just couldn't find the the time to publish. 
> 
> Just one more chapter to go and then the epilogue. I hope you've enjoyed this! 
> 
> Massive than you to Sara (floumingoharry on tumblr) who's been really supportive. And thank you to everyone who has posted comments or left kudos. It means the world to me!

****

**Chapter 15: Can’t stop trying**

 

He hears Louis' voice and freaks out. He needs to get up, convince Zayn, get the video, call Greer Campbell, get the photos in exchange for the video and then move away, to LA, away. Up. He tries to do the first thing on that list; get up but no, everything hurts.

 

He hears from some distance away: "How did it happen? Why were you with him?"

 

It's the same worried and breathy voice Louis used when talking to his sisters when they were in trouble. Harry groans. Something isn't right. Louis shouldn't be near him. He suddenly realises that his eyes are closed for some reason. He struggles to open them and only manages halfway. There is a lot of light around him. Too much of it and too white. He tries to say something, anything, but his throat closes up and makes him cough instead. It rocks his whole body and the pain multiplies.

 

"I'll get you some water," a female voice says next to him.

 

He finally gets his eyes to open up completely and understands what’s going on. He's in a hospital room. Next to him is a nurse who is filling a glass on the bedside table with water from a jug. His neck hurts when he looks around. He is in a private room. He doesn't see Louis anywhere, so he thinks he may have imagined his voice.

 

He takes the glass of water gratefully and drinks half of it in a couple of seconds. He smiles slightly at the nurse, trying hard not to panic. He tries to talk again. This time he has more success.

 

"What happened?" he croaks.

 

"You were hit by a car. You hit your head pretty hard on the concrete and you broke your arm. You were unconscious for a couple of hours."

 

She gestures to his left arm and he looks down. There is a cast covering his arm from shoulder to wrist.

 

"Are you in pain?" she asks, concerned.

 

"A bit," he admits, and he could have died today. He didn’t die, though. "But I don't want anything too strong. No morphine."

 

She nods. "If you can handle a bit of pain, I think you'll be okay with a good dose of Ibuprofen."

 

He smiles at her and asks the question he really wants an answer to.

 

"Who brought me?"

 

"Oh, your friend did. The one who was with you when you were hit. Zayn?"

 

Harry breathes a little easier.

 

"Is he still here?" His voice betrays his urgency and the nurse frowns a bit.

 

"Yeah, he's right outside. Should I tell him to come in?" Harry nods and winces at the pain. A wave of nausea hits him.

 

"Don't move too much right now. You have a concussion," the nurse warns before going out.

 

A few seconds later Zayn enters the room. He is walking stiffly and his gaze is stony.

 

"I'm sorry," he says as he meets Harry's eyes. His voice is cold and formal, but Harry understands he means it. Zayn wouldn’t force himself to apologise if he didn’t mean it.

 

"I am sorry too. For Liam, I mean," Harry answers, ignoring the pounding of his head.

 

As he says Liam's name, he notices Zayn's hands spasm, as though it wants to hit something again.

 

"I really am. I'll do anything you want to make amends. But I really need your help right now."

 

Zayn huffs and shakes his head. He seems to debate with himself for a moment before he asks:

 

"Why should I?"

 

"Because you're Louis' friend and I'm trying to protect him." Harry's answer is quick and instantaneous. It makes Zayn's brows raise and a worried expression crosses his face.

 

"What's going on?" he urges.

 

"A journalist has a video." He looks meaningfully at Zayn and the dark eyes widen.

 

"When...?" he ventures.

 

"Today, just before… we fought.” Harry avoids saying ‘before you hit me’. He had deserved that, after all. “Niall had someone following me. He told me just before he called you."

 

He pauses. "I have something that Niall wants. He wouldn’t let the bet go, so I had to fulfill it. He had us filmed and..."

 

Zayn's teeth clench visibly, making his already sharp jawline even more pronounced.

 

"You son of a bitch," he curses. Harry continues.

 

"I had leverage against him; just in case. I had - something. But I think your girlfriend, Blair, took it from my phone and now a journalist, Greer Campbell, has it. I don't know why they haven't released it to the public yet, but my best chance to stop them is to persuade Blair to give me that video. Please, I just need a way to contact her."

 

Zayn takes a deep breath and sits down on a chair. Harry’s head is throbbing with pain and he feels tired and drowsy. He wants to give up, go away and sleep. But he can’t; not just yet.

 

“Why did you do that to Liam? Why give him drugs? I thought you didn’t do that anymore, or were you lying for your fans’ sake?” Zayn’s accented voice is softer than Harry has ever heard it before.

 

“It wasn’t a lie. I relapsed. I was angry at you for telling Louis and angry at Louis for being with Eleanor. I was angry at myself for having feelings for him. I wasn’t thinking right. But that’s no excuse. I’m sorry. I am so sorry.”

 

Zayn snorts.

 

“You’re really fucked up, you know that?” Harry nods, fully aware. “What did you have that Niall wants?”

 

Zayn’s catches Harry’s subtle flinch and pierces him with a glare. “Tell me,” he growls.

 

“A picture of Liam,” Harry gets out quickly, like ripping off a band-aid. Zayn jumps up and then he has a hand around Harry’s neck, which throbs in pain at being throttled.

 

“I’ll give it to you! Help me get the video from Blair and I’ll delete the picture!” Harry croaks.

 

“What if she doesn’t have it?” Zayn takes his hand off Harry's neck, as if he hadn't intended to place it there in the first place. He had exerted no real pressure, but Harry still feels the pain in his head double. He sighs.

 

"Then I’ll delete the picture of Liam anyway. I wish I hadn't taken it," he answers. He knows that he took it because that's what Niall taught him. That's what he was trained to do. But he will change. He won't be that person anymore.

 

"Do it," Zayn snaps. "Now."

 

Something in Harry's mind protests against the idea of losing leverage and gaining nothing in return but he clamps down on Niall’s teachings violently. He takes his phone from the bedside table and deletes the photo of Liam, barely glancing at it. He then gives the phone to Zayn so the writer can check it’s gone.

 

"Did you send it anywhere? Is it on your computer? In iCloud?" he demands.

 

"No, I promise. I haven’t synced it and I don’t know what iCloud is."

 

"Your promises have no value to me. Just know that if you ever use that picture, I will end you. I don't know how, but I will find a way and you won't see it coming."

 

Harry nods. "I understand."

 

Zayn smiles a bit and sits down again, leaning against the back of the chair in a show of forced relaxation.

 

"I guess now is a good time to tell you that I'm the one who has the video of Niall.”

 

Harry splutters.

 

“I met Blair after doing some digging into Blind Gossip. Found her address and picture through some hacking and talking to the right people. She wrote an article about some pop star on it and I wanted to make sure that article wasn’t about Liam. So I found her and we became friends. Found out pretty quickly she’s the daughter of Greer Campbell, owner of Blind Gossip.”

 

Harry’s mouth is open.

 

“Do you always make sure nothing bad is published about Liam?” he asks, dumbfounded.

 

“Yes, when he was on X Factor, he almost didn’t win because of some rumours Marcus Collins’ team put in the papers. Liam’s team doesn’t always catch them all, and sometimes they even think it’s for the best. So I keep an eye out for this stuff.”

 

“Wow,” Harry manages. “You really love him, don’t you?”

 

Zayn sends him a harsh look.

 

“While I was trying to get information out of her, Niall and you started meddling in our lives. I wouldn’t trust Niall as far as I could throw him so I tried to get some dirt on him through Blair. That’s when she told me she had heard from several sources that he was utterly rotten, but she didn’t have any proof yet. A Blind Gossip piece is worth nothing without absolute proof. And she thought getting the Niall Horan scoop would make her career. I told her we met you at Niall’s and she figured out you were that rocker her mother always ranted about having dirt on Niall. So when Louis told me you were coming to the party, we came up with a plan to take your phone and distract you with the kitten. We never imagined we’d find something that depraved!”

 

“Fucking hell.” Harry feels a bit faint. All those years of doing Niall’s dirty work. All those years of believing himself so good at deceiving everyone else. He’d been bested so easily. “Why didn’t she publish it immediately?”

 

“I found the girl quite easily through Twitter. She wasn’t a minor when the video was taken, and I don’t really have an issue with people doing whatever they like in the privacy of their own home. I didn’t know for sure if Niall was playing Liam in any way, so I just wanted to keep it in case it got ugly. Obviously, she wanted it out as soon as she got it. We fought about it for weeks. We were close enough that she didn’t publish it without my consent, but she was going to eventually. So I slept with her and while she was asleep I deleted all her copies of the video.”

 

Zayn doesn’t look proud like Niall would’ve telling such a story. He looks a bit nauseated but determined. Harry listens to the whole story in fascination. Zayn did everything to protect Liam; even before knowing there was any real danger at all. It makes him wonder how many others have tried to get one over the pop star, only to find all their efforts are futile against his knight in shining armour.

 

“So, wait, she never gave the video to Greer Campbell, then? I just spoke to her and she told me she had it,” Harry inquires, worried.

 

“No, I don’t think she did. She wanted it to be her scoop, not her mother’s, for once. She probably bragged about it, though,” Zayn muses.

 

Harry sighs in relief. This might work after all.

 

“It doesn’t bother you at all that you used her like that?” Harry murmurs; it had always bothered him, when doing similar stuff for Niall.

 

“Yes, it does. But, it was clear from the beginning that we were both using each other. I was just better at it than her. I hope to still be friends with her again one day.”

 

“Are you willing to give up that video now - for Louis?”

 

“If there is no other way, yeah. I think it would destroy Louis if something like that was released and they saw it back home.”

 

Harry nods. He figured as much. He takes his phone and calls Greer Campbell. He still feels a bit dazed by the strength of Zayn's love.

 

She doesn't believe him at first. Apparently, she believes Blair has the video in her possession. Harry waits impatiently as she calls her daughter to make sure.

 

"I don't know how you did that, Styles. But yeah, you've won this one. No one really cares about a model being gay. And you don't keep much of your life to yourself," she concedes.

"I'll need you to bring me all copies of the video you have and to sign a contract agreeing never to publish the clip."

 

"Yes, of course. As long as you give me what I want."

 

Harry fervently wishes there was another way. He wishes he could help Niall; get him to rehab and counselling. But Niall has pushed him too far and Louis doesn't deserve to pay for their mistakes.

 

"I will."

 

He hangs up and finds Zayn in the process of walking towards the door.

 

"Where are you going?" he panics, thinking Blond-streak is bailing out on him.

 

"I'm not as stupid as to carry important information on my phone. I'm going home to pick up the video. I'll be back in fifteen minutes."

 

Harry sighs in relief.

 

"And you have some explaining to do," Zayn adds and confuses Harry. Then, the door opens and the nurse comes in, followed by none other than Louis Tomlinson.

 

"Hi, Harry," Louis mumbles. He doesn't meet Harry's eyes as the nurse gives him some pills and makes sure he's comfortable. Harry tells her to leave as kindly as he can.

 

"What are you doing here?" His voice carries a tone of wonder that makes him want to hide under the covers.

 

"Zayn called as soon as you were hit. I don't think he knows anyone else who knows you. Not anyone he’d want to call, at least," Louis explains, his voice carefully neutral.

 

"You didn't have to come. I'll be alright by myself, or I'll call Ed in a while."

 

Louis nods, his face tainted by sadness.

 

"Why were you fighting?"

 

“I did something incredibly stupid.” Harry can’t look at him. He can’t bear the look of disgust that will surely colour Louis’ face when he’s done explaining. “But do you really care, either way? I’ve been an arsehole to you.”

 

“You have. But Zayn is my friend and if I can help in any way, then I want to know. And… did you mean it, Harry, when you said nothing was faked on your side?”

 

Harry nods.

 

“Then, even if I haven’t quite forgiven you, we are friends too, aren’t we?”

 

Harry has to swallow a lump in his throat.

 

“If I tell you the whole story, you won’t think that anymore,” he murmurs, regretfully. Louis lets out a sad little laugh.

 

“I really like you, you know? You’re so fun to be with and you’ve been there for me when I really needed it. I’ve never…” The blue eyes suddenly look to the side, as if Louis is embarrassed. “You feel different to me.. And I know that you’re this way with everyone, but it meant something to me. To be able to… I don’t know… flirt and laugh with someone like…”

 

He seems unable to go on and Harry’s struggling to understand what he means. He frowns and Louis takes his hand.

 

“I wanted to do what we did this morning at least once and it was…” Louis swallows, sighs and then continues: “Thank you for that. That’s what I want to say, thank you. I want you to tell me what happened with Zayn and I want to decide for myself how bad it is, yeah?”

 

Harry understands what he means now. Louis considered him a friend and his first gay experiment. It isn’t as bad as being plainly despised, but it still hurts.

 

“I’ll tell you,” Harry says and starts talking.

 

He starts with Niall, because it all starts with Niall. He tells Louis about how Niall had started asking him little things to help his career. Harry hadn’t even thought of refusing; he owed him so much. Then those little things started getting bigger and bigger. He tells Louis about Taylor Swift, Pixie Lott and Matt Cardle. At first, Harry tried to talk Niall out of it. But eventually, he knew he had to do everything he could do to repay his friend. It became so normal that it felt like they were doing it together; facing the world together. Harry had barely questioned taking the bet, not even thinking that he’d have to hurt either Louis or Liam. He had never really thought of denying Niall a whim.

 

Louis isn’t holding his hand anymore, but he is listening intently; his face carefully blank. Harry can’t look at him. He glances out of the window and watches as a flock of birds gets closer and closer to the hospital and then flies above it.

 

“When Zayn told you about it, I was so furious. I mean, I was angry at a lot of things but I directed that anger at Zayn.”

 

He continues by telling Louis about the coke, about relapsing and taking Liam down with him. Louis gets up and paces for a while with his fists clenched, breathing hard. He composes himself after a minute and gestures for Harry to go on. Harry tells him about the picture and Niall’s demands.

 

“I decided to give the bet another try. But I didn’t… I didn’t expect it to feel the way it did. I thought I could keep it casual but it wasn’t. Not for me at least.”

 

Louis looks like he’s about to say something, but at that moment, the door opens to reveal Zayn.

 

“Sorry,” he rushes out, looking between Harry and Louis. “You should call your lawyer now, Harry, so they can get here before Greer.”

 

He waves a little USB drive at him and Harry nods. Zayn leaves again and closes the door.

 

“Why would you need a lawyer?” Louis demands and Harry hesitates. He doesn’t want Louis to know about being spied on while he was having gay sex for the first, and probably last, time in his life. He doesn’t want him to know how close he was to being outed in the most public way possible.

 

“Niall got something on Liam; we’re making a trade that should protect Liam from now on.”

 

Zayn comes back inside to tell Harry that Greer Campbell has arrived. Harry throws him a meaningful look and then glances towards Louis, who seems stunned by the proceedings.

 

“This got really serious, really quick. Could Niall really hurt Liam?” he asks Harry and Zayn frowns behind him.

 

“Not if we get this right.”

 

“It’s better if she doesn’t see you here, Louis,” Zayn says looking directly at Harry. “You shouldn’t be involved.”

 

Louis nods and goes outside without a word to Harry or Zayn.

 

Harry makes the call as soon as the door closes and tells Emma, his lawyer, to draft a contract to bind Greer Campbell to her promise never to release the video she has of Harry and Louis and to destroy all its copies. Greer enters the room just as he’s hanging up.

 

“My lawyer is on the way,” he states as greeting. She eyes Zayn suspiciously.

 

“You’re Liam Payne’s writer. What are you doing here?”

 

“You should ask your daughter that when you see her,” he answers with a leer.

 

Harry then demands the video and she gives him a camera memory card. He grasps the small plastic card in his good hand and makes a fist around it. The edges dig painfully into his skin. Zayn gives Greer the USB and she pulls out a thin MacBook Air out of her bag. They wait as she inserts the flash drive and watches the video.

 

Harry has seen it only once but he recognises the sounds coming from it and tries to distract himself by going through his phone. He has many, many lost calls. Most from Ed and one unknown number. He wonders if a fan has gotten his number somehow.

 

“This is satisfactory,” Greer finally says. “No one else will get any copies?”

 

“Of course not,” Zayn answers quickly.

 

They wait for about an hour with only the noises from the TV that Harry has turned on keeping them company. When Emma gets there, she’s all business and goes directly for Greer to ask for some information. Once Greer has agreed to sign, Emma leaves again to print the final contract. Greer signs and smiles at them.

 

“Pleasure doing business with you gentlemen. And you, lady,” she tosses over her shoulder as she exits.

 

“I hope you’ve learned your lesson about public sex, yeah?” Emma teases Harry with a smile. He smiles back sadly and she pats his shoulder.

 

He gets dizzy and tired after that.

 

“You need rest now; you’ve done enough.” He knows she doesn’t mean that he’s done enough damage, but that exactly what he did. He caused enough damage.

 

“I’ll go now. Stay away from us, yeah?” Zayn says and leaves as well.

 

Suddenly, Harry can breathe a little easier. The trembling in his hands he hadn’t been aware of decreases significantly and even the pain in his head clears a bit.

 

He calls Ed and hates himself a little more as Ed’s voice, filled with worry, filters through the speaker.

 

“Harry! Fuck. Are you okay? Twitter is saying you’re in the hospital. What happened?”

 

Harry curses Greer Campbell internally. He hadn’t thought of demanding her silence on his condition. His fans will find him soon.

 

“I’m okay; it was a car accident. Can I crash at yours for a while?”

 

Harry is released from the hospital as soon as the fans start arriving, asking for him. Emma helps him gather his things and tie his shoes. As they make their way to the car park, he hears a voice calling out to him. Louis hasn’t left. Harry had assumed he wouldn’t want to ever see him again. He asks Emma if she can wait for him in car and she agrees.

 

“Did everything go as planned?” Louis inquires as Harry walks with difficulty towards him. They’re standing next to the cafeteria, where Louis must’ve been waiting. He gestures towards a table. Harry nods and sits down.

 

“Yeah, everything is alright now. Except there are paps and fans outside. So don’t go out the front door.”

 

Louis’ eyebrows raise, but he doesn’t say anything about that. They are both silent for a moment. Harry want to get closer. He wants to take Louis’ hand in his and press kisses against his knuckles. He wants go back in time and tell himself not to make that bet.

 

“I’m so–”

“I think I’m in–”

 

They start at the same time and stop. Harry laughs a little but Louis looks down and takes a breath.

 

“I can’t– I don’t care about the bet, Harry. It’s childish and stupid. But I guess I understand the kind of relationship you had with Niall. What I can’t forgive yet is that you decided to lash out towards Liam when you were hurt. You can’t do that. You can’t make other people hurt just because you do.”

 

Harry nods. This is something he should’ve known. This is something he’ll need to tell himself every time things get hard.

 

“I know,” he whispers.

 

He feels the regret piling up on him. He fears he’ll never stop feeling it. Louis looks at him for long moments but Harry can barely look back. Louis is fidgety. He clamps his hand on the table several times and opens his mouth as if to say something but closes it again. Harry catches his gaze and holds it. Louis looks sad and torn.

 

“Lou–” He is interrupted by Louis’ lips on his own. He kisses back instantly, instinctually. Louis deepens the kiss. Harry’s neck hurts as they change angles but he doesn’t care. He feels his skin tingle from the crown of his head to his toes.

 

Louis breaks the kiss with a wounded sound. Harry looks up at him questioningly. Louis had gotten up from his seat to get close enough. He’s now standing over Harry; his eyes darkened by the shadow of his fringe. His mouth is twisted with pain. Harry wants to make the world better for him.

 

“I can’t.” Louis whispers and starts to step back. “Bye, Harry.”

 

Harry can’t move. His arm starts to ache again as he watches Louis Tomlinson walking away from him.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [I'm on Tumblr](iwillsingwithyou.tumblr.com)
> 
>  
> 
> I hope you don't hate me for the way the last chapter ended. I honestly considered following the original Dangerous Liaisons story where the Zayn character kills (I would've made it an accident) Harry. But I couldn't do that. I love him too much. And everyone who read it would probably never talk to me again.


	16. Rather Be Free

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, last chapter before the epilogue!  
> Thank you to happycampermel who's been a very faithful and awesome reader. I hope you enjoy this chapter too!

** **

**Chapter 16: Rather be free**

"I think you should consider it," Ed says from across the table. Their breakfast consists of cereal and milk, since it's easy to eat one handed.

"I was only in rehab during the detoxification period last time and I managed just fine. I'm not going to take anything now, so there is no detoxification necessary."

Harry can't stand the idea of having to go through rehab again; especially now that so many eyes are on him. He's getting flashbacks to the preparation of the lines. But those are overshadowed by all the harm he has inflicted in the last couple of days. He is sure he won't do anything stupid now.

His phone rings again, the vibrations loud on the wooden table.

"Are you going to answer any time soon?"

Ed cracks his neck and Harry feels guilty. He'd worried Ed and left him hanging for hours, just so he find out through Twitter that Harry was at the hospital.

"I don't know this number. It's been calling since yesterday I think. Probably a fan."

The ringing starts again and Harry takes the phone in his hand to stop the vibrating sounds. He looks at the screen for a moment longer, sighs, and picks up.

"Hello?" he ventures.

"Harry! Finally! Are you okay?" A very familiar voice is slightly distorted through the line.

Harry's breath catches. He hasn't heard that voice in three years but he knows exactly who it belongs to.

"Gemma?" His own voice wavers and cracks on the word.

"Yeah. Mum called me a week ago to tell me you've finally got your head out of your arse." He feels a stab of deep longing.

"That's one way to put it. Have you finished uni?" He can't quite believe she's talking to him.

He'd been heartbroken when she hadn't answered his calls after he ran out.

"Yeah, last year. I'm working in a firm in London." He notices that she sounds insecure, even afraid.

"You're in London?" He can't stop the tears from coming to his eyes.

 

"Yeah... I've been here since January. Listen, I saw you were in the hospital yesterday. Is everything alright?"

Harry feels anger rising.

"Do you even care?" he murmurs, almost hoping she doesn't hear him. She makes a wounded sound and he can hear her crying.

"Of course I care. Oh, Harry. I was so angry at you for leaving. I didn't know it had been that bad. I'm so sorry," she sobs and he can't hold back his own tears.

Ed places his hand on Harry's, his eyes worried. Harry takes the offered hand and squeezes.

"Do you think maybe we could meet? We haven't seen each other in so long."

Harry nods through his tears and chokes out: "Yeah, yeah, I'd like that."

They decide that she should come to Ed's, since Harry is supposed to rest. Ed is happy to give them the living room to reconcile.

The first thing Harry does when he sees her, her hair bleached to a silvery blond, is wrap his good arm around her and just hold on. He may be angry at her, but he'll never stop loving her. She's smaller than him now, which makes him even sadder. She hugs him back, her arms tight around his waist.

"I called you so many times," he says, brokenly.

"I am so sorry, Harry," she whispers back.

They talk for a couple of hours and then make lunch for the three of them.

After lunch, Gemma sits next to Harry on the living room couch.

"I was thinking that," she starts, "maybe we could both go back to Holmes Chapel for a week or so. I think we need some family time."

Harry thinks about it and decides to accept. He needs a break from London and he can't really do much work without the use of his left arm. Being with his family after so long, even with the broken bonds between them, is probably the best he can do now.

"Sure, I just need to take care of something first."

\---------

Liam lets him in without any greeting.

Harry stands in the middle of the entrance hall, very awkwardly, while Liam stares at him, leaning on the closed door.

"Well?" Liam prompts after a long moment.

"I came to apologise," Harry states.

"Okay."

"I'm sorry."

"Okay. Now, you're going to tell me everything that happened. Including what Zayn's role in the whole thing was. He's been keeping things from me - things that I should've been told about. So have you. I'm not a fucking child and I don't need your protection in any way."

Liam's face is hard and serious. Harry has never seen it like this. He's never seen Liam as anything but kind.

"Alright." Harry tells him everything.

He doesn't make it seem better or worse; just gives him all the facts. When they get to the part where Zayn sleeps with Blair to have leverage against Niall in case Liam was hurt, Liam punches the wall hard. Harry tries to tend to his hand, but Liam shoots him a warning glance and commands him to keep going.

"So we managed to protect both you and Louis," Harry finishes.

"I thought we were friends, Harry. I really liked you." Liam walks to the kitchen to put his hand under the tap and run cold water over it.

"I really like you, Liam. I was an idiot and I fucked up bad. I’m not making any excuses for myself."

"Do you think if we ever become friends again, you'll use me like that again?" Liam turns to look Harry in the eye.

"No, never," Harry pours all his conviction into that statement and makes Liam feel how much he means it.

"Okay. I want you to leave now. I'm going back on tour next week and I'll be back in November. We'll talk then, yeah?"

Harry can only nod. He knows this is more than he deserves.

\-------

Gemma, Robin, Anne and Harry are watching the news while eating pizza. It's been so long since he had his family around him that it all feels quite surreal. He feels slightly like an impostor.

"Oh my! Harry did you know about this?" his mum asks all of a sudden and Harry returns his attention to the telly. Niall is looking back at him, dark circles under his eyes.

 

"Niall Horan has been sent to a rehabilitation center in London until he is deemed cured of his addiction to alcohol and cocaine. He will not be serving any time for selling to minors, despite the fact that the video released a few days ago was more than sufficient evidence. Many feel this is an unwarranted show of favour towards the Irish pop star."

"I did know he had a problem, mum," Harry manages.

He feels like his insides are being torn apart. He wants to run back to London. He wants to get Niall and protect him forever. But he knows this is probably for the best. He knows he shouldn't want to be back with Niall again. He just can't help feeling the way he does.

His appetite suddenly gone, he goes up to his room to think and process.

\---------

**Harry Styles finally puts an end to our misery by announcing new single**

_Mary Blake for Metro.co.uk Friday 09 Oct 2015 7:26 pm_

Two months ago, Harry Styles announced he was taking a break from public life to heal his broken forearm. Yesterday, he made his long awaited return in the most spectacular way possible.

**08/10/2015 10:15 @Harry_Styles. : Guys! I’ve missed you so much! I’ve been working a lot and I’m happy to tell you that I’ll be releasing a new single on Nov 9th!**

The rock sensation surprised his fans by announcing that on November the 9th, they’ll have a brand new single. #Harrysnewsong has been trending worldwide since yesterday and the emotion doesn’t seem to be fading any time soon.

Here are some of his fans’ tweets, commenting on this new development.

**08/10/2015 15:20 @Hendallisreal: IM NOT EMOTIONALLY OR MENTALLY READY FOR THIS #Harrysnewsong**

**08/10/2015 13:02 @birdsandbutterflies: New single means new music video, new photos of Harry, new interviews, hearing his voice once more. I miss him so much. #Harrysnewsong**

Clearly, the rockstar’s fanbase hasn’t forgotten him in the least.

Are you excited about the new song?

 ****  
  


**Only chance to get tickets for Harry Styles’ welcome back concert!**

Harry Styles’ fans rejoice: it’s finally been revealed how tickets to his Halloween concert at the Tabernacle can be obtained.

The Don’t Look hitmaker is coming back from his two-months absence from public life with a concert party like you’ve never seen before. On October 31st, he will sing all of the greatests hits from his two studio albums and his new unreleased song: Redemption!

Styles has promised an unforgettable Halloween-themed night. He has even teased the possible guest appearances of Ed Sheeran and Aiden Grimshaw.

The private venue will allow for loads of interaction with the public. So prepare your best costume and get ready to have the time of your life.

Tickets will be sold at <http://www.tabernaclew11.com/> on the 20th at 9 a.m. You better be quick because these tickets won’t last long!

_Baldwin Curtis_

_Mirror Online, 17th_

****  
  


**YouTube Video: Time for Truth**

**Posted by louistomlinson07 on the 30 Oct 2015**

_Video shows Louis Tomlinson from the shoulders up with a garden in the background. He is holding the camera. The light makes his skin look almost golden, but it also highlights the bags under his eyes._

“Hi guys. I don’t do this video thing very often, as you’ve probably noticed, but I have something important to tell you.” _He closes his eyes for a second and then looks back at the camera, determination shining from his blue eyes._

__

“These last few months have been, well, incredible in some ways. Professionally, I’ve gotten everything I could ask for. But, my personal life isn’t that good. You see, I’ve always considered family to be the most important thing in my life. Even as I moved to London, I’ve been coming back to Doncaster as often as possible. And keeping my family happy was always a priority in my life.

But this year I met someone who made me see that freedom should be a priority in everyone’s life. I thought that I would never have it. And I envied this person for being able to be open about so much in their lives. Then I realized that they were fighting for freedom too. Here’s the thing, everyone has chains that bind them. Some we tie ourselves and some others, but we all have them. And I’ve come to realise that one of the main purposes in life is to get rid of harmful chains. Because if you can’t be free, then what’s the point of living at all.

So this is me, breaking a mighty chain.”

_There is a long pause as Louis takes a shuddering breath. He nervously fixes his fringe with nervous fingers before looking back into the camera._

__

“I’m gay. I’ve always been gay, even though for 23 years I’ve been hiding it from everyone, even myself. I was going to marry a woman. That’s how deep in the closet I was. And I was doing that to keep others happy. To keep my family happy. But making others happy can’t come before my own identity. It can’t come before my own life.

I just want to say to everyone who thinks loving people of the same gender is wrong: the harm you’re inflicting to those around you is so much greater than you can imagine. It has to stop.

So, yeah. That’s it really. Try to be free. Don’t let others dictate your own happiness. And if you have a problem with me being gay, then I’m sorry for you but that doesn’t change anything.”

Louis waves at the camera. There is a smile on his face. It’s a bit sad and a little forced. But it’s a smile.

 ****  
  
  


 

 **31/10/2015 10:24 a.m. @Harry_Styles.:** If you gave me a chance I would take it. It’s a shot in the dark but I’ll make it.

 ****  


\---------

 ****  


Harry is seeing things, he's sure of it. He is dancing and singing in high heels in front of a crowd of monsters, disney characters and superheroes. Every time he gets close to the right side of the stage he’s sure that there is a man in a Hogwarts uniform that looks very much like Louis. But it can’t be him. There were only 500 tickets for sale. They were sold in minutes.

Harry struts all the way to the right side in the hopes of catching a better look at the bloke.

“How do you do? I see you’ve met my, faithful handyman.” He sings and point to Dan. The crowd goes crazy. He crouches right at the edge of the stage and dozens of hands reach up to touch his heels and stocking-covered ankles. It’s been so long since he got to perform in such a small and intimate place.

"Are you having a good time?" Harry shouts into his mike and receives enthusiastic screams back.

Two girls dressed as characters from the Flintstones jump up and down just in front of him. He takes Vilma's hand and kisses it and she smiles dazedly. Behind the two girls there is a group of marvel superheroes and just next to them is Louis.

Harry feels a shiver go through his body. Louis is here. Louis is watching Harry perform again. Louis is watching Harry perform in a Frank'n'Further costume. Their eyes meet briefly and Louis waves at him, his face perfectly innocent. Harry smiles back as wickedly as he can. He's going to make the most of this.

He starts singing Masks and returns to the mike stand in the middle of the stage. Then he does his best to pole-dance to the whole song; all the while throwing looks at Louis. He can't be sure, but from here Louis looks quite flustered. As do most of his audience. Harry laughs and sings and dances and makes the crowd sing back to him.

After the concert, he tells Travis, the security coordinator, to let in Louis if he comes looking for him. He's not surprised to see the door to his private dressing room open just as he finishes taking off all the make-up.

"You looked like you enjoyed that," Louis says as he closes the door.

"I did. But so did you," Harry counters, smiling at him.

Louis looks good. Really good. The school uniform makes him look younger. His hair is sweaty and limp. Harry loves it. The trousers are tight enough that the shape of his thighs is accentuated. Harry wants to bite him on the inside of his thighs. He can't resist coming nearer to Louis. It's the first time he gets to see him in person in two months.

"A Gryffindor, heh?" he asks as he notices the red and gold tie. "I get that. You're so brave."

He's thinking about the video posted two days ago. Louis was so lovely in it. He was soft and vulnerable and beautiful. But most of all was strong and brave in ways that Harry could barely imagine. Louis smiles softly at him. Harry is so much taller than him in his heels that he needs to look up to do so.

"Thank you," Louis whispers.

He steps even closer and it breaks something in Harry. He takes the model in his arms and holds him close. Louis throws his arms around Harry's neck and hugs him back fiercely.

"You're so tall like this. It's not fair." Louis mumbles into Harry's shoulder.

The rocker suddenly notices that the other man is standing on his tiptoes and feels hopelessly, irreversibly endeared. He chuckles as he takes a step back and takes off the heels quickly.

"There. Now you don't have to feel quite so small," he teases Louis and gets a punch on the arm.

They stare at each other for a moment. Harry doesn't know where they stand. Last time he saw Louis had felt like the last time he'd ever see him again. It felt like goodbye. Louis had come out publicly. He'd finally accepted who he was but Harry can't quite understand what he's doing there. He must've bought the tickets weeks ago or at an insane resale price. He doesn't know what to say.

He settles for: "I saw your video."

"I saw your tweet," Louis answers and Harry flushes. He hadn't really thought about it before tweeting those lyrics. He just saw Louis' video and felt a stupid, entitled, rush of hope. He just wanted to let him know that he was still there. Still aware and interested. Even though he had no right to be.

"I know that I fucked up," he states. Louis nods.

"You did. And if you ever do something like that again I'll kill you," Louis says and reaches for one of the suspenders keeping his stockings in place and pulls it. He releases it and it snaps against Harry's thigh with a sounds that reverberates around the room. Harry feels all the energy in his body coil at the sound.

"I won't. I will never let anyone control me like that again. I'll never do anything to purposefully hurt you or anyone else."

Louis repeats the action with the other suspender. This time the snapping sound is followed by a small moan Harry can't stop from getting out.

"Good," Louis croaks and jumps on Harry.

A few moments later, the door to the dressing room opens again and Ed sticks his head.

“Harry– Oh, sorry. Just wondering if you’re coming with us to Kendall’s party?”

Louis, now sitting on the dressing table, tightens his legs around Harry. Harry smiles against Louis’ warm, wonderful mouth.

**  
“I’m not going anywhere any time soon.”**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Tumblr](iwillsingwithyou.tumblr.com)


	17. Epilogue: Friends and Lovers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, this has been such a long journey. I've been terrible with updates, but now, finally, you can all read the whole story. I wish I was talented enough to make it as good as it was in my head, but this will have to do.  
> Thank you to everyone who commented and supported me through this!

 

**Epilogue: Friends and Lovers**

 

**Louis Tomlinson to be in the sixth season of Game of Thrones**

_By JANE BERKLEY FOR MAILONLINE_

_PUBLISHED: 11:41 GMT, 08 November 2015_  

Speculation has been running rampant about the new additions to the series cast.

Last night, in an interview with Nina Gold, casting director for Game of thrones, some names were revealed. Perhaps the most surprising is the Burberry model Louis Tomlinson. Apart from a few seconds-long appearances in Day Of Our Lives, the model has no previous acting experience. When asked about this, Nina Gold delivered the following statement:

“We decided to give Louis a shot because he fit perfectly with what we had imagined this character would look like. We didn’t expect the audition to be anywhere near as good as it was. We were completely blown away. I think everyone can expect great things from Louis.”

This is an interesting turn of events for the model, who has confessed in an exclusive interview that acting has been his life-long dream. Certainly, the Game of Thrones massive series is the best platform anyone could ask for when starting their careers as actors.

Now one question remains, will we get to see that nice bum in the nude?

 

**Liam Payne Canoodling With A Mystery Man**

_The Huffington Post UK_

_Posted: 03/12/2015 15:48 BST_

The speculation surrounding Liam Payne’s sexual orientation has been running wild since the picture that surfaced yesterday on twitter. A fan of England’s biggest popstar posted the following picture on twitter.

**[Picture shows a good looking black-haired man with his back against a SUV. Liam is leaning towards him, his hand next to the man’s head, covering his face.]**

The tweet accompanying the picture explained that the fan had bumped into Liam and his male friend in a club in Soho as the two were leaving. She then specified the story in a tweetlonger, stating: 

 

“I was partying with some friends and my boyfriend pointed out that a guy in the VIP balcony looked like Liam. Obviously, I kept an eye on him throughout the night. He was with the guy in the pic and some other friends, just chilling, having a few drinks and sometimes dancing. It was pretty obvious that he and the guy were there together. When they started to leave, I followed them and took that one pic. They were pretty drunk and I don’t think they noticed. They were preoccupied about other stuff, if you know what I mean. Btw, the guy was smoking hot.”

 

Liam Payne is probably the biggest pop star in the world right now. His sold out world tour earlier is the highest grossing tour of 2015 and it’s not even done yet. He still has to go to Australia, New Zealand and Japan in February. He hasn’t been linked to anyone romantically in more than two years, since his break-up with dancer Danielle Peazer. Some of his fans have speculated for a long time about his sexuality. They think he is interested in men and has been keeping it private in fear of public reaction.

This picture, along with the fan’s statement, could be the proof that Liam Payne will never return the burning love his female fans have for him. But could this just be a one time slip or is this a long-hidden secret relationship with a man?

 

**Niall Horan checks out of rehab and leaves pop behind**

_01/30/2015 8:19 AM PST BY TMZ STAFF_

 

The world famous popstar has finally checked out of rehab and has made a surprising announcement. He will no longer write or sing pop!

Three months after beginning treatment for addiction to cocaine and alcohol, Niall Horan has completed the rehabilitation program and is now working on a new album, which he promises will be very different from his previous work.

The singer has announced through twitter that he is distancing himself from his previous life and work. He wrote: “playing the guitar has always been my passion and I’ve always wanted to play to big rock songs. I wasn’t happy with what I was doing or why I was doing it.”

His fans seem very torn on the subject. Earlier today both #WeSupportNiallAlways and #NiallPleaseDontChange were trending on twitter. It seems only time will tell if the singer can still succeed while changing his music entirely. Perhaps this will be the generation in which young girls embrace heavier rock music, instead of the typical pop marketed to them. 

Niall’s last single, Illusion, did not manage to break any of the records previously set by any of his previous singles. It didn’t stay on the national charts longer than a couple of weeks, and only rose to number 17. It’s possible that a drastic change is exactly what his career needs.

 

* * *

 

 

Louis feels jittery as the car makes its way towards Kensington Gardens and the Burberry autumn/winter 2016 catwalk. It’s been a couple of months since he walked a catwalk and it’s made him a bit nervous again, as if he could forget everything.

He can’t quite keep his eyes off Harry, sitting next to him with his eyes on his phone and the fingers of his right hand absentmindedly pinching his bottom lip. He’s dressed head to toe in Yves Saint Laurent, apparently not very concerned about his lack of patriotism. Louis can’t really hold it against him, though, he looks gorgeous. Louis shifts in his seat, nervous and slightly aroused now.

“Who are you talking to?” He asks, trying to distract himself.

“Liam, actually. He wants us to get together this week, since he’s back from Japan.”

“Really?” Louis exclaims, surprised. Liam and Zayn have both been less than enthusiastic about Louis deciding to give Harry another chance. Louis can understand their point of view. What Harry did to Liam is probably unforgivable. They were mad at Louis for not pushing Harry out of all their lives. As if Louis had a choice. As if anyone could resist Harry after he had driven all the way to Doncaster and back to pick up Louis’ sisters. As if Louis’ heart hadn’t neatly changed owners at seeing Harry prepare breakfast for them.

 

All his life he did doing what he had to. He was going to marry Eleanor, a girl he could spend two weeks without talking to and not even notice. When suddenly this person came into his life, someone beautiful and full of ideas about music and life and freedom. He couldn’t spend more than a day without thinking about the things he wanted to say to Harry, without wanting his opinion, his worldview. It was a revelation.

Louis worries sometimes that Harry might fall into his previous patterns again. When Harry went to visit Niall in rehab, Louis was on edge for days, fearing the goodbye would give Niall the opportunity to manipulate Harry into his orbit again. He doesn’t think Harry quite understands how dangerous a relationship like that can be. Louis doesn’t understands it. It still feels like a ticking bomb, ready to be set off at the first nudge of trouble. But they’ve had terrible fights. They’ve put each other in extremely vulnerable positions and Harry hasn’t gone back to Niall. So maybe, Louis hopes, maybe he won’t.

He also fears that he won’t ever be able to be with his family again. That they will never love him again. That he’ll never feel like he belongs with them. Lottie and Fizzy had contacted him already. They had told him they loved him no matter what. But he hadn’t spoken to his mother at all yet. One day he’ll put his pride away for long enough to talk to her, at least to know for sure that there is no chance. But for that he’ll need to be certain. He’ll need to able to count on Harry completely and know that they're on solid ground. He needs to know that it’s the real thing. He thinks it is, but doubt is always niggling at the back of his mind. Is it just a fluke? Is this just lust? Is it worth it?

“Are you alright? Do you not want to see them now?” Harry asks, taking his hand and catching his gaze with his pretty eyes. Louis feels a sort of peace settle over him, and he thinks: not just a fluke. Definitely not just lust. Yeah.

  
“Yeah I’m okay. I think we should.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on tumblr and I'm friendly [Extras](iwillsingwithyou.tumblr.com/)

**Author's Note:**

> On my tumblr, there are some extras if you want to check it out: [Extras](iwillsingwithyou.tumblr.com/DLextras)


End file.
